And I Know That You Don't Want to Be Leaving Me.

He is 27, I am 17.  Let me start out by saying, I have experienced far beyond my years.  I have experienced far beyond even my mothers years.  In fact I had felt for most of my childhood, and into my teenage years that I had to be the parent, my mother is a severe alcoholic, and my father is a drug user, who hasn't been in my life much since I was about 4.  I had rebelled when I was 14, into a slue of drugs and promiscuity.  Wondering why everything I had ever loved had abandoned me.  Which are some pretty heavy feelings to feel when you're 30 i'm sure, let alone 14.  Regardless, I raised myself, and I had to grow up very quickly to endure the things that I have.  Hense the reason why I have never connected with anyone of my own age. 

About last year, I had been connected, through a mutual friend, to a girl that had been an active member in DIY shows.  Yes, the kind of shows that you need good quality earplugs, and a tolerance for 5 hours of screaming.  We had quickly become friends.  She was a year younger than me, and her parents had allowed this guy stay with her for a bit.

She had lived about an hour outside of my town, but we had met up at a bowling alley 10 minutes away from her, since my mom was dating someone from her town.  We arrive at the bowling alley at about 10 PM, it was Saturday night and it was Cosmic Bowling.  My friend and I are waiting and waiting for her to show up, and finally she does.  With a bunch of people.  One of them, being him.  Tis' when the party started.

They paid for their lanes, and we had all traveled outside for a cigarette afterwards.  He approached me, with vodka in a water bottle, and said something to the effect of, "here, have a good time".  Of course I'm thinking, "HELL YEAH!".  Hard liquor, friends, and tons of flashing lights.  At the time the 3 things I had enjoyed the most.  After consuming half a water bottle of vodka, my lips are loose.  And bowling is even more intensified.  This group of kids, ranging from 8 to 12 years old, are being rather annoying, and I'm rather intoxicated.  They say something to me to the effect of "You're a fatass".

And on his white horse, here he comes.  Making it very clear that they're 12 years old, and they will not say that to anyone he is friends with, in his presence.   The guy in the next lane overheard what was going on, and approached him, asking him what the F his problem is, and why is he yelling at a 12 year old?  Things got heated quick, soon enough the son of the owner came out, got into his face, and then a chair went flying.  I don't remember much after that.  The next thing I remember is him at the front desk, asking for his 72 dollars that he spent on everyone to bowl, back.  The owner arguing with him, and me with my arms around his waist, taking brass knuckles out of his pocket, and handing it to his friend, trying to hold him back from hitting the owner.  Cops coming in, tearing me off of him, and me following him outside, and him back talking the cops, and then getting arrested. 

That was the first time we met.

Generally I would have thought anyone who had done what he had done was an idiot.  And I wouldnt' have gotten involved.  But I did, and I don't know why.  I don't know why I concealed his brass knuckles for him, or held him back.  It was meant to be.

We had seen eachother one other time before the big news.

He began dating the girl that he was living with.  Who was significantly younger than him, but her, like me, had also been wise beyond her years.  Though it wasn't legal, what is these days?

From the night we first met, and onforth, we continued to talk on a regular basis.  He would tell me how bad it is with her, and how he's trying.  Eventually we started feeling as more than friends for eachother.   I wasn't having that.  Him being with her, and us talking like we were.  Eventually I let him know that it was wrong, and that he was obsessed with getting hurt by her. 

One night I recieve a call from him on my cell phone, telling me her Dad had caught then doing the deed.  And he had been kicked out, and that if he had ever came around her again, he was getting reported.  Of course, I consoled him, and let him know that it wasn't worth the risk to go back to her.  It was the perfect opportunity to get away from the situation.

That was the last time we spoke. 

I had called him a few times after that, with no answer.  The summer went on, and still no contact with him.  One night I had a dream about him, and that's when the worry set in.  I had gotten rid of my cell phone, for a new one.  Eventually I switched back to my old one, and realized his number was in it.  So I figured I'd give it one last try, it was about 3 or 4 months since the last time we had spoken.

I called the number a couple of times with no answer, and I recieved a call about 10 minutes later from the number I had been calling.  I had asked the man if it was "him", and he said no, he had no idea who he was.

What the F?

I had gotten onto myspace that night, and went to his profile, and he hadn't been on since July.  It was about early September or so.  I found his top friends, and contacted his number one, who had been his bestfriend.   I questioned if he had known anything about where he was, or when the last time they had talk was.  He had no idea where he had been either.  We both were worried that something really bad may have happened.  Luckly his father, and the kids, were really good friends.  He had his father call and see if he could get information.

Jail, statutory rape.

My heart sunk deep into my stomach when I had heard that, because I knew exactly what had happened. I didn't need to hear the story, it would have only made me more angry that I had become. 

What angered me was that she knew what she was doing, there was no damage done to her.  She had found out that we were talking, and had become jealous, and did what she did.

Soon after, I spent most of my days figuring out where he was, and how I could get a visitation with him.  October came around and I had finally gotten it all settled, and had a visitation for the following week.  I was nervous, I had never been there.  I had no idea what it was going to be like and I was afraid to see him, thinking he had gone to hell over this whole thing.

We drove for 2 hour to get there, had gotten lost, and finally found the place.  They were about to not let me in because I was late, then I had told them all I went through, and they put me in the next visitation slot for an hour later. 

Quickest hour of my life.  I go in, and I had expected to be behind glass, but there were metal tables, in a maze form, so the inmates couldn't get out, and we couldn't get in, but we would sit 2 1/2 feet away from eachother.  I was relieved, I thought it was going to be like the movies.  I sat down at the table, and waited for the inmates to arrive.  Person after person came in, and still no him.  And then there he is.  Looking better than I have ever seen him.  I knew I was the last person he had ever expected to see sitting there.

We got to talking, he explained everything to me.  Everything that I said I didn't want to hear, was being spoken directly infront of my face.  My hatred for her grew rapidly, and my stomach turned.  However, I was happy to see him, so I put it all aside for the hour we had.

He charmed the pants off of me.  Almost literally.  His gorgeous eyes, combined with his appreciation he had for me being there.  Overwhelmed me. 

I visited weekly for about 4 months.  Until one visit, as I was sitting there talking to him, it hit me.  This is the person I will spend the rest of my life with.  I was taken away, so many emotions.  Anger that she had taken away the person that I wanted to be with, happiness because I could tell he felt the same, sadness because, oh, I forgot to meantion... I started seeing someone after the two of us stopped talking for a while.  I didn't want to break the heart of the one I was with.  And on came the battle.

For a while I was tossing them back and forth, I didn't know what I was going to do.  Things weren't the best between me and the one I was with, he hadn't appreciated anything I'd done. Ever.  And there was someone who was innocently sitting in jail, who would have killed to be with me.

Months went by of visitations, and I eventually made my decision.  I wanted him.

There had been a period during all of the months of visitations, where I had stopped seeing him.  And hadn't written him for a few weeks because I couldn't take the decision I had to make.  I regret that more than anything because little did either of us know, he was getting sentenced to 2 years in State Prison.  I wish more than anything I had that time now.

He just got sent off Tuesday of this week, so I'll have to wait a while for him to get settled in to write me.  I can't wait.


That's our story.

karissadeya karissadeya
11 Responses Mar 19, 2009

Honey you are an amazing writer. I used to write a lot when I was your age too and I see that you truly have a gift for it. And as for the judgmental women who wrote back to you, I think that is exactly why women don't have better relationships with each other. You shared the whole truth of your story and I think that is amazing and honest and the fact that she couldn't handle it says more about her than it does about you.

not sure if you get on here anymore....but if you me thanks

Right, now you're just stirring the pot. You're cut off.

Oh dear my point exactly. Settle down!

No ****? Everyone has emotions. Everyone is very emotional, because everyone is feeling something, at all times of the day, everyday, their entire lives. It seems that you're a very cold person, scorned by a lot of people in your life whom you've wished to see a change, but couldn't. My heart goes out to you though. I would be miserable too if I went around from day to day finding the worst in people in pointing it out. <br />
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Word of advice though... <br />
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Make sure your hands are clean before you start pointing fingers. If you feel that your hands are pure and free of problems, then we'll talk about mine. Until then, concentrate a little harder on your own.

Seems like your a very emotional person I would be too if I put myself in your situation. Good day or not

He has changed his mentality, and realizes that he now has responsibilities, and he's going to have a lot to take care of once he gets out. I'm not saying I want only nice comments, I'm more than willing to accept your opinion, don't leave comments like you are, unless you're willing to have them refuted.

According to what you wrote he has been up to nothing but trouble since you've meet him. So what exactly has he done to change his life? He's in prison!! If you don't want honesty you should have said nice comments only please.

I'm not dumb Adri. He's got plenty of people to comfort him, many of friends, supportive family. I've considered all of the possible ups and downs of this situation. He is a very classy guy, and has had some run in's with his responsibility in the past. He was going on a bad path, and he realizes it. As I say; Don't shun people for the mistakes they made, commend them for the corrections they're making.

I know exactly how you feel - my boyfriend is 27 and I'm 17 crazy huh? But seriously go with your heart and don't listen to the mugs that tell you it's not love... my boyfriends been in and out of rehab for everything and anything. He's 9 months clean and I can't tell you how much I love him. He is the one and we are together despite losing family and friends over it. We've stood by each other through the hard times. He is still in rehab, I miss him everyday and can not wait until we are together again. Keep going

He doesn't sound like a very classy or responsible guy. Also keep in mind he's locked up with nobody to comfort him besides you so don't be surprised if it's all just a game.