Why Can't He Feel the Same Way

I met a man three years ago by way of the internet.  From the first time we met, I thought I had found love.  And yet the first time we met, he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and was still recovering from a relationship where she was the love of his life.  I liked him so much, that I said we could be friends, and I thought maybe his feelings would change with time.  A year later, we started sleeping together.  It was supposed to be "friends with benefits", but it felt like so much more.  We went on vacations together, we spent almost every day together.  Yet still, he did not love me back.  We moved to the same town together (lived in separate apartments) work at the same ski resort (different jobs). Now its been two months since we've been together.  I am trying desparately to get over these strong feelings of love, so that we can just be platonic friends.  But I can't.  Sometimes I think that if he would just love me, my depression surrounding this whole situation would go away.  But no matter how hard I try.  No matter how much I write in my journal that I don't want to be with someone that doesn't love me, I can't stop loving him.  Its like an addiction to herion.  Couldn't stop even if I try.  The worst thing, is that he really does make me feel so inferior.  Its like I could never be good enough.  No one has ever loved me, I feel as if I will never be good enough for anyone.  To make matters worse, I have an STD.  nothing that is life threatening, but something that will never go away.  So I can't just go out there and meet another man.  What would they say?  I can't move on, I'm stuck.  I don't know where the first step out of this maze is.
Starlyric33 Starlyric33
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2007

I know how you feel - I've had a very similar story... a guy who came out of a long relationship, who used me. I also find it hard to forget him. This is my story:

.experienceproject.com/stories/Love-Someone-Who-Doesnt-Love-Me/7304010

Sorry to hear about your STD. Is it not treatable?