It All Began Summer Of 08'

A friend of mine told me about this guy she knew. She thought I might like him. I was staying in Texas for the summer and she gave me his IM address so we could chat. The night before I left town, we finally had a chance to talk. I was sad to be leaving because it meant I would never have the chance to meet him. From that day on, we talked almost every night. Slowly I realized that this was the man of my dreams. Everything about him was perfect in my eyes. He was attractive, smart, lived his life according to similar principles...

I knew that I wanted to be with him, to marry him someday. I thought we would find our way back into each others lives. That one day I would have the chance at happiness with him. We talked for months, learning everything about each other....then one day he disappeared.

He never seemed to be online, he never responded to my IM's. He never returned my calls.

So I wrote him off, I told myself that our short "romance" was over and I had to move on.

It hurt for a while, because he disappeared without a word, without a simple goodbye.

From September 2008 till January 2010 I didn't speak to him. But my mind never let him go...every guy I talked to, I compared to him. I wanted to find someone just like him.

Finally, in January of 2010, I couldn't stand it any longer. I started thinking about him again all the time. I then decided that I would give it one last try. The only problem is I didnt have his screen name anymore. After much thinking, I remembered it. So I left him an IM. The next day when I signed on, I saw an offline message from him. I WAS SO HAPPY!

...Since, ive told him how i felt, how much i missed him these past months, how much i thought about him.

I tricked myself into believing that maybe he was interested in me too. But like I heard once "If a man wants something, he will try his hardest to get it."

I know deep down this guy has no interest in me, and it kills me to my core. These last few days i haven't heard anything from him...so maybe he has disappeared.

He is the second guy I fell in love with, serious, undying, passionate love.

Both of them rejected me. The last time was 9th grade in HS, I spent the entire summer crying over him. But to this day, I love him just the same.

Now this guy, at 21 (almost 22) I find that my heart is breaking into pieces again because of the same reason.

It leaves an awful feeling within myself, to not feel good enough...I can get a guy, never had a problem with that...but I can never get the guy I want.

Maybe I'll spend the next few months crying over him too. Maybe one day I will finally wake up and realize that I will be okay, and I will fall in love with someone else one day and one day that person will love me back too!

onesadgirl onesadgirl
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 19, 2010

my story : ( i sometimes think though i want them more for that reason! i often wonder if i'd like them as much if they liked me back...