Will There Ever Be Room For Me?

My love story starts early. From the moment I met her in 7th grade to today, she has been the love of my life.  We had something in those early, confusing adolescent years that I will never forget.  Yes we dated, but I wasn't the only one.  I was just a boy, and I didn't know how to hold on.

Freshman year of highschool, she is dating my best friend, I am dating someone I never loved, and I still haven't told her that I love her.

I never knew her father, he died of brain cancer when she was in 6th grade.

Her mother died of breast cancer in the summer after freshman year.  I don't know how anyone can handle that pain as well as she did.

She moved away to live with her aunt.  To deal with the pain, she cut off all ties to her life in her home town, including me.  After a few years we would start visiting each other, but I haven't had the chance to be with her again.  There always seems to be other guys with her, ones that never add up to what she deserves.  I've had other girls too, and she was never satisfied with them either.  We both want better for each other, and I don't know whether to take this as a sign. I tried to forget how much I loved her, but whenever I am reminded of her all memories come crashing down on me.

She was visiting during senior year of high school, and had just started dating a new guy.  At a party, with alcohol to blame, we kissed. It barely lasted, she proclaimed mistake and we moved forward.  Her excuse was that she was thinking of her new boyfriend and kissed me, thinking I was him.  Did she lie? Will I ever know?

Now it is freshman year of college.  She went all the way to Brown while I stayed by home and went to Berkeley. I talked to her today on the phone.  She says she met a new guy.  He sounds pretty great.

She'll be back for spring break in two weeks.  I want to be with her more than anything, but I don't know if there will ever be room for me to have my say.  One day she is going to marry someone. I only have so much time.

everyreason everyreason
3 Responses Mar 10, 2009

Don't become one of those should've, could've, didn't type people. It may not work out but you'll surely never know if you don't even try. Tell her how you feel. If there's anything there she will respond. If she doesn't then it was only ever in your mind anyway. What have you got to lose? More importantly, what could you possible gain?

you only live once. there's now way for you to know if she feels the same unless you tell her. you dont want her to get married then have all the what ifs? you dont want to get drunk with her 10 years down the line both of you confessing your love one another while your both in commited relationships. you could hurt other people along this ride. tell her! for your own good.

There's only one thing to do! Let her know as soon as you can! I know it's hard to to but for all you know, she feels the same way about you.