Ex-smoker And Hate It

I started at an early age around 13 and I am 16 now. Through school I couldn't wait to get on a break to have a cigarette and loved the adrenaline of hiding the fact fact was smoking it felt so good with the friends and the fact of hiding smoking from my family too. A year later she found out and was angry at me but that didn't stop me as I loved the feeling of smoking so I just carried on.
I found that after that it was quite hard to keep it hidden as my mum started checking my bags so I kept them in a hidden place where she would never think of looking until the suspicions died down. She stopped checking after a few months. A year later my Granny saw me smoking with my mate in my mates garden. She never told my mum but she wouldn't stop nagging me about the risks even though I knew them and didn't care anyway, she asked if I wanted help and I said no. Eventually she just gave up asking me. I kept carrying as I enjoyed it, my boyfriend smoked and was allowed to smoke in front of mum so I just spent most of my time their as it meant having that freedom of having as many as I want, that felt so great. After a few months we did break up so I no longer that freedom. I had many boyfriends after him, some smoked and some didn't and they didn't care if i did smoke. As i am in college that was my freedom even though I'm on a fitness course but that never stopped. Recently i have found a new boyfriend who cares a lot for me and only wants the best for me and I understand that. He means a lot to so I thought id give it a shot by stopping smoking as this is what he wanted and I seemed to aswell as I was struggling with the practical side of my course. I've not had one for 18 days and has suddenly started getting to me and I don't want him to that I miss smoking with my friends and I miss my routine of having one in the morning while walking to college. I can honestly I like the feeling I get when smoking the smooth but harsh feeling in my throat and how relaxed I felt after one. I've been so low in my mood and stressed since I've quit. I don't knows what to do.
caketin8 caketin8
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 22, 2013

I loved my cig too. In fact the only way I was able to quit is because I had no choice. I was very ill. I lived with a nonsmoker. It was winter out. I had zero money. I did all the usual things not to smoke. The two that helped me the most is to think of all the consequences of smoking. Then I'd take a deep breath of fresh air & could feel the difference in my lungs. Oh ya, every time I wanted one I drank a can of ice tea. (A carrot would of been healthier.)
The day will come you'll feel grateful your off that nasty habit. Take Care, WM

I guess so, I just drink a pint of water or go to the gym. If I don't feel like doing those I just think how proud im making my boyfriend who is a non smoker. Thank you for your time.

It's detoxification you're having. It'll wear off, eventually, trust me, your brain is just so used to nicotine it starts to think you need it as much as blood. After a few weeks the bad mood will wear off.<br />
Plus, I don't want to lecture here, but I'll just imply that you'll outlive most people if you don't smoke. Seriously. Cigarettes are like drugs, sure, they may feel good, but that's where the pros end, and the long list of cons start.

Thank you. I haven't thought of having one. I've just been Thinking of the benefits I've had up to now. Easier to exercise, more money in my pocket and my senses have became stronger. I just feel as if I hate because of being stressed.

Stress is inevitable these days, both me and you get stressed as much as the other guy. Don't worry, you're stronger than you think :)

I guess I am strong. All I really want is to get fit for my course and make my boyfriend proud of me, up to now I have. Thank you for your time and consideration.