Tired...pretty much sums it up.  I have been in an on-again/off-again "relationship" with a man for nearly 8 years.  In an effort to save everyone the long, drawn out details, I will attempt to keep this brief.  Basically, he is not (nor will he likely ever be) capable of love.  When we met he told me he was not looking for anything serious & I was ok with that.  However, we quickly became very close (I thought) & started living together within a few months.  In the back of my mind I would think about his relationship comment but never brought it back up for fear he would realise he was now in one :-)  He was affectionate & we did everything together.  As time passsed (about 2 years) he started becoming distant & then one night didn't come home.  He had met a girl in a bar who was in town for the weekend & cheated.  A few months later I kicked him out ~ I tried to forgive him but he made no apologize for his actions & did little to show he understood my pain.  That was nearly 6 years ago.  However, we still talk everyday, spend the night together, celebrate some holidays with my children, etc.  There have been a few other women since he moved out & it has destroyed me!  He knows I love him & want to be with him more then anyone in the world but he AGAIN is not ready to committ.  He wants me to give him space & let him live his life (which basically means sleep around with tons of women).  I'm so torn!  I want to continue to share my life with him but he will be the first one to admit he will probably never want a relationship or marriage.  He will be turning 40 soon & I'm not far behind him.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, or sharing the man I love, waiting for him in hopes he will settle down with me in the end.  I know I'm crazy but he is my best friend & I can't imagine life without him.  We spend every weekend together but during the week he pretty much lives his own life.  How do I let go of someone I know cares about me but will never love me the way I love him???  

lovingrudy lovingrudy
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 10, 2009

We all deserve someone to love us. Eight years is a long time to spend hoping and waiting for him to commit to you. I'm so sorry to say, but I really don't think it's going to happen. You may think he's your best friend, but it sounds like he doesn't mind that he hurts you so much. What kind of friend is that? You are afraid of being alone...but you need to decide if the risk of being alone is worse than the high probability of you being strung along indefinitely.