Why Can't He Feel the Same Way

I met a man three years ago by way of the internet.  From the first time we met, I thought I had found love.  And yet the first time we met, he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and was still recovering from a relationship where she was the love of his life.  I liked him so much, that I said we could be friends, and I thought maybe his feelings would change with time.  A year later, we started sleeping together.  It was supposed to be "friends with benefits", but it felt like so much more.  We went on vacations together, we spent almost every day together.  Yet still, he did not love me back.  We moved to the same town together (lived in separate apartments) work at the same ski resort (different jobs). Now its been two months since we've been together.  I am trying desparately to get over these strong feelings of love, so that we can just be platonic friends.  But I can't.  Sometimes I think that if he would just love me, my depression surrounding this whole situation would go away.  But no matter how hard I try.  No matter how much I write in my journal that I don't want to be with someone that doesn't love me, I can't stop loving him.  Its like an addiction to herion.  Couldn't stop even if I try.  The worst thing, is that he really does make me feel so inferior.  Its like I could never be good enough.  No one has ever loved me, I feel as if I will never be good enough for anyone.  To make matters worse, I have an STD.  nothing that is life threatening, but something that will never go away.  So I can't just go out there and meet another man.  What would they say?  I can't move on, I'm stuck.  I don't know where the first step out of this maze is.
Starlyric33 Starlyric33
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 19, 2007

If I didn't know better I'd have thought you wrote my story here. My delema is I've been in love with my best friend since I was 11 and he 13; he took my virginity and I've been attached since. We parted ways during our 20's but always stayed in close contact. I was never labeled anything more than friend "Best Friend". Almost 4 years ago we were both in need of the support of a friend. I moved in with him and eventually we moved from one county to another. We've experience so much together. All of our time is spent together. We serve at Church, vacation, everything. I might stay at my place 2 days a month. But my situation is worse; he is clear that he loves me but is not able to be in love with me. He just doesn't feel that way, he can't. He claims to be attracted to me; and yes we are sexual, he says he's never been with a woman he makes him feel like I do. I'm the closest to perfect one can get. Yet I'm not the one and he's hoping his ex will return to him someday. It's been 4 years and he's in love with her not me. I'm approaching 40 and feel so horrible about myself. People say I shouldn't because I still pass for my late 20's. But years od rejection and the lack of affection has had an impact on my self esteem. I'll pray for you my friend.

After read your story i just realized is not only me that unlucky to love the man that dose'nt love me even i tries all my everything to him and almost 2year i still got the same result is negative, Most of all ur story is really the same type of mine too, first i actually i really cant accept what i got from him, i tries to lie my self and everyone that he dose love me and we are the same way, but after along ago i start to accept all and i just know love is pain & abandonment, Now we 're still in relationship even i tries to leave him but i cant as feel love him so much and i wish just can be with him as long as possible, at least to today we're together anyway

We often lose ourselves in these type of relationships. I am currently in the same situation but reading your posts makes me think that I need to get out while the getting is still good. He and I have only been talking for a couple of months, but like you stated, he too is not ready for a relationship because he was hurt from the past. So whatever happened between you and this guy that you loved?

I can SO relate to this. I have been with my person for almost a year. At times he says he loves me and at other times, ignores me, screens my phone calls, and tells me I'm just a friend. I love him so much it hurts inside and when he tells me I SO want to believe it. Then he acts up again and negates all the sweet words he once said. It is a bipolar relationship of ups and downs yet I'm not ready to break it off with him. To top it all off, the sex is AMAZING. I've been with many many lovers but his connection with me in that way is THE BEST. I love sex so the prospect of feeling comfy like that with someone else from scratch is just frightening. I am so sweet with him, play this thing by HIS rules, cook for him, have amazing sex 24/7 when we can, yet that is STILL not enough for him. I don't know WTF to do. At least it is comforting to know someone else can relate. Best of luck and I hope he and my man come to their senses!