Down and Dirty

today is kicking my ***. you're like a poison in my head that won't disperse. how the hell am i supposed to just forget about you- is life that simple? i was doing so well, bottling up all the emotions, pretending everything was okay.

i know it's not. deep down i know i'm not. i'm struggling with this you know...

did i disappoint you?

i think i've done all i can, but that doesn't make memories disappear. i can't erase everything in my heart and go about like there was nothing between us.

your messages confused me. i lay awake at night and try to sort out the mixed signals i received from you. the words that either elated and lifted me beyond dreams to the ones that knocked the wind out of my chest.

i'm losing it today. the mental dams are bursting at the seam and the flood is surging out of my dampened eyes. i can't control it, it feels like insanity with every breath. i love you with every fiber of my being, to the point i will try to fulfill my end of the agreement- but not today, today i need to get it out...

god i miss you.