I Wonder If This Is Meant To Be...
It's been about 4 years since it all started. He was working in Germany, I was living in Argentina. We found each other online. We were from the same hometown BTW.
We tried getting together but destiny didn't let it happen. We were never in the same country long enough to make it happen. Paris, Los Angeles, Berlin, NY, Mexico, and many other places were added to the endless list of places where either one of us was living ant any given time for the last 4 years. Work... too much work. We stayed in touch for years. Just as friends. But we still liked each other a lot. Finally a few months ago we talked honestly again and realized... we never stopped caring, we always liked each other, we still wanted to try. And we did. We spent a few weeks together until work commitments made me fly back to the US.
This time we decided to take destiny in our hands and just kind of make it happen. He came to visit. He stayed for 10 days. What for? Maybe just to be with each other a little bit more. Just to hug, to make love, to know each other more, just to be there... and it was wonderful. It really really was. He leaves tonight.
I'm getting this feeling of emptiness.
I feel like ... now what?
We still live in different countries. We still have separate lives, separate destinies. I feel like I may have let too deeply in my life someone who does not have the ability to stay in it. I may be just getting me some pain and heartache. He is wonderful. So wonderful. If he's not the one for me, then whoever it is... is gonna have to be a little bit like this guy.
He's incredibly sweet. I don't remember anyone aver looking at me that way. With so much care, passion, and depth. I don't remember anyone so sweet, so witty, genuine, fun and caring. Someone who... feels like home. It feels like home being with him. I don't remember anyone making me feel all these things in bed. He's a wonderful man. Even though he's not perfect, I really don't remember enjoying anyone's company this much... not for a long time at least.
He is leaving and making no promises. No commitments. We are keeping it still kind of secret.