How Can I Learn To Handle This? Scotland And California.

So I met my boyfriend online and I need help.

He lives in SCotland and I live in California. When we first emt and fell in love he had plans to move down here and everything was fine. And then he got testicular cancer, and he cant leave for medical reasons. I love him with all my heart, we're a perfect match and I decided to stick with him through the distance and the cancer. Treatment is taking ages longer than expected and it's making us both restless. We're unable to visit each other. We've been together 11 months now and only now this past month our relationships been really rocky. I discovered he had been emailing a bunch of girls, I read all the messages and they were all just game and he didnt even really talk back to any of them so I decided to take him back with much hesitation. Since then we've been a little rocky. At first it made us closer, he let me check up on him and he still does. But now I'm starting to feel really lonely and we talk less and less everyday. I find myself just sitting and crying I miss him so much. We both know if we could just be together everything would be fine and we'd be able to make it work. But we have no idea when we'll be able to be together.

I have no idea what to do. It has nothing to do with his personality, I love him and everything about him. We have the same values and morals and ideas for the future. We're alike but just different enough for it to be exciting, we totally compliment each other. But lately the communication just isnt there, we went to almost never fighting to fighting about petty stuff. Im miserable being alone but I dont want to leave him I love him. And with his cancer it'd kill me to not know how he's doing. I dont know what to do, this past month or two has been miserable. Im so lonely and were unable to talk at all lately. He seems like he's irritated a little lately by me and I'm not really feeling the love but he insists he just hasnt been feeling well. I told him I was considering breaking it off with him and it totally crushed him. He cried and cried, I know he loves me. We're not even an unhealthy couple thats constantly keeping tabs, we're really perfect. The distance is just getting to us? We cant talk on the phone, or skype, or send each other stuff because of our parents. He cant even send me pics anymore. All we have is text.. it's so hard!

But what to we do? We dont want other people, we cant do a break, we cant break up? What do I do? Can I fix this?
zamarripa4 zamarripa4
1 Response May 14, 2012

Wooooaaahh stay positive here. You know, long distance love is the more painful love? It is also the most strongest love there is. Now I know I'm young and all but I know this stuff, read my story and see that I do. I love someone too, that's far away, he doesn't have medical problems or anything, he's getting sick lately a lot that's all. But I'm not allowed to talk to boys in general or my friends on skype, but I do anyways, parents are always upstairs siblings are at work or in their rooms, and I'd whisper. <br />
What you can do, is talk about your futures. I know you don't know whats to come, but me and my boyfriend talked many times about the future, we've made plans, plan a b and c, everything, if this doesnt work out then, this will happen to make it work, and if that doesnt work then this gotta work, and so on. Make plans stay positive, as long as u have a CHANCE, no matter HOW little. If you are loyal, and faithful, take that tiny percentage in your hand, work at it hard, stay strong, mold it like clay and you will see your lovely master piece. Just be patient. <br />
<br />
I wrote something for my boyfriend, maybe if you read it you'll understand a bit. only pieces of it.<br />
<br />
We'll go on together with the pain and I swear that I won't complain. 'Cause I'll have the dream you gave me to finally be by your side to keep me strong just how I should be. You are what makes me happy, what I call my everything. Even if I am far from you, when there's more than distance between us. I will pick myself up once more, with the strength I have thanks to you, thanks to your love to me. We'll go on together with the pain, though I want to die I'll restrain.<br />
<br />
That's a piece of something I wrote to him, I am very open with him, he knows me in and out, he knows that I won't leave him, and that I'll wait many years, 10 if I have to, just to be with him.