Ask A Swinger

Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I have been pretty bad lately about checking the “Ask a Swinger” mailbag, where we try to answer questions from our readers regarding the Lifestyle. 

So in an effort to make up for that faux-paux we are going to take this time to answer a few questions in the bag that have grabbed our eye.

So here are a few:

How to convert our vanilla friends?

Probably a dumb question. We are a couple just starting on the

lifestyle. We want to ask other vanilla couples if they wanted to try

probably soft swinging. How would you approach the situation without

having the other couple run for the door?



Well, first let us make this very cautionary statement!  Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I think in general practice it is a very very bad idea to pursue swinging with vanilla friends!  The reasons this could be bad are as follows.

  1. Since both couples are new to the Lifestyle, neither of you will be comfortable at navigating awkward situations should they arise and you may be slow to recognize problems before they get bigger!

  2. Friendship may get in the way of good judgement.  What if your buddy tries something with your wife she is not quite comfortable doing, if he is a good friend she may feel awkward about stopping him.  That does not mean she will be OK with it when it is done!

  3. What if it goes bad?  Will the friendship still make it?  Suppose she laughs at your penis when you drop your pants (obviously a humorous exaggeration), are you still going to be comfortable sitting with her at the PTA meeting next Tuesday?

Now to be fair, we have “swung” with vanilla friends.  As a matter of fact our first experiences were with good friends before we even knew what the Lifestyle was all about and it all turned out great for us.  So in an effort to be fair lets answer your question of how to approach the subject.

We say don’t “approach it” just “encourage it” first and see how it goes!  What do we mean by this?  Simply be more open about your sexuality, flirt, be a little risque, and judge their reactions.  If Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I were playing cards with you guys and your wife suddenly said, “I want to play ***** poker!”, or “My bra is killing me, would anyone mind, if I removed it?”, or asked Mrs. Gentlenibbles “Have you ever kissed another woman?” you can bet our conversation would get pretty damn sexy really damn quick! 

Also put yourself in more sexual situations?  I can tell you a little known fact!  Hot tubs are more responsible for new couples migrating to the Lifestyle each year than all the swinging websites, movies,  and books combined!  Go hot-tubbing or take a trip and split the hotel room!  Accidentally leave some sexy pictures, toys, or underwear out the next time they come over and after apologizing see where the conversation goes!

Lastly!  Just make Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I your vanilla friends and your problem is solved!

Is it a bad idea to swing with good "vanilla" friends?

  • It is a very bad idea.

  • It is OK.

  • It is not only OK, they make the best play partners!

  • I don't know, but please show me the answers.

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How to convince my wife to swing?

We are a older couple.I have ask my

wife to go to a swinger club she said yes. and may be have 3 some any

thing soat first she said yes and than maybe and then she dont no. so

what can I do to change her mind. help first timer.

(no signature) (sorry about grammer – that is how the letter came to us)

We have a very simple and extremely steadfast answer for this!!!  DO NOT CONVINCE YOUR WIFE TO DO ANYTHING!

 Communicate with your wife  your thoughts and desires, but let her choose to swing for herself!  Swinging is a “Couple Thing” and should only be done as an augmentation to an already great sex life with complete and enthusiastic support of both spouses!  If it is done for any other reason it will only hurt your marriage! 

I will say that nearly one hundred percent of all woman who swing have one common characteristic!  They all are comfortable with their sexuality, pursue their sexual desires, and **********!!!

So if she said no what can you do?  Love her, worship her, have great sex with her, support her,  and encourage her to **********!  So then at the end of the day, even if she still says no, you have a sexy woman you love who enjoys having sex!  Sounds like a relationship most men would die for!!!

HOLY CRAP he has a big penis!

Durring a full swap scenario…is

it normal for me “the husband” to feel completely comfortable with my

wife being with the other guy on one occasion but not so comfortable

with a different couple “guy” on the next occasion…it happened to me

and my wife… we are very new to this and quite the average

couple…the first couple was like us…and the couple in question

were like **** stars…with lots of enhancements…male and

female…and they were very experienced….just felt very insecure

with him and my wife…and it caused me to not be able to perform…is

this kinda normal??? please help…lol btw both couples were great


(no signature)

OK, so the “Big Penis” lead in to this story was a little bit exaggerated but you get the point.  Yes this is very very normal.  It tells us a couple of things!

First, you are very comfortable with your wife sexually and are not a jealous person!  This is a very good thing and is very hard for many couples to work past. 

Secondly, while you are not necessarily jealous you do have some insecurities about your relationship.  This is extremely common and can be addressed.  To help with this try this!

  1. First, realize in the Lifestyle your wife is going to be with lots of different types of guys.  Some will be cuter, some uglier.  Some will be skinnier, some fatter?  Some will have much bigger penises and some will have much smaller peni(?)  ;). 

  2. Discuss this concern with your wife and as a couple and make sure you both always use the Twenty Percent Rule!  This helps alleviate the performance issues as well as the jealousy

  3. Know that no matter who your wife is with?  You are the one she loves and has chosen to spend the rest of her life with.  No matter the size of any mans penis there is always a bigger ***** available at the local adult store!  So all signifcant relationships are based on much more than this!

  4. Focus on your relationship all day every day!  Once you are completely secure in who you are to each other everything else just becomes really really good sex!!!

Well we hope this helps all you sexy newbies out there!!!  We also want to apologize to all you sexy people who have written and we have not responded.  At this point it is simply a numbers thing.  We only have so much time and so we try to pick the questions that will help the most people!

Happy New Year!  Swing Long and Prosper!

Mr. Gentlenibbles

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46-50, M
Mar 4, 2010