A Work In Progress (would love some advise)

I am the youngest of 3 children I am 15. This is the first time I have posted something like this, so here goes. All my life I have grown up in an old home. In my family my father is the main hoarder. I was only recently made aware of what this life eating monster that is my families condition really is. I always though of it as "how my family lives", I figured out that so many of the people around me have this. Off the top of my head I can think of three, including my dad. All this being said let me share what's going on. On February 6, 2010 is when things got flipped around. My mother and I had a wonderful day out of town and came to have dinner with my dad. As we sat there I decided that I wanted change so I said "Let's make a plan". What i now recognize as fear and anxiety set in on my father, but manifested itself as anger and frustration. My dad has bad anger issues he's thrown things and broken stuff. I was scared and crying in this restaurant. We then went home and that is when things got ugly. By the time the night was over my mother and myself were sleeping in her old room at my grandmothers house. We have been there ever since, and I was going to therapy before, but in the months leading up I had not been. I also have a seventeen year old brother who is living at home along with my oldest sister who is there helping out. I feel terrible because now all this weight is on my brother and sister. Before all happened I did want to go places sometimes, but after being out for a while I felt like an outsider. I would come home and crawl up and goto sleep. There was constant arguing and fighting and eventually my family members went off into something that took them away from the reality of our situation. My mother and I are seeing him next week for the first time since and I have not spoken to him. I have set a condition that I will not even visit the house until my father agrees to let go. He claims he can but there have been countless debates on whether to throw away things that are broken that he cannot fix or has no time to fix. When I'm home i feel like i'm drowning and cannot breathe. I love my father so so much and miss him terribly, but I cannot continue to feel swallowed in my own house. My concern now is that things will go back and I know it will be hard, but it would be better than things staying the same.

suffocatedathome suffocatedathome
13-15, F
1 Response Mar 10, 2010

There are so many stories about hoarders here I think it must be far more common than people realize <br />
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I hope things are better for you now