Alone

Ok, this probably sounds stupid, but I liked this person as soon as I saw them. Mind you, back then I didn't know that it would turn out the way it has, I just thought "wow, she's hot" and then turned back to talking to my friends. Time went on and circumstances kept throwing me near her, although being a painfully shy person, I rarely spoke to her and when I did it was very basic things, "hi, how are you" or similar. But I gleaned information, listened when she spoke and almost without noticing, I found myself falling for her.

Now, where I live, being gay doesn't exactly make you different but it does make things harder, for me at least, because I have very little self-esteem and find it difficult to speak to those I don't know. During the time I was slowly falling for this person, the girl I was dating broke up with me, which hurt but it was more because of her reasons than the fact that the relationship was over. I didn't think breaking up with someone because they were depressed over the death of a pet was a good reason. Regardless, when she asked me out again later I said no, not because I was angry but because even though I liked her, I liked the other person more and I knew that, even though I'm too shy to talk to this other person, it's not fair to commit yourself to someone you can't love whole heartedly.

Then I started noticing things. Stupid, little things. Like how those stupid quizzes that are meant to tell you the first letter of the name of your true love, would always come back with the letter of her first name.

Anyway, it's stupid I know, a 19 year old shouldn't have spent 18 months head over heels for someone who doesn't even care they exist, but whatever, story of my life.