Just Such A Moment.... Orignally A Blog Entry Date 12-11-2009

Talked to my wife this morning and was a little hurt by what she said in that I have to hear from a friend of ours as to how she is doing....... You said not to call you... That you will call me.... The you will always call me and that if I txt you don't get upset if you don't respond right away.... So now that we are getting divorced you think that rule has changed? You don't want me calling you at all... You say that you care about me and want to know what is going on but only when it is convenient for you it seems, I still think that you call me at the end of the day just cause you feel the need to and not out of real desire to talk to me, that I am just nothing more than an after thought of the day, after you have talked to all of your other friends and dare I say your lover that you say you don't have, that now you want to talk to me. Last priority of the day.

I don't even know why you would bother with it, you ask what I am doing and it is like you even care. Just make sure that I am still breathing which I wish every morning that I could wake up and see my body and not have the desire to be in it. Then you can have it all, the world with out me in it, since I know full well that it is my existence that makes you cringe and loath. It would be much better if I was out of your life and you have said it in so may words that you don't want me, you can deal with the kids and the house and don't want me to be part of your life anymore.

You say the kids need me.... They don't need me they don't even know me anymore if they ever did... Why should I bother?

I really don't know why I think that you would even know if you were to even read this post, which I know you never will, that you would even care about it... You asked for my travel stuff one day and I asked why and you got upset, you said that you wanted to know what I was doing and where I was at, why do you even care. If I ask you what you are doing you don't respond like I am not even there.

I am tired of being a door mat and being ignored. I didn't do it for my past girlfriends and I have gone through it with you and am now realizing that you never wanted me at all... So again why do you even care what happens to me? If I was to die tonight which I hope that I do that you would be so happy about it and have joy back in your life....

I must lock and bury the part of me that still holds a deep love for you and has this delusion that we may still work it out...
mtvlm mtvlm
41-45, M
1 Response Jul 21, 2010

The fact that she was having an affair and loved him and basically booted me out, things were bad for a long time... <br />
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We kept the kids out of the cross fire and I mainly surrendered and just moved out, since the divorce I am so much happier now than I was before and have much less stress and a better father to my kids well...<br />
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I am moving on so much from all that...<br />
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Thanks Angelwings....