i'm glad it happened :)"The only thing I know now, I will cherish every caring moments as I have learnt a lot, especially about myself too. And i will become the best while we are apart until we meet again. And that, it was the most beautiful encounter. Love is so pure."
For the past four years I have been thinking about this man who I met for a seemingly short amount of time. No matter how much I tried to throw the thought away. It just comes back as stronger.
He stepped on the bus for our educational trip with his friend, introducing himself that he would join us as he came for a university exchange. I remember I didn't even look at him closely as I was smiling at my friend who tried to speak to him in his japanese, and at that moment, my smiling eyes met his.
Only two of us, me and my friend, can speak japanese (even though brokenly), so we got paired up to be their personal tour guides. It was the loveliest time. Cameras, walks, talks. At the end of the day, before we parted I saw that he was looking sweetly, partly smiling to say thank you, but I didn't get a chance to talk.
After that, we met around school and university through out the following two months. He was very sweet and enthusiastic to see me ( i assume that was one of his personalities already) always there with a huge wave and wide smile. I often do activities around and he was there watching at a distance. Sad we never really get to spend long time together.
On his last day before he went back to his country, (I didn't know it was) I remember I was still in class, and we lingered a heck long moment standing on the opposite side of each other of a clear sliding door, as if he wanted to say goodbye. And I never see him again, forgot to ask for contact and all. . .
I read a book, a very illustrated once, that a guy wrote some simple noted everyday to this girl he loved but didn't get a chance to say it, And now she is nowhere to be found. I started doing the same thing, even though i know all the messages, cheering for him, etc would never reach him. I kept saying, I miss you so much!!! :)
Until sometimes last year, I finally found him on facebook. I was almost shocked that I did and as he was actually a bit older than I thought he was.
He responded our online talks quite really well but the question of how he actually feel now, and does he ever actually loved me during those days arise. So I kept my distance. too scared.
Until once, chatting, he gave me the best and the most loving assurance and courage to my everyday love, hope, and dream. He helps me appreciate just plain little happiness from simple things each day. He was really 'the' man. He always does everytime we talk. Always was, but I'm too scared to admit it as we are so faraway, he already work now, and Im still in college somewhere far as well.
During the japanese earthquake last year, I got really worried about him and we got really close, our talks and emotions were deep and things felt really meaningful. I feel so loving - to everything and everyone. Once in a while I was surprised how it came to be, how we were open to each other, and how i could care for him so much, considering our untitled relationship.
He said, Im sure she needs someone like you :) ( her, referring to an old lady suffered from a disaster that spent time with me.
He said, he can't wait to spend time with me where I am now. :')
how he appreciate my care, etc
And I know I can't stop loving him. And everyday I wish he is as happy I wanted to know how he is doing, i wanted to tell him he can do it. He's not very active online and many times we failed to communicate, busy, and of time differences. Now the distance grows further and then gets closer like sin graph.
The only thing I know now, I will cherish every caring moments as I have learnt a lot, especially about myself too. And i will become the best while we are apart until we meet again. And that, it was the most beautiful encounter. Love is so pure.
One last question, I wonder if I ever should tell him, my heart says Yes, but If that's right, when would be a good time? hmmm what else should be done?