Love Hurts

so let me get this out there, I'm gay. Kinda a big part of the whole story.

It was freshmen year of high school, everyone is coming in to their "freshmen orientation" and we all head to our first period. In our school band is first. Now since I've grown up with everyone in my grade I know their faces, except one. From my seat he was directly across from me and I never seen him before. He is tall and skinny and has gorgeous blue eyes. Now later on I learn that he was home schooled for the first 8 years of his school career. Hes also very shy and quiet. throughout freshmen year our encounters pertained to the football field during band and short passes through the halls. Sophomore year comes and band starts up but i feel something...something I've never felt before. Every time i would see him my heart would race and my stomach would do flips and i wouldn't know what to say let alone let out a weak "Hello". It felt as if time stop just for a second every time he waked by. I told some close friends and they were like "aw someones in love". Junior year comes along and i finally gain enough courage to write a note to him. Just explaining that i think hes attractive and that i like him. I slip it in his band locker and go home. I never get a response to anything. The next morning he isn't in school it seems a little awkward but nothing too bad. Unfortunately we play the same instrument and seeing that there's only two of us in the section we are made to sit next to each other. a month or maybe a little less passes by and i still haven't gotten a response so i write another note. Yet i still get no response. some more time passes and yet no response so what do i do? i write another note...this is me being totally impatient and slightly annoyed by the fact that he didn't even respond once. Finally my friend texts me and is like "he wants to tell you something" so i say alright. The next thing I know my heart feels like it was ripped from my body squeezed dry and put back into my body. The text message was basically "i don't like you stop bothering me". I have never felt so hurt or broken before. i let some time pass and i went through all of the next few weeks in a fog. Then someone asked me out and i was like "why not?" and we dated for 7 months. we broke up not too long ago actually. Strange enough after breaking up with him i still have feelings for my first crush. it was like i never stopped having feelings for him they just went away for a little. Now they're back and i just want to die because i know that him and I will never be.
geekdeband17 geekdeband17
18-21
Sep 4, 2012