The pain in my heart wont go away

So this is my story. I was 16 when I met my future husband. He was 14. for the first 4 months it was bliss. Then he moved in. It got serious really quickly. I remember him always asking me to marry him and I would tell him 'no, we are too young'. we started fighting alot for about 6-9 month. After about 1yr 1/2 he broke up with me, first by lying and saying he cheated on me only to find out he didnt and 1wk later ended up dating again. A few months after that he sent me a message on Myspace telling me he couldnt be with me. We have ALOT in common he just doesnt see it. After we broke up we stayed friends he say other girls, I was still head over heals for him. I always knew that he knew it. After a few months he started coming to me for sex. At first I would kiss him, and pretend it was like it used to be. After awhile I told him we could have sex but with no kissing. Kissing has always been more personal to me then having sex. We kept that up for about 1yr and a half. I was horribly depressed knowing that he would date these girls then come spend the night with me. Then I found out I was pregnant. When I told him the first words out of his mouth was 'what do you think about abortion?'. I told him over and over that if he didnt want the baby and if he wanted to leave then he could. I wouldnt stop him. He had until the end of my pregnancy to decide what he wanted. 2 weeks after our son was born he decided to join the Army. I had no problem with that as long as he was reserves. After coming back he told me he was going active. The minute he saw the sadness in my eyes he said 'why dont we get married and you'd move on base with me?'. I was/am in love with him. I said yes. We were married the next date. We drove to Virginia so we could be married on the spot. On the way back he kept smiling at me telling me 'We are married' 'your my wife' with a big smile on his face. Until he left for the Army we were in complete bliss. Making love all the time, laughing hanging out. It was wonderful. I REALLY belived he loved me. When he left for APS (army school to get his GED) he met someone, which I didnt find out until 2 months ago 6 months after the fact. He came home to me for x-mas and we had a fight once where he said he didnt want to be with me anymore. 3hrs later he said he really did love me and wanted to be with me. I was his wife and blah blah blah. He gave me the ring back. I accepted that. When he went back to AIT he was still wonderful, saying he loved me all the time. how much he missed up, up until 1hr before I got a txt message saying he started talking to her and was in love with her. I was crushed, he was my love. This had been an ongoing fight between him and I. He just got back and is now living at his father. I ended up sleeping there on St.Pattys day because I was wasted and they live 2 blocks from the bar I was at. At 7:00am he woke me up to have sex. I thought maybe he wanted to be with me. I was wrong. I have his old cell phone and his Email account is linked up to it. When it said he got a new email I was nosey and read it. He got a new myspace and she was the only person he added and the only person he tried to add. She doesnt want to be with him. I've talked to her. They are sooo different and we live in PA and she lives in CA. I'm so hurt that he could still be stuck on her and have had sex with me. it drives me crazy. I feel so stupid.

RabidusDecorus RabidusDecorus
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 20, 2009

I apologize I haven't been on in a long time. My husband and I got back together. We had another baby 6 weeks ago. The day before Valentines Day he dumped me again, same sorry 'I was never happy excuse'. Come to find out it was another girl...again..

what happend to your son?, if it isnt to much of a personal question,<br />
and if you dont mind me asking.