So Far Away, And So Long

I met this girl almost five years ago when I was madly in love with another girl, and her with another guy.  We met online by chance noticing we were at the same beach concert.  And we just remained friends ever since, both of us experienced break ups and broken hearts and comforted each other during those hard times.  But for the first two years it was only a friendship., after that my feelings for her began to grow, she and I dated off and on and slowly are feeling for each other  grew beyond friendship, if not love, definetly a strong fondness.

As we both came to realize that we shared the same feelings we mutually understood that it could not be real, being we have yet to meet!  She was in a relationship she didnt like and I was in the same, regardless we decided to meet in Germany.  Not to cheat!!! but to just hang ou as friends, we both hold the same values, she even brought a friend.  Well, when all was said and done it turned out to be magical magical.  We did not cheat, unless the kissing and holding hands counts, but it was something I never experienced before, almost like it was not real, more like a dream.  After that we went back to are relationships which disolved as it was naturally going to anyway and we decided to give this relationship a go. 

at that time I was starting a new career in another state and she was off to get her masters degree in a different country under a scholarship.  Before she even left though it fell apart, I cant say exactly why even but it just ended with a big fight, we didnt talk for a couple months and we were back as friends as the norm, this actually had happened a couple times through are relationship, but eventually we always are drawn back together, time and again.  Now she is dating and happy in college, and we are starting yet again to be friends.

My trouble is that I still love her, no matter who she is dating, how upset with her I get, that love is still deep in my chest and refuses to go, sometimes I think I am mentally ill for caring for her so much, and the trouble is  I know she cares for me, if its love or just a fondness she still comes back to me just as readily as I to her.  Another thing is that I bought her a necklass, nothing fancy, not even close!!!  Yet on a certain profile site she is wearing it, with just her in the picture, its just a silver heart on a purple ribbon, but there it is!?!  I think it would be so much benifitial for us both for me to try some how not to feel for her anymore, the question is how?  Maybe if I moved on, she will to and we can end this charade?!? 

Anyway I'm done spouting my feeling out, maybe others are going through the same thing? Or maybe a solution?  Or maybe I just have to let time take over. Or maybe I just should watch those dang romantic comedies haha.

EricNewby EricNewby
26-30, M
1 Response Mar 15, 2010

dude i feel the same way about this one girl its rough...i thought time would help me get over it but its been 5 years since ive seen this girl and time makes me grow fonder of her and the memories shes placed on me. go after her, dont let her go tell her how u feel but be as truthful as possible about everything, gluck