The Wonderful Things He Has Done For Me And Mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE BEEN DOWN A LONG AND WINDING ROAD. NOW DONT GET ME WRONG HERE FOLKS I HAVE PUT MYSELF IN ALOT OF THE SITUATIONS BY MYSELF. BUT, ALOT OF THE SITUATIONS HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FOR ME. I HAVE BEEN DOWN THE ROAD OF MENTAL ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE AND A LITTLE,NOT MUCH, PHYSICAL ABUSE. I HAVE EXPERIENCED DRUG ABUSE AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING I AM VERY BLESSED TO BE SITTING RIGHT HERE TODAY TO TELL MY STORY.I HAVE SEEN ALOT IN MY DAY, FROM SPIRITUAL WARFARE TO GANG AFFILATIONS, TO HATE CRIMES. PEOPLE ARE SOMETHING ELSE, YOU KNOW BUT ALL YOU OR ICAN DO IS PRAY FOR OUR ENEMIES.LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN "WE MUST PRAY FOR OUR ENEMIES". DON'T EVER SECOND  GUESS YOURSELF. FOLLOW THAT LITTLE BIT OF NUDGING YOU HAVE DEEP DOWN INSIDE. MY MOMMA TAUGHT ME THIS. WHENEVER I DOUBTED SOMETHING OR SOMEONE, SHE WOULD JUST LOOK AT ME AND SAY DARLIN JUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART, THAT LITTLE VOICE INSIDE OF YOU,WELL NOT AN ACTUAL VOICE FOR ME, IT IS ALWAYS JUST A NUDGE INSIDE OF ME "KNOWING" WHAT WAS RIGHT AND WRONG. WHENEVER I FIRST STARTED TO EXPERIENCE THAT FEELING THAT THEY CALL ANXIETY,WHENEVER YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE RAISES AND YOU FEEL REALLY SHAKEY INSIDE AND WARM ALL OVER,I WAS SCARED I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. SO FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT I WAS JUST PARANOID,BIPOLAR OR I HAD A TWIN OR IWAS ADOPTED OR "SOMETHING" I JUST KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE WASN'T TELLING ME. NOW I KNOW WHAT "IT" WAS. IT IS THE LORD, PULLING ME ALONG SETTING ME UPRIGHT WHEN I FALL DOWN, TELLING ME  GET UP DAUGHTER IT IS GOING TO BE O.K. IT IS SO COMFORTING TO KNOW THAT WHERE EVER I GO, WHOEVER I AM WITH THAT HE,"MY DADDY" (GOD) IS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIS CHILDREN ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS ASK HIM TO LEAD US AND GUIDE US AND TO GIVE US THE STRENGTH WE NEED TO GO ON ANOTHER DAY FOR WHATEVER SITUATION WE ARE FACING AT THE TIME. I FEEL LIKE HE HAS GIVEN ME ANOTHER SHOT AT LIFE. AFTER MY KIDS WENT TO GO LIVE WITH THERE FATHER IN MISSOURI I HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT I WAS GOING LITERALLY DIE,WELL I DID . MY SPIRIT  DIED IT WAS LIKE THE LIFE HAD BEEN SUCKED OUT OF MY BODY, AND IT HAD. I GOT INTO DRUGS REALLY HARDCORE, I LOST EVERY BIT OF REASON TO GO ON, I WOULD ASK GOD WHY,WHY,WHY?? I NEVER STOPPED CRYING FOR AT LEAST 3 YEARS EVERYDAY. IWAS TO SCARED TO EVEN TRY TO CALL BECAUSE I COULDN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF BEING REJECTED, EVEN THE SOUND OF THEIR STEPMOM'S VOICEMAIL WOULD LET ME DOWN THAT MUCH FURTHER.  I'M NOT ANGRY ANY MORE I FINALLY HAD TO LET MY ANGER GO BECAUSE IT WAS "KILLING" ME INSIDE. NO ONE HAD AN ANSWER FOR ME, NOT MY MOM, DAD,BROTHER, CLOSE FRIENDS THAT IWAS SURE KNEW "SOMETHING". BUT I HAVE NOW FORGIVEN MYSELF FIRST OF ALL, SECOND OF ALL ,MY FAMILY, AND MOST OF ALL I HAVE FORGIVEN BOBBY AND CINDY, IT IS STILL HARD SOMETIMES  BUT I NOW I HAVE A WONDER FUL HUSBAND TO STAND NEXT TO ME AND HELP ME FIGHT THE DEMONS THAT SOMETIMES WANT TO REVISIT MY THOUGHTS. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT IS NOT EASY TO LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN THAT YOUR OWN KIDS CALL MOM AND NOT HATE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS DOING OR HAS DONE. BUT AS I GET OLDER IHAVE LEARNED FROM FEW VERY CLOSE PEOPLE I CALL FAMILY (TRAVIS,TIM,GRANDMA,) AND MANY OTHERS. BUT THESE THREE I ABSOLUTELY OWE MY LIFE TO.JUST BECAUSE THEY ARENT BLOOD DOESNT MEAN THEY ARENT FAMILY.YOU KNOW AND ACTUALLY I DO APPRECIATE CINDY FOR TAKING CARE OF MY BABIES,BECAUSE I'M NOT REAL SURE THAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IT.SO NO MATTER WHAT I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL FOR HER. IF YOU ARE READING THIS CINDY ,THANK YOU AND I AM SORRY YOU GOT DRUG INTO ALL THIS. GOD BLESS ,  TERESA

teresa2009 teresa2009
31-35, F
Feb 10, 2010