It's A Roller Coaster.

We'll call him DJ. We were together for almost 2 years and during that time we lived together. Lots of things changed, and although we still have very strong feelings for each other we are not in a relationship anymore. However we are very close friends. I am proud to say I am in love with him, and I hope some day we can work things out and be happy while still being a part of each other's lives.

I met him two summers ago and learned so much about him. He told me that in high school he was diagnosed with bipolar, medicated and attempted suicide multiple times. Personally, I believe that medicating young teens is a disaster waiting to happen. But that was his mom's choice, I guess. They took him off the meds and he stopped therapy when he turned 18.

I've known a couple people with bipolar disorder and I never really understood it. I did not see the signs at first but they were there. He can't trust his own decisions. Always second guessing himself. Making and breaking promises. Making plans then disappearing for days. He can't sleep, he sleeps forever. He wants to make love, he thinks sex is meaningless. He would hurt my feelings a lot and not even be aware of it, but he was EXTREMELY sensitive. He has trouble saving money. As time went on things escalated. He is SO paranoid. His anger has grown and he's gotten in trouble for it many times now, when he used to be so gentle. We broke up because he thought I was bringing him down, but it turns out he's miserable no matter what he tries... yet he has refused therapy so many times because of bad experiences with it in the past...

He has even lost almost every friend (except me) because he lashes out angrily at them and is extremely antisocial! He punched his BEST FRIEND of 8 years in the face during a verbal altercation. The lack of self control he has been demonstrating terrifies me. He even gets physical with me... if I say anything that he finds offensive (which he often does because he's extremely defensive and paranoid) he'll pull my hair, flick me, or slap me. I don't like it and I ask him to stop all the time... People say "there's no excuse for abuse" but I know this man and I know he's a good-hearted person. I truly think he is losing grip of his sanity, and that's where this negativity is coming from. All signs point to bipolar disorder. He's going back to therapy soon (i HOPE he doesn't back out this time) and I expect them to diagnose him but he doesn't want medication (I would agree there, I don't think meds are always the answer). I can see a difference in his personality when I look in his eyes. Sometimes, they look like the eyes of a dead man, when he's depressed. He'll lay there for hours and literally not say a word other than "mhm" or "nuh-uh". Other times, his eyes look like they're on fire.... Angry, crazy eyes with no rationality... I miss the level-headed, calm boy I knew and love. No one understands him... he won't let anyone in, and I think that he may not even believe me when I tell him how much I care about him.

I'm so sick of people telling me to drop him and leave him for dead. I'm not going to abandon him when he has no one else. When I was suicidal, he was there for me. I pulled myself out of that rut and now I'm working towards a happier life. What do I do? How can I talk to him when he's acting manic in a way that will calm him? What is the best way to deal with this situation? I'm really worried about him, and also the safety of those around him. I just want my DJ back. I know he's under all the rubble. SOMEBODY GIVE ME ADVICE :( The only advice I get from the people around me is "cut him out of your life". Even he tells me that I should drop him and never speak to him again because he's so afraid of hurting me or breaking my heart again... But I am strong. I have had my heart broken before and I know that no one can bring me down unless I give them permission to... Anyone have words of wisdom?
AlexSparky AlexSparky
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 11, 2013

Hi AlexSparky! I also love someone with Bipolar Maniac Disorder. We've been married for 15 years now. He has never hit me or being verbally abusive. However, he is emocionally abusive. You are right, it is a roller coaster! You never know what you are going to get. Your hopes go up when things look "normal" but then boom! Something changes, he is too out there to even keep a conversation. My hisband is on medication now -I make sure he tskes it EVERYDAY- but tried to commit suicide a couple months ago. Lost his job and had a "friend" . It has been devastating, to say the least. It is very important for you to make him understand how important it is to take his medication: it regulates his moods and makes him see things more clearly. And of course, regular visits to a psychologist. It helps a lot! Be patient and loving -some days you do not feel that way and believe me, I do understand you 110%!
Talk to him but hold your ground. By doing so, you are giving him some boundaries and solid ground.
I hope this helps :)

Sorry I hope you don't mind but has he ever been sectioned before due to hi bipolar?

His*

Hello. I've been in contact with bipolar disorder before. I won't tell you to leave him and forget that he ever existed because that isn't supposed to happen if you really love someone. In fact, I'm going to ask you to stay with him, to be his support, to love him, to argue with him, to fight with him (if necessary) to guide him. But also, I want you to be realistic. Bipolar disorder is a sickness that must be controlled through medication. The function of medication is to try to find a midpoint between the stages of anger and euphoria. Please try to find a conscious doctor that won't keep him sedated everyday. That's depressing and sad.Finally, please keep both of you safe. Depression is very dangerous when finds people alone.Regards. Mac.