A Grizzly Death

I like being in the wilderness, though I never meant this to become it's own "group". I love to go to Canada, like near Banff and other Canadian national parks, and hike and camp and hear no people's voices. Once while in the Northwest  of Canada I read a book by a woman who was attacked by a Grizzly bear and terribly injured and facially disfigured. She suffered for more than 20 years with recurring infections in her facial bones and got very little help from the medical establishment. She was married at the time of the attack and her husband was attacked as well, though not as badly. He was a med student and is now a doctor and even he couldn't get anyone to help her with her pain and PTSD. They eventually had 4 children and she tried so very, very hard to make a life despite her agony.  She committed suicide a few years ago and it affected me deeply.

What does that have to do with my love of the wilderness? Well, for starters, the beauty of mountains and forests and rivers so clear you can almost can't see the water. The animals and I become more "one" as I am prey in the wilderness just as many animals are and there is a very natural feeling about that, your cells seem to swell with awareness, your eyesight is sharper, you are more alive alone in the wilderness than you ever feel in "civilization". Have I felt fear? Many times, but a kind of fear that is guttural, so instinctive, so hyper aware and it is separate from the fear you feel walking down a city street alone at night, which, actually I would never do.

I know what I am in the wilderness. I know where I am and why. I want to go to the Yukon, the Northwest territories, I want to see the grizzlies as they should be seen, I want to see the polar bears before they and I disappear. I want to see the places that have remained virtually unchanged for thousands of years. Banff and the surrounding areas are beautiful but they are only the amateur wilderness. I want to see and experience things few if any have seen or experienced. I want to be so alone that I might learn to like being around people again. I am an environmentalist, ARA, vegan living in Ohio. Now that can make you feel lonely. I have yet to meet another. I am not originally from Ohio, I moved here with my husband and we have since divorced. He is from Ohio and seems to like it as far as I know. I am from Washington State, we have lots of wilderness but still not enough for me.

I want to experience my true animal nature and if I should die because of it, know that I died serene.

daphneg daphneg
1 Response Mar 23, 2009

Great story! I have spent a great deal of my days in the wilderness and I understand what you are writing about.