Married With Crush On CoworkerI am falling hard for a coworker but I’m married with two children. I can’t say that I love my wife and I’m not sure I did when I married her. Marrying her just felt like the comfortable thing to do. We had been together for so long, since we were teenagers. If we didn’t have two children we probably would have ended things within the past two years. My wife loves me but knows that my feelings for her are not there.
Enter my beautiful, charming, younger coworker. We have been very close since the day she started and I was instantly attracted to her. Over time we’ve gone from being close work friends to being close personal friends. We share personal stories with each other. We vent our frustrations about our respective relationships, we talk about life, love and happiness. I think she has shared more with me about her personal life than she has with anyone else, boyfriend included. I’ve certainly shared more with her than anyone else in my personal life, wife included. We sneak out of the office to take walks together in the park, we go to lunch together and we hang out after work together. We text each other over a hundred times per month. If she goes on vacation she’ll text me pictures every day she’s gone and bring gifts back for me. She texts me on every holiday to wish me a happy-whatever. Everything I post on Facebook is met with a comment from her. Everything she posts on Facebook is met with a comment from me. If we spend time alone together outside of work we are constantly taking pictures of one another together. If we go out in public to something like a sporting event we sit shoulder-to-shoulder, leaned in to one another resembling a happy couple. The two of us even get extremely nervous when asking the other to do something. Most of the time one of us will just drop a hint about doing something for lunch or after work and expect the other to respond in kind. Or we will make plans for something and then not follow through with the plans. We must sigh loudly 100 times per day at work. I’ve met almost her entire family. They’ve all known me by name even before being introduced to me and upon that introduction they always say, “I’ve heard a lot about you.” I could go on and on and on.
This is a full-fledged emotional affair. I think about her all of the time. I wake up every morning with an elevated heart-rate because either I had been dreaming about her or I’m anxious about going through another day having to see her while knowing that we cannot be together. I am undeniably in love with her more than I’ve ever been in love with anyone before but nothing has ever happened between us and it’s frustrating. Whenever one of us tries to walk through that door and over that threshold the other one slams it shut…me by way of avoidance and her by way of invoking either her boyfriend or my wife. I’m not even sure that she feels the same way about me because it’s something we’ve never dared to talk about. But if I found out she didn’t have the same feelings I would have to check to make sure I didn’t come from another planet yesterday. It’s all quite pathetic really.
I know… I’m scum for being married and carrying on this relationship. Right? But the fact of the matter is that I’m human. I work with this woman very closely. I cannot avoid these feelings and replace them with feelings for my wife that do not exist. I could avoid personal time with her but I don’t want to. I’ve done it before. It’s a form of pure torture and puts me into a depression. The only way I think this connection could be severed is if one of us were to find another job but even then I’m not sure whether the feelings would subside or get stronger from distance. We’ve both looked for other jobs and we’ve both even been offered other jobs but in each case it doesn’t work out and we are still stuck every day, fearful of the potential energy between us and fearful of each other. I don’t know what to do. For me this really is the best of times and the worst of times.