It Turned Out Terribly

 I fell in love with a very close friend of mine. 

I knew that I loved her for over 7 months before I cracked and told her

She didn't believe me at first, she thought it was all a joke because I am a girl to.

But I told her the sincerest truth -That I love her

I had to make her know that it was true:

I called her one night and choking back tears, swearing because I was embarrassed and not even speaking very coherently I passed the message through to her.

She stopped being my friend after that night. Despite the fact that I pleaded her to not tell anyone she didn't keep that promise. She was the only girl I had ever liked at that time. I was scared and I didn't want to be labeled lesbian if she was just an exception to my preferences.

She avoided looking at me at all costs and stopped talking to me after a few weeks. She wouldn't even register my existence unless I asked her a direct question that she couldn't answer without being overly rude.

I hated myself for telling her and I hated that she thought I was gay or something

My first experience with love was terrible and doubly hurt me because now I think everyone would hate me if I ever let them know that I like girls as well as guys.

I wrote this as a warning: be careful who you fall in love with- it's sort of stupid me saying this because I couldn't help it at all, but, love can make people blind to the other person's faults. It can backfire and this experience has permanently changed me.

And if you DO decide to let the person who you love know -consider it carefully. I was rash and probably didn't tell her in the best way. Make sure you endeavor to ask advice before you say anything. I asked for none at the time and looking back, I sincerely regret it. 

stareyed stareyed
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 16, 2009

I don't think you should fall into regret and hate yourself becuase had you not told her how you felt, she would have continued to be a fake friend to you in disguise. I think what you should really be concentrating on here is the fact that this girl was never your friend. No matter your orientation or who you love, she should be there for you as a friend should.<br />
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I can understand that confessing your love for someone can be very burdening on that person becuase they may not know how to handle it, they may not know what to do or say or act and it can be scary. You told her this only after 7 months and maybe that was just too early, which may have been very suspicious to her. But if she did not feel the same way, it would not have been much of trouble to kindly turn you down. <br />
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Friends accept you for who you are, they support you, watch your back, keep you out of trouble, and don't betray you and if she wanted nothing to do with you, that was her problem. She certainly didn't respect the fact that you wanted this to stay private as possible. You trusted her enough to give her this side of you and she totally threw your trust away to speak of it to others.<br />
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Be glad that you did this, becuase you exposed a fake friend and you don't need that in your life, ever.