"follow Your Heart"... Psh Yeah Ok....

So when I was 15 I met this guy... we can call him "Red"... and I fell head over heels in love with him. We would spend all day together and if we weren't together we were on the phone. He moved out of state and we continued to talk everyday for hours and hours and hours. He knew me better than anyone...

After a few months had passed I realized "Red" was involved with drugs and a few other things I wasn't ok with, including a warrent out for his arrest. I gave him a choice, turn himself in or never contact me again. The next day his father called me to thank me for convincing "Red" to turn himself in and that "Red" wanted me to enjoy my life while he was locked up and he had only asked I wrote him. I could see other people and do what I wanted as long as I wrote him. "Red" spent two years in jail and by this time I had been the original 16 and pregnant and I had started a life with my now husband and our daughter. "Red" stayed in and out of jail for a few years and finally got out for good.

Fast Forward: "Red" got married had 2 kids and adopted his now ex-wifes daughter as well. I am married, 5 years now, and I have a really great life. "Red" and I spoke for about 2 months and I decided I couldn't handle talking to him because I felt as if I was being unfaithful to my husband. I love my husband I truly do. We are even trying to have another baby and grow our family, but for some reason "Red" is always in the back of my mind. I haven't spoken to him in a month, because I asked him not to contact me... and I can go weeks without thinking about him and then BOOM he just pops in my head and wont go away. I know I am truly in love with my husband, but why can I just leave "Red" alone????

I feel terrible because I feel like I'm doing something wrong even though I'm not speaking to him... yet I feel bad because I really want to speak with him... UGH I don't know what to do!!! Some friends say get over him... others say go to him.... I'm so confused!!! Help please!
trinityalewis trinityalewis
26-30, F
Jan 4, 2013