What to Do?

We started off dating... hot and heavy right away.  After about a year I tell him I love him.... he says nothing.  A few months later he tells me he doesn't love me and never will.  I am heartbroken.  We have so much in common, have became VERY good friends and had AWESOME SEX so it was hard to stay away from each other.  Our relationship turned into "friends with benefits" for about 4 years!  I loved him so much that it didn't matter that he didn't love me back... I was with him and that's all that mattered.  Finally one night he tells me HE LOVES ME!  I felt my heart was going to collapse!  I know better than to mention marriage so instead we decide to buy a house together and put any marriage ideas on hold.  After about 4 months after we bought our house he starts going through a mental deal and for whatever reason pretty much stops working and stops being able to cover his share of the expenses.  The financial stress gets worse and worse every month and I am forced to figure out how in the heck I was going to come up with all this extra $ that he is no longer providing.  It becomes too much for me and after about 1 year of us buying our house I break down and convince myself that he really doesn't love me because if he did he would make sure he is bringing in his part of the money for OUR life together.  After I convinced myself of this I then in turn convinced HIM of this!!!  I think I was expecting him to say "that's silly.... of course I love you" but he DIDN'T.  He didn't say anything and still hasn't 4 YEARS later!  We are technically still together, we have the house after all which neither of us can afford on our own.  He is FINALLY starting to bring in some money and paying his share of things but it is after a good 3 years of him not paying much and us going into sever dept.   We have changed.  I don't trust him with $ and trust him to be there for me and he thinks I dish out guilt trips and try to manipulate him.  He is ready to give up... I am not!  I KNOW he really did love me at one point.... I KNOW he really does LOVE the real me!  However the financial stress has turned me into a very cranky and emotional person.  I am having a hard time finding the person I was before when he did love me.  We have too much together to just quit. He is the man of my dreams , in my dreams, in my future.  I am not interesting or even look at other men at all.... even when I try to in vision myself with someone else I can not.  The housing market is so bad right now that we can't just sell the house and move on even if we wanted to.  He is getting his financial issues cleared up finally and I am really trying hard to get my emotional issues cleared up.  However when do you say enough is enough and move on?  He is ready... and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me... but then again I DO WANT TO BE WITH HIM!

nkevans nkevans
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 8, 2009

For events like this age old custom of marriage is the answer baby. you should get married with him. then whole issue is solved baby. Marriage is a wonderful organization.