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Waiting Is A Lonely Game

I dont really know were to start. I fell in love with an old flame, who i went to high school with some time ago now! I found him on a well known web site, an got in touch with him. I was so happy to have found him again! We went out together for dates, it was great. I soon found myself in love big time with this guy! I was with him for a month or so when he and his friend went on a weekend holiday, anyway to cut it short he didnt come back. He was caught by the police and is still on remand, its nearly been a year now. I know people will think what a stupid girl for waiting, but i really do love this person. I want him in my life so much, its torcher having to wait and not have him by my side. Its hard for people to actually understand, but you cant judge unless you have been there, can you! So i decided to write it words how i feel, an hope i get some feed back. thankyou

toria28 toria28 26-30, F 44 Responses Jan 22, 2010

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I have known a man for years and we were always attracted to each other but never acted on it. 22 months ago he went to prison. I reached out to him and we begin writing and talking on the phone. We talked about are hidden feelings for each other and we began getting close, making plans to explore a relationship together. We talked about everything for 22 months when he found out he was being paroled we made plans for me to take off work for a week so we can spend time together and explore our relationship. Well he got out July 1st and I have not heard a word from him, no calls nothing. I feel so stupid I let my guard down and it's hard accepting that everything he said to mr for 22 months was a lie. I know I need to move on and I will learn from this but it would have been nice to have an explanation as to why he made the decision he did to just walk away as it none of this ever happened.

Im going through the same thing. The onl difference is me nd him was not together before he went to prison but we knew each other. Love is not stupid! Whts stupid is not folllowin your heart nd not knowin wht could of happened between ya'll

My story is exactly the same. Him and I were friends but lived in different states. I lost contact with him for 13 years. Recently, he's been on my mind and I started thinking about him so much that I decided to search for him. It was a difficult search but I never gave up hope and prayed and I finally found him, where? In prison doing 15 years. Fifteen years people. I think about him everyday. I have recently written to him and hoping to hear back from him. Most of you guys are lucky to have to wait 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years. I love my friend very much and I don't know how to wait 15 years, I just don't know how. It's already been 13 years since we lost contact, now I've lost him all over again. I pray he'll make it out before 15.

I like your title. It is what i feel the same. When sth is too tiring to be chased, stop doing it. There are still a lot of men waiting for you.

Ok don't know how I found this page lol,but I feel better already when I read other's stories. My story is, we haven't been together long at all, nearly 4months! People will say its a short time and its not love,or I'm silly for actually going to wait, but I really do love him. He hasn't been mr perfect.but he's my world. I've been through so much in my past, and had trust issues, he came into my life and I can truly say I've fell in love with him after spending so many days n nights together! He has been abusive verbally and physically, n cheated before, ( so I was told ) but now I know he's just with me!I know people are gonna judge reading this, but me n him have something different. His family will expect me to leave because they r pakistani and I'm white irish&english and white girls always are looked at like sh*t, but I'm gonna prove everyone wrong. He hasn't even been sentenced yet but is looking 15years he told me :( I'm so gutted, he's already done 2, and then 4. He's 22 I'm 18, I feel like I'll waste my life away waiting for him but I truly cannot c myself with anyone else. I'm not young and dumb, I know what I'm letting myself in for but I just don't know what 2 do!! I wonder if anyones got a similiar situation like mine? Love 2 chat! Iv neva felt comfortable with my past ex's, but me n him its somethin different. Iv grown up loads since being with him, I know he needs me, I need t make him change and hold him down!!! I just wish we had a family together scared that will never happen like we wanted :( please pray fo him that he doesn't get long! I'm going to pray myself now. All u ladies, keep strong n stand by your man! People can judge but they don't know our feelings inside for our partners! Neva thought I'd b this in love but I know its something real. I got u boo x

OMG I'm going thru something similar! I starting dating this guy about 3 months ago. He treats me like a queen! About a month ago he was arrested on a bs charge. :( EVEN though we havnt been dating long he has really left and impact on my life and I really care about him deeply and I'm not leaving his side. so stick by your man hun! Good luck. :)

I am going through the same mine has been locked up 1 yr almost and is waiting to be sentenced in may he is looking at 5 yrs I want so bad to wait it just hurts so much without him how do u get through the days we have a 1 yr old baby boy together who looks just like him so its hard to see him basically every day. How do u do it

your story is almost exactly the same as mine, accept ive not been waiting a year its been couple weeks I already feeling lost and **** how am I gunna feel further down the line :( phone calls and writing just isn't enough

I understand, My man went to jail just recently should have been a little while but turned out to be longer than we expected. I miss him so much and can't stand being without him, it's so hard.

If he is Worth it !! Wait ,,, people will Always have Somthing to Say ... I choose to wait and i don't Regret that .. Just Dont Lose YourSelf waiting On him .. If its ment it will Be ..Best Wishes though.

My boyfriend of 2 months is in prison for 2.5 years. He's been gone for 2 months already which means we started dating when he got put in jail. Before he got caught him and i met January 2013 and were good friends for awhile, we hung out everyday and we always had fun. Then in May 2013 things started between us and it was more of a friends with benifits, but more than just friends. Hard to explain, but i fell for him hard real fast. I knew he was going to get in trouble cause he's made some bad decisions.. But that didn't stop me from liking him. I stuck by his side even though we weren't dating. I wanted him and only him and still do. Aug 8th he was put in jail and Aug 21 we started dating. Ive been waiting for 3 months almost and it's hard so far, but i'm going to do it. I love him and most people would think its a bad idea but i see him in my future. Mar 2016 is his release date. It seems so far away but when i think about what i did 2 years ago, it doesn't seem that long. Waiting gets hard but if you really love that person you can do it.

I recently met someone in prison through write a prisoner, we have exchanged emails and pictures phone calls. I never would dreamed that I would start to fall in love with him. He will be transferred in his home state will be closer for me to visit. I feel like I'm in his world and want to wait for him. People don't understand but I don't care I have this feeling that is so good I had this love only once in my lifetime never thought it would come to me this way or ever again. It is also hard because I long to be with him. I don't want anyone else. I know his past

I am in the same kids father went into federal custody 3 months before I delivered our second daughter..he's been away now for 15 months and he just got sentenced to 120 months (10yrs) I love this man with all my heart & im waiting on just have to stay focus & keep busy..I have a 10 year old & a 1 years old & they keep me on my toes..I also registered for school & i will be perusing a career in those are four years off top that are going to fly will always be the people who will call you just tune them out & remove yourself..b/c if they meant you any good they would be rooting for you!

I too am in this situation. I love my future husband. We had started making future plans. I knew all about his past and that he was a felon. That any day he could be ripped away. Well that day came. A court ordered therapy from years ago that was long forgotten caught up with him. He has been in for 2 and a half months. We have four months at the most to go. Only 86 days if he gets good behavior time. The waiting isn't the hard part. The missing is. I would wait for him forever. Just to be in his arms at the end. I never thought I would find myself in this situation but here I am. In love with a prisoner. And waiting as long as I have to!

I'm going threw the same thing with my daughters father who is also in jail && yes days are cold n nights are lonely but I'm standing by my man

I too have a man that I love, and been with off and on with for the 30 years. He means the world to me, and I am standing by his side while he is behind bars, for 5 years. You do lonely, and miss the hell out of them. Stand by your man, if that is what you want. God bless you and your family, much luck.

I'm going through the same and whats crazy is I fell in love of something similar just like your story, I have to wait SEVEN long years. Its like I'm doing real hard time too,but I love him with all my heart. And I'm only 26 and really willing to wait > you got it good gurl stick by your man that's what important .And remember everyone has a story so how can there be room for judgement.

Hello I just joined Thia online community hoping to also hear from other women that are in there same boat as I am! Well here is my boyfriend has been away since June 2012 and he is currently awaiting trial. He is facing up to 12 yrs if found guilty of all the mean time they did offer him a 4-8 plea but he ain't trying to bite. He's pressed on trial even though three possibility of us winning is slim to none!!! It hurts me sooo much because I feel like he's content with the idea of losing and having to sign away 12 yrs of his life and risking our relationship as well! I told him that I couldn't ride for 12 years! I'm 25 and I want to starr a family. I been doing this for almost a year now and the lonely nights and days I've spent are excrutiating! Right now I'm just debating on what to do...his trial is coming up here shortly in April and the thought of having to walk away if he lose is breaking my heart into a million pieces!I love him and will be here to support him but I can't be his lady for that amount of time and throw my life away for 12 years. Anyway it would be nice to hear from others going roughly thru the same thing. God bless you all!

hey every one! It is hard I am in the same situation ... but honestly in my case idk if is worth for me to wait for him . I love him but he has done really **** up things. I met him last year in Jan 2012 we just started dating in Sep 2012 .. he was in parole and he violated it. He is an alcoholic and an aggressive drinker... in Aug 2012 he was in a bar with his EX and they got in to a fight which let my Bf arrested.. since is was in parole that was a violation.. now he is in jail and i am the one crying because i miss him.. but i know he didnt get in trouble when he was with me... i just dont know is such a short amount of time of us being together and now we going in this path... knowing that when we were talking he was still chilling with his ex and he is in jail cause of her... he also dont want me to go out with my friends or people that he knows cause he does not want to hear the talking out their mouths when he gets back so i havent been out since Jan 2013 but i do love him.. he is going to be there for a year, we talk every day and i write him everyday 2... sometimes i just think is a lot of stress and it is not my fault.. i just dont know what to do...

I hope and that you guys r together soon. I know how u feel. Being judged. I get the d*m u to old to be waiting on him. But, he is who I love. People will always judge and voice there opinions. But in the end its what u thing and how he is toward you. Nothing but Love fa y'all

HI, Everyone to start I know its hard I'm just starting to experience this situation well 3 years ago I met who today is my fiance we went out got to know each other then we decided to move in together that's when he told me what kind of a job he really did for a living but since he seen that he finally found his soulmate he quit that life and we moved on 1year ago feds brought him in for his past I understand but 1 week after he left I found out I was pregnant it sucked big time I already have a son that he raised from my past marriage its hard for us I can't see him because his far only phone calls when I can afford them and on December 18 2012 he just got sentenced to 6 years in fed prison I love him and it sucks because he did changed his life for good he had a good job and he was going to school all the good stuff I write to him every day. And I think alot about him but I know its going to be a hard and long wait and the way I see it is as our last challenge to overcome I wish every single one of you lady's luck and blessings and I hope you guys can beat your challenges ....

i would have never known that i could have typed up this questions and really got answers. its crazy. im in texas and have been for a year and 9 months. ive been single for 4 ive been in no rush. Love brought this man in my life in late august. ive seen this guy before plenty times..but this time..i spoke. right then and there..i was in love. ive never been so septemeber he told me he was going to have to do some time. i thought to my self...damn,,,why me. i couldnt help it because i had already knew that GOD had sent this person in my life for a reason. everyday we were together. he made sure i was safe..he kept me on my toes..moved in with me and we began to commit to eachother. now its december and hes gotten locked up. ive been out of it for a couple days because school and things. he has to do maybe 3 years..2 if were lucky. i say waitin. i have to. because if he was out..he'd be with me no doubt. the love will keep us strong. say..if it doesnt work..i didnt waste anytime. i just learned something i say..God brought us together..and knew that we both needed to be worked on. So when he comes be right where i was when he left....WITH HIM......

Hi. I, too am in the same predicament. Only the man I have been seeing for the past 8 months is married, but not happily. I have known him for about three years. I am older and divorced and he sought me out but I did not act on his advances because he was married. However, it very slowly turned into a friendship over time and I got to know him and discovered he is a very sweet guy. We would always talk about our relationship experiences. We both married our first (very young) serious boyfriend/girlfriend after only dating a few people. Which we both agreed was a HUGE mistake. We also share having experienced rough childhoods as well. We have the same outlook on life too. We have so much in common, in his words "it's amazing". In addition to our conversations, I paid attention to the comments his friends would make about his wife and their relationship and how unhappy he was. Between what they say and what he shares, I felt comfortable that I was not a "home wrecker". But instead, I agree with you, I believe we have been brought together for a reason. For me, he is the first male in my life who has genuinely cared about me and not just looking for sex. There have been many times that we have been together and nothing sexual has happened, we really can just enjoy each other's company and be happy. Because of his work schedule and obviously his "situation" getting to see each other was hard, but we talked almost everyday about anything and everything. This is a first for me, which I truly believe is what keeps me involved. Through this I recently learned to never say never as I would never have seen myself involved with a married man. And as for him, he feels the same way about me. I guess we are bringing a little happiness to each other's lives. He has only been incarcerated for a few weeks now but before he left, he apologized for things turning out like they had and that he would miss me and hoped I would write. Having had really bad experiences with guys, of course the first thing that crosses my mind is whether or not he is asking for me to wait for him. So I think of comments his best friend has made to me over the past few months about him being crazy about me and how he thought he definitely would have told me about him getting arrested back in the fall instead of hiding it. That and I let my best friend, who knows our situation, read out last text messages and she feels that he is asking me to wait so that's what keeps me from moving on. He knows it would be wrong to expect that I would, so I guess in his own sweet way he's asking without asking lol. I care very deeply for him and would really have a hard time walking away unless it was a mutual decision to end things. His sentence is 20 months and he is hoping that with good behavior and it being his first time, it will be cut shorter. Being the "other woman" I really have limited access to what's going on, so I'm leaning on forums such as this to get information and support. I am in no rush either, as I feel the same way about what if it doesn't work...I would definitely not see it as a waste of time as he has changed my life in such a positive way and I made sure I thanked him for that before he left. It took something that was so wrong to make me "right" for the first time in my life! We are both firm believers that things happen for a reason... I'm believing there's a reason our paths have crossed...

Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much. I too have fell in love with an high school sweetheart which is now in prison. We have survived the first year and we have two more to go. It is hard when others dont understand. But love doesnt have an expiration date. You can stand the test of time. Stay strong for him and for yourself. If what you have now is real then it will last. It will make you, him, and your relationship stronger as well. Take Care. There are others out here with the same situation.

Your story sound like mine. I have fallin back in love with my high school flame we dated all thro middle school and high school. He will be released in September hopefully after a 7 year sentence and I am ever so impatiently waiting.

well its so hard to wait ive been messin with this dude for 8yrs now and I tld him that I didnt wnted to do this anymore cause when he got out the last tyme he went back to his bm and I felt thats shes the one that should ride with him this tyme that he went down but he looked me in my eyes and tld me that I need u but my heart wnts me to be there but sumthing is tllin me to move one cause I dont wnt to be hurt in the end cause he hurt me once before and I dont wnt that pain anymore cause he can say alot then get out and the same **** happens but waitin its a problem cause they will tll u that they changed and get out N do sumthing different then u thinkin in ur head really I waited for dis but gud luck in everything

I feel like that from time to time I don't wanna do it anymore and taken the chance he coming home not changin his ways getting hurt in many ways but i been here this long and love him and wouldnt ever want to leave him sitting in no jail wit no one some times we kinda gotta take that risk and believe in them and if it's not what they than we also gotta be prepared for that I meet my dude young after a yr he went to jail with a 10 yr sentence in the feds and it's almost up so I wish everyone well with there situation and blessed.

i know exactly how you feel. i met this guy in the begining of february and he got locked up on march 4th. during that time we spent every minute with eachother! it was wonderful.. i am 29, so i know that this isnt no high school love fling going on. he got 2 years and i have been waiting for him. i have 3 children and my family thinks that i am crazy for waitng for a guy in prison. but you cant help how you feel and my only advice for you is that of you love him, truly deep down in your heart, then wait... that is all you can do, because if you dont... and you get with someone else.. all your going to think about is what if i really was meant to be what if not waiting for him was the biggest mistake of my life.... but in the end.. its your choice that yolu have to make.. my choice- im waiting.. because if it doesnt work out when he comes home, at least i know that i tried and there wont be any wondering. Good luck!

i no how you feel im in the same boat. my boyfriend is in prison he get 5 to 10 i dont no if i can handl it. i love he very much. but my famly dozen no how i feel. i feel so can see i dont spell very good it hard to right letter to him i feel like im going cazy!! if you can halp me please do. i would like to talk to someone that nos.thanks

I am in your shoes. I've been friends with a guy for 7 almost 8 years. During that time he was in and out of prison. When he got out in jan 2011 we started talking as more than friends and for some reason we stopped talking for a few months. In may 2011 we began to go on dates again and really hit it off. By June 2011 we were dating. I knew in the past he had an addiction to heroin but figured he was passed that and living the sober life. Shortly after we began dating I realized he was still hooked on heroin so asked him to go into rehab. He did a 28 day program and came out - I waited. He was doing okay or so I thought until all my jewelry went missing and I then figured out he again was not done using. In oct 2011 he was brought back to prison for a parole violation. He was in prison until feb 2012. Again, I waited. By April 2012 he was back to his old ways using almost everyday. Disappeared for days and left me feelin unlove. By may 9,2012 we sought out help through a psychiatrist and suboxone. He was doing well until sept 2012 when he admitted he was on the run and turned himself in. I plan to wait again for max of 11 months as that's what he has left to max out but it's been a long 16 months and it's not easy waiting for someone in prison. Everyday you feel lonely and struggle but you have to ask yourself is this person worth all of this? I truly feel once your on the criminal system it's hard to get out so ask yourself if you can truly do this forever and that will be your answer on whether or not to stay. Some people change and some don't so it's up to u to decide what you are willing to do for love.

It has been almost a year since my husband has been gone I see him as often as I can. We were together for 6 months when he found out he finally had a warrant out for his arrest from a car accident that happened a year ago, I wasn't with him at the time and he let me know that he was unsure about the outcome of his accident. But I choose to be with him anyway. He and I had known each other since high school both of us crushed on each other but our lives went in different directions I ended up having a child an was with her dad for 5 years, I ended up hanging out with old friends an an him an I were apart of this group of friends so we were always hanging out, 6 months after my break up we ended up getting together it was unexpected how great we got along and how strong of a bond we had I fell in love with him in 2 weeks flat and it was mutual, we were inseparatable I had never had this type of happiness in my life an to top it off he loved my daughter an she loves him. I was scared to get involved knowing he might have to go to prison but it didn't matter because he was my happiness. So waiting is what I have done he gave me the chance in the beginning to leave him telling me he would understand if I can't do it or be with him anymore with tears in his eyes, I looked at him and told him I love you , and that I promised him I wouldn't leave him that I would always be there an I've keep that promise he will be home in less then 5 months I am so happy I married while he has been in, so I have yet to have the first night with my husband so the day he gets out will be amazing our first night together as husband and wife offically, people tired to tell me not to wait but the people who truly knew us and saw us together knew how amazing he is I'm happy I had the support from my family. I have women who admire my strength for being able to go through this, because it isn't easy but if you love someone enough you will wait until the end of time for them, people who can love like us are real, and I hope some of these girls women who think their in love all the time and keep breaking up over petty stuff learn from us and realize that love doesn't come easy, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one

No, absolutely no one can judge you! The only thing you did is loving too hard.<br />
I can't blame you or think that you are stupid to think that way. However, I hate to tell you that your situation is rather tough and that it will get tougher in the long run. It might be easy for you to say that you'll wait for him but it is actually easier said than done. I hate myself for telling you this but I think you need to be realistic. Well you didn't really say how long he'd be lock in but still! Good luck though!

It's been nearly 3 weeks since my boyfriend got locked up and I am finding it very hard already and I am missing him like crazy! He will be serving 3 and a half years in total people say it will get easier and will fly by but right now I don't see how. I have my first visit tommorow and I am really nervous because I know I will miss him more after seeing him in there and leaving him. I am trying to keep busy and take my mind off things and look forward to when he gets moved to an open prison and is coming out on home leave.