An Ocean Away....

I'm a 16 year old girl, born and raised in Florida. I'm half Japanese.
I have just started my second year of high school and finally had the audacity to take an English Honors class.
I have an Asian buddy in there and girl friend, one day our class was in the computer lab- and I remember it very clearly...
I was trying to fix my computer when my Asian bud randomly said; "Hey, we have a exchange student and he's Asian!"
Instantly I turned around to see a quite tall Asian boy. I could already tell he was Korean before his name was even said(It's almost like my super power)
My heart started to pound instantly.. My girl friend and I started to chit-chat a bit about his looks and she said "I could have him" (it was jokingly).

The next day I couldn't help but keep glancing at him.. Each time his gaze met mine I instantly looked away, embarrassed he had caught me looking at him..
The day after that I got this.. Courage from out of no where, and after class I asked him if he wanted to sit with me and my friends at lunch.
I'm an extremely timid and self-conscious person... I never ever approach people and all of my friends approached me or I was introduced so it was kinda odd.. But, I felt proud of myself for going up to him, especially because of my crush.
He asked for my number that day and we ended up messaging each other a lot...
He asked me to homecoming and then a little later asked me out..
But, there was this German boy who was madly in love with me.. And he got seriously seriously depressed about it and very suicidal.. He's a grade under and two years younger than me.
At one point, he just made me cry all the time because I didn't want him to hurt himself. I liked him but.. I was in love with the Korean boy.
And then he got extremely angry one day and took my phone and started messaging the German to leave me alone practically, they cussed at each other were about to fight..
That weekend the German practically tried to make him break up with me.. He had even said the speech and everything.. But, we didn't follow through...
This made the German mad and I ended up telling our school officials about it.. Twice...
Then things calmed down for a little bit.. But, then something horrible happened...

One day after a club, the Korean and I were just hanging out and my Nii-san(Older brother in Japanese, he's not really my related brother), we were all just goofing off.
The Korean and I LOVE to mess with each other and playfully fight all the time. It's like a giant war between Japan and Korea! So, he likes to pretend that Nii-san is his boyfriend and they just like making fun of me and teasing me and trying to playfully make me mad.
Well, at one point my nii-san chased me down to a bus stop and then the Korean chased me the rest of the way.. I was out of breath since I have bad lungs and he just held me there while I caught my breath.. Once I was ok he started to kiss me.. I then remember hearing foot steps and I was about to pull away so it wasn't awkward when I heard a woman's voice say; "____, may I ask what you're still doing here?"(__ is to hide his name...)
She then walked away and he took me by my shoulders and said; "I'm actually not allowed to have a girlfriend..." and etc.. So, we had to break up... It was horrible... But, we still stayed close.. Like a little kissing and holding.. And then slowly it started to distance...
Then he told me how he was scared. Because, it was illegal for us to be together. Since I am a citizen of the USA and he's just an exchange student.. It wasn't allowed...
Many kids have already gone back because of theirr relationships and.. We both didn't want him shipped back to South Korea...
It started to get harder and harder.. And I could tell the German was thrilled because he wasn't depressed anymore.. He had me cornered.. But, not quite yet...
The Korean ended up accidentally breaking his phone, so we barely talked... And then slowly at school he started to stop hanging out less and less... Then he just didn't really talk to me at all by the time he got his phone back...
He was extremely busy because of his tests.. And then of his fear... And then eventually we just didn't talk.. I was too scared and a bit sad to start a conversation and I doubt he would...
Now at school, we don't even look each other and it breaks my heart...
Some friends have tried to help.. Said we could go out in secret again- but, try harder but... It's too late and not worth the risk... Everyone says that if he really loved me he wouldn't care but.. I do.. I don't want him to go back.. I want him to stay here and have fun.. And I know he doesn't wannt go back so why risk it..? Even though that's heart breaking...
The German boy then started asking me out a week after we broke up and then rapidly got persistent... Then he guilted me into saying yes.
He has something wrong with him that makes him grow but, his organs haven't caught up.
The doctors say he'll live to 25 if he takes medicine but, if he doesn't.. By January he would die...
He's taking the medicine because I did say yes.. I didn't want that kind of blood on my hands where I could of done something that would let him still be here...
And I bet that scared away the Korean even more now... It's a mess..

I have tried and decided to forget about it.. He had told me to when we broke up officially... But, it's too hard.. I'm not ready for the German.. I'm in love with someone else...
But, there's nothing I can do.. i try to have fun with the relationship.. I'm even flirting with another Japanese boy but.. I can't stop thinking about the Korean... And he goes back June.. Time is ticking away...
I have no idea what to do anymore....
Thank you for whoever read everything and if you comment with advice I greatly and sincerely appreciate it.. This really hits my heart dearly..
IAmNotHerezz IAmNotHerezz
70+
2 Responses Dec 8, 2012

Wow... that was complicated.

You should really try talking to him before he leaves. You are very young, you still got a long way to go. You will eventually move on, but it takes time. There will be more boys in the future. You still got college!