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Standing Up To Bully's Can Bring A Smile To Those You Are Protecting

I was very athletic, so in school I was popular with the jocks. That is until the day when they formed a faternity in high school called key club and decided that it would be cool to pick on the less fortunate kids at school that dressed in worn out clothes because their parents couldn't afford designer labels. That didn't sit well with me, so I stepped up as i have always done and defended the underdog. I am freinds with people because of who they are not what clothes they are wearing. To be that superficial makes me sick, but you see it all around you. Society is like a queen bee sending out a chemical signal that overides the brain and a lot of people are just mindless drones who only care about exceptance and will sacrifice their morals and values just to fit in. If people weren't afraid to be alone it would allow them to be individuals and leaders for the inner light.

Anyway after I stood up to the whole group, they said a couple of ugly things about me and left, but their were many standing behind me that I stood up for and they all had smiles of graditude written all over their faces. It made me feel proud.

Dragon Heart
DragonHeart3 DragonHeart3 36-40, M 32 Responses Mar 30, 2012

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Bullying sucks but I can't find anyone now who will try . One guy recenty at work was calling me all this crap . "Ya little Wierdo . Look at ya" . And such stuff. and I'm like . "and your basing that on....? <br />
Words can be deflected with intelligence . Violence however , especially brute force from bullies is hard to beat . one thing I've figured out and it's come in handy . Is fire and boiling water are REALLy HARD to defend against . That bully is now wearing that scar from when that boiling coffee ended up in his face. I was scared . I tripped . Oops .

I grew up and watched those bullies get NOWHeRE !! I love itwhen I see one with a drug baby or walking cause they have no car at 30 . Haha it's a common thing . Bullies go down hill almost all the time once they grow up, well mine did . Bushagahahah and I found I'm above all them now with the intimidation thing . Try it now . I dare yas

Thanks for the story, Dragon. You're so right about the fear of being ostracized. So much easier to just be SILENTLY disapproving of bullying. Takes courage and character to stand up for someone. You will probably never know how much your single action meant.

I really feel we are connected and think alike brother. If you shed your fear and allow the strength from the inside to flow out it has a way of protecting us. <br />
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That being said I am a martial artist trained in brazillian jujitsu, one of the best self defense hand to hand combat arts on the planet. It is called the gentle art and I can now explain why. <br />
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When you strike someone that is energy transferrance that can never be taken back. When you put someone in a joint lock, you control the amount of pressure to enduce just enough pain to show that you will not be prey for others to feed on. When you have made your point you can simple reverse the energy by releasing the tension you created on the joint and then walk away without ever having to have done any real damage physically and only protected yourself mentally and psychologically. Because I am trained my confidence level is at a point where i no longer feel the need to prove myself when being tested and pushed into a confrontation. I can simply laugh and walk away. I believe that every culture has good and bad points. The truth and true power of God will be revealed when we learned to work as a team and observe, understand and separate the good parts from the bad of each of the four clans and combine them to do what we were always meant to do. We cry in fear for God to protect us, when it was we who were supposed to be the servants, the protectors. The Guardians of the energy den or Eden, simple an egg containing the new vessel of the one. We have lost sight of what our purpose truly is, because we fear death and cling to self preservation of our physical shells like it is really the end if we don't. One simple thing we have forgotten that when remembered will allow all to shed their fear of death and rise up to serve and protect what really matters. The child of the one, for the child is simply the next vessel for the one a new car if you will. We are the same. Always remember this one beautiful truth and you will never have to be afraid again. Energy never dies, it merely transforms. We are letting our fear hold us back and keep us from evolving into our true forms. all life of the universe follows a pattern... if you want to understand better, look at the dinosaurs. The ones who feared change and anything different ended up deevolving and lossing limbs to crawl around on their bellys. The ones who stuck together as a pack or tribe or flock had no fear and now soar through the air like gods themselves. Shed your fear and we can stand together and give our souls to protect the one who has protected us out of selflessness and give back what was never ours to keep. Energy is only borrowed never owned and needs to return to the source. We are like probes. We have learned about the temptations of the physical which is important because by making mistakes and feeling the pain we will be able to truly be greatful for the joy and peace. Without knowledge of evil, we would taken for granted the power of Good. It is evil, but a neccesary evil to teach us the lessons we will need to be the Guardians or parents we were always meant to be and give our lives to protect instead of running in fear, abandoning and leaving helpless the child. If people only would look into their childs eyes and realize that they are staring at the vessel of thier future selves plus the potential greatness that could be achieved if they are willing to give all of themselves to nurture and protect with love, honor and courage we could move forward as a race of angels instead of leaving our children to fend for themselves destroying any chance of moving on. Everything ages and dies. The day will come when the earth is depleted of energy and it will be time to come together as one in energy of the soul. Our future is like an arrow, we must load it into the bow and direct it. Give all of ourselves to create the strength needed to pull back and then let go so that it can be free and fly and leave the past behind and hunt what lies ahead. Life = Energy+Time. Time is merely a measurement of the movement and change that is created from energy moving from one place to another and the changes that occur along the way. Energy was never meant to stand still. It is not fire we should fear, but abscents of it. You talked about prision, I have been inside as well, but their is something worse. Prison inside the prison, adseg or the hole. This is the physical equivalent of the true hell we should avoid. It is the loanliness and insanity that is cause by sensory depravation from being celled up in a very small area causing you to basically feed on your own energy over and over and over again. The east is the wind element representing change through the displacement of energy. In other words, the lightening that occurs from hot and cold pockets of air that create the winds needed for change and rebirth. I live in kentucky and our state motto is united we stand, devided we fall. I now know our whole lives we are being guided to something wonderful. All we have to do is listen and follow directions instead of driving around in circles acting like we know where we are going. I life it doesn't matter where we are headed just that we have the ability to make the choice to move from one place to another and when we let go of the steering wheel and allow ourselves to listen and do whatever job is need for the good of the whole, that is when we will truly be free. <br />
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Just remember if we were the same on the inside as the out, life would never exist. What i am saying is the cells that make up the human body are selfless in the fact that they never question why, but merely do what they are meant to do. We are all here to do, what we were meant to do. Line from the matrix, the key maker actually. The Key maker was the true reason that life is possible. By giving of himself and creating keys or souls, pockets of energy made simple to be conduits that open closed doors of cell walls and create bridges and path ways that allow us to give and take different but constant amounts of energy to do jobs to create new energy for the greater good of the whole team. Without roads and bridges and pathways we would be stuck in one place never able to experience anything new. <br />
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Last thing i will say is shed your fear, but maintain your respect for things that could harm you and you will have what is needed to move forward and have the guidance needed to take you in the direction that is for the betterment of the whole. The true nature of life and the Great one, the source of all life. The first true sacrifice of putting all others first and giving away all of its life without any fear of the unknown and in turn was rewarded ten fold with what came back. Karma is real and true love is real. love is the key to connection and guidance through balance and flexibility. When you will bend over backwards for people, but have learned how to avoid being taken advantage of, that is when you will know the true beauty and strength of God.<br />
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I wish blessings on all of you and look forward to meeting all of you either in this life or the next because I have faith in all of you and in myself through love, even if you don't have it in yourselves. I know in my heart that we will all be together again when the time is right and I am no longer afraid of the unknown or the future because I am living in the now and have learned to let go of the illusion of control and listen, allowing myself to be guided by instinct and faith in my understand of right from wrong and true unconditional love for my fellow man and all life even the painful, negative parts and people because I know that everything serves a purpose in the life. They all help us to learn and learning is the true reason for living. Life is made to have new experiences and to share of ourselves and our experiences with the great one when it is decided. God bless and I look forward to reading responses and to continue learning with you and through you, as well as through myself. By giving of myself and sharing my feelings I sometimes learn something new just by going back over what I have shared. Remember the wise know what they know not. That is why the answer to the meaning of life is the question itself, i always like to end with something of a riddle. It will give you something to think about and try to interpret what I truly meant by what I said. That is the beauty of perfection in imperfection. We are all different and the same at the same time. :) sorry, i just love being alittle bit mystical acting it makes life, so much more interesting when you believe anything is possible. Think about it how do we really know which world is real? In truth it doesn't matter when you learn to live in and appriciate both sides of the spectrum, physical and metaphysical or spirit realm then you can learn to live in and be guided by both.

I want to thank everyone for your support and for the feedback on both sides. To know thy enemy is to know thyself. You have to experience the darkness to appriciate the light. I now understand that even though my motives were pure and I fought for what i believed was right. Understanding the truth means never having to fight at all. I am glad that I stood up for what I believe, but I should have said that I felt sorry for them for having to put others down to feel good about themselves and then offered to listen to why they felt the need to do this and explained that they did not have to do that because God made us different for a reason to learn and respect each other through love, understanding and exceptance of our differences. Respect stemming from fear and intimidation is not respect. It is control through physical dominance which is the weapon of choice by the devil. Control of others and life is an illusion, the only control we have is over ourselves and our actions and reactions towards our fellow man. When we learn to put out the fire of hate stemming from the illusion of respect through physical dominance and temper it with love and understanding( the water element or God) we will have won the war without ever having to make ill the key(lifeforce) = kill the soul or break the spirit of another. This is what I now understand and the truth will set us free. <br />
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If I confused you on the last part, I got the concept by learning about and understanding my chi or key(lifeforce) represented in the alphabet by the letter K. When something is ill or sick that represents negative energy. Combine Key or K with ill and you get kill. We do not need to kill to win, only to understand why our enemy wants to attack and kill our spirit and counter it with love and understanding and exceptance of the different view by putting ourselves in our enemies place and using this knowledge to see our own flaws in ourselves through the eyes of our enemy and adapt to cancel out the misunderstanding that causes the fear leading to hate that causes the other to want to strike out at us. We are all equal in spirit, or energy but physically display it in different amounts in different states. It is confusing, but just remember that life is perfection in imperfection. energy can only move if it is unbalanced and movement is what creates life, but where hate can cause a mountain to be moved in between two people. The love of God can remove the mountain entirely and unite us as a race, the human race. Love of all life, no matter how different is how we will shed the fear of the devil, misunderstanding and give way to heaven on earth. I wish the blessing of that day on all of us.<br />
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Thank you again for the interaction and the connection it that has brought us together. Remember wisdom comes from experience and exceptance of our imperfections and mistakes, allowing us to learn and grow from them this is the key to understanding the life God wants so desparately for us to have. True love is possible just don't give up. :) I am willing to learn through others and that is how I know I am alive with God inside, it is a beautiful thing.

Good for you! I think you are a brave and good person and I am very proud of you!!:))

You sound like a strong minded, independent, young man. The world needs more of you. ALWAYS listen to YOUR inner voice young man and you will make the world proud.

It amazes me that people will actually make comments like some of the ones made here. <br />
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1) Meanness IS NOT a hallmark trait of every kid. I was not mean to any other students in school. It never even crossed my mind to be mean to other students. My parents raised me differently, I guess. <br />
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2) I understand the concepts of "dealing with the cards life has dealt you," "making lemons out of lemonade," "every cloud has a silver lining," etc. There is some merit to these adages. However, the person who says they are THANKFUL for the bullying they received...that seems to be going a bit too far. It sounds like borderline Stockholm Syndrome.<br />
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3) This idea of standing up to bullying may make you the bully is pure BS. You can not be a bully if your motives and intentions are pure and clear--to stop someone else from being tormented, and I don't believe that anyone who would stand up to bullies in the way the author here did would have anything but the proper intentions.<br />
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Even with all of the positive feedback the author got on what he wrote, those three comments really underscore how far away we are from dealing with the issue of bullying. When people rationalize bullying as "meanness in every kid," when people thank their tormenters for "making them strong," and when people caution those who stand against bullying from "become bullies themselves," it demonstrates that there are still a lot of people in this country who don't "get it."

I once yelled at a playground bully not thinking. He came up to me and started shoving me backwards. He was yelling "what ya gonna do punk?! So I pushed himback hard, and then pushed him backward again three times as I said "What's your problem, I'm not stupid enough to get in a fight with you, you think I'm an idiot?! You'd kick my ***!" He looked confused, looking around to make sure no one had seen me push him, they had. So to save the situation he said "Yeah and don't let it happen again!" and walked away. I was grinning ear to ear for the rest of the day.

As Bruce Willis said in Die Hard 4, "I guess this makes you 'that guy'". Bravo!!!

This video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEqniEvNcnk shows a great example of something I would be proud of my kid for doing, but this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ6qh0z48Uk is more in line of what bullies deserve to get.

A guy I knew started insulting me. Now we are grown men. He has a wife and two children. I let him carry on for a good while. Then one day I decided to point out to him that when one person insults another what they are typically doing is demonstrating what they feel worked best against them. He asked me to repeat what I had said. [cough]. Anyhow, no advice I could give him could fit properly in his head. Eventually, his neighbors took care of him. His son grew up to be as bad as his dad. So sad. I never stooped to play the game. I just watched the tragedy of his life unfold as a lesson for myself and others.

I experienced severe bullying as well; I'd call it mental and emotional abuse, at home as well as in the school yard. Problem was, this came on especially hard following my elder brother's death. A time in which I was very emotionally vulnerable. Since then, whenever anyone has provoked me to anger I feel a double emotion; the anger immediately followed by emotional pain, owing to loss and grief. The two are inextricably bound together. It is very freeing when I only feel pure anger. It actually feels liberating and empowering, which is what positive anger is meant for and in that respect it is healthy to experience; it protects and defends our personal boundaries. That said, I have seen school personnnel, who are paid to attend to children on the playground, stand around and let students abuse others. There is a school yard behind my building. I have had to tell one girl to leave another alone, as the smaller child was encircled by the bully and her pact and was being pummeled in the head. As soon as I yelled at her to stop what she was doing, one of the female school personnel walked over and pretended to explain that she could see that it was all a "game" but that it might look like she was fighting. The school teacher was white, the bully and her friends were hispanic and the girl on the ground was much smaller than the rest and black. Go figure. The boys I knew who bullied me all grew up to be rather psychologically weak. I ran into one in a club who was lamenting his divorce and separation from his children. He was amazed to see that I could speak with him comfortably as previously I had often if not always displayed a false self to hide my severe emotional pain. Another one of the boys took to church on account of his wife, what a crock. He took the church's teachings much more to heart than she ever did. His contrition and guilt became quite obvious. To tell you the truth, with regards to most of the people who have done me harm, I've lived long enough to see them all suffer from their own mistakes. I try not to harm anyone, myself. There is too much evil in the world as it is. One other thing I'd like to point out: I have been embarrassed at times for people who voice dislike for others, for particular races for example. One woman I didn't know complained alot about Asians. This was after a small group of attractive Asian women entered a club and sat down not far from us. The majority of the people in the club were white. The woman who was speaking was Jewish and unlike many Jewish women, this one was not at all attractive. It was obvious why she didn't like Asians at the moment. I said nothing to her but gave her occasional pained glances. Damned if people didn't turn around and attribute her attitude and comments to me solely because I didn't tell her to shut up. When I then told her off, damned if they didn't come down on me again for being cruel. I guess the best thing one can do in such situations is to simply walk away and quickly.

I am the same way. I will gladly defend someone wearing old clothing that is being attacked like that for some stupid reason. There was a little girl in front of me at a store one time and she had holes in your shoes and a faded little dress on. I don't remember what she was buying but she didn't have enough money to cover it and the guy tells her to put it back. I stepped up and ask him how much she was short on having enough money and I covered it for her. It broke my heart when he told her to put it back and there was no way in hell that little girl with the faded dress and holes in her shoes was going to put anything back while I was in that store with her.

I was the subject of bullying in elementary school.<br />
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My father didn't (still doesn't) have much in the way of skills when it came to dealing constructively with confrontation. <br />
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He taught my brother and I that "if someone lays a hand on you, hit them with all you've got and don't stop until they do. if you get beat up, keep going back until they either get sick of fighting you or you manage to kick their *****".<br />
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He didn't want to hear about it if I came home with a black eye, unless I could brag "you should see the other guy". Either way it would probably end with a quick boxing lesson or being taught a new dirty trick while listening to him boast about some fight in his youth.<br />
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Although I was smaller than most of the bullies, by the time I hit high school nobody messed with me because I'd smacked them all or won their "respect".<br />
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Of course, in my father's case bad advice about violence was just the tip of the iceberg, but it was indicative of a mindset. I've spent the past 25 years unlearning a LOT of bad advice and slowly shedding a lifetime of shame and rage. It wasn't all bad of course, but enough that I've gone through some hard times sifting through it all for the good stuff.<br />
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Some would say my father's advice worked out fine. In fact my wife says "he couldn't have been too bad, you turned out alright", but I disagree.<br />
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In high school I continued my policy of not taking anyone's crap, but discovered that people used it to manipulate me into getting myself in trouble. I also hurt a few people who in retrospect didn't deserve it.<br />
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Eventually I smartened up and backed down from a few pointless confrontations, but a reputation for violence followed me. Kids looking to "make a name" for themselves attacked me for no better reason than they'd heard I was "tough".<br />
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Even today, since I've moved back to my hometown, I sometimes run into childhood friends or people I went to school with, and what they remember is that I was crazy and dangerous, instead of the pleasant stuff. Some of them still treat me with kid gloves whenever they encounter me, like they're afraid of me.<br />
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I hate it, because who I am today is far from that angry kid.<br />
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One incident in particular still stands out in my mind - when I mushed a guy's nose and turned his face into a ragged bloody pulp for the offense of shoving me in the hallway. There was a girl standing off to one side who gave me a look of total disdain, like she wouldn't stoop to scrape me off her shoe. I've never forgotten that look, because some part of me even at the time felt the same way about my own actions.<br />
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While I toned it down somewhat, I didn't stop getting into scrapes until way later than I care to admit. It's probably just luck that I didn't end up dead or in an institution, but I'd like to think that a high IQ had something to do with it. Even if it also made me a better fighter, it gradually helped me to see creative ways to defuse conflict.<br />
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I now firmly believe that the need for violence is usually an indication of inadequate social skills or emotional problems. It's not a mark of valor or proof of superiority, it certainly doesn't make you right. It's nothing to boast about but an embarrassment. Something to be dealt with quickly and efficiently when absolutely necessary, with the least amount of force that will suffice if it's a weaker opponent, or overkill if not.<br />
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A few weeks ago my younger brother accused me of enjoying fighting, and I had to admit he's right, for reasons I'd rather not examine too closely, but I don't do it anymore even so.<br />
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I do believe there is great beauty and art in martial skill, but the fact that we have a need to use it in anything other than sport is sad.<br />
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So... Let's see if I can scrape together a point from this self-indulgent rant.<br />
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Kudos for stepping up in defense of others - sometimes violence IS necessary and kids don't usually have the skills to find another way - but I hope that as you grew older you found more effective and constructive ways to deal with confrontation.<br />
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I agree that some parents can be hysterical about it, and society's response to bullying will probably never be perfect, but I applaud the fact that schools are now teaching kids the skills to defuse situations and cope without violence.<br />
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Believe it or not, picking up management skills for business reasons is what enabled me finally to turn myself around. I can now usually keep my emotional responses in check by keeping a larger purpose in mind ...<br />
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I feel I should mention that I love my father and know that no matter how misguided, he was acting out of love and doing his best for us given his own limitations. I just hope to do better for my own children.<br />
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I'll make sure they know how to fight, but also try to do a bit better on the when and why of it.<br />
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I think defense of oneself or the weak, providing for one's family, or sport are the only valid reasons for violence against any creature (and in the case of sport there are obvious limits).

Bullying changes a person. I was always shy and when I moved to a new high school I was tormented. I couldn't beat them so I tried to quit school but my dad wouldn't let me and drove me to school for a time. We lived in the country and I had to ride the bus and fight most every day. I lost my two front teeth. I had few friends. Slowly I devised a plan to kill my tormentors. Yes to KILL them. I had a rifle and shells and I went hunting almost every evening. My plan was to have a hunting accident and kill one of them. It would be just an accident. Thank God I never met any one while hunting. I'd be in jail somewhere probably. But bullying changes a person and I almost became a murderer. I'm now 63 and am a good person but looking back that could have the pivot point for me. <br />
Do all you can to stop bullying in all forms. Do all you can to promote mutual respect. Learn about others and be compassionate. Thanks for reading this.

Understandable.

The state government and schools themselves do not help those situation these days. My daughter was almost expelled from school for standing up to another girl that was a severe bully and looked for every reason to pick a fight. My daughter had watched her pick on others for no reason for almost a whole school year. The "bully" finally got around to choosing my daughter as her target of the day. My daughter did everything she could to actually avoid physical altercation, she has been raised that way, but when push came to shove she stood up to the "bully" and low and be hold this "bad ***" girl ran to the school authority telling them that my daughter had been the one bullying her. I had to go into the school and threaten them with a lawsuit to get them to drop the intent to expel. The "bully" had already been in juvenile detention multiple times for fighting yet she whines one little time when someone finally stands up to her and the other person, my daughter in this case is the one that gets in trouble because of the stupid "anti bullying" legislation.

that you had to threaten a law suit to set the school straight indicates that that they aren't doing THEIR job by providing a safe haven for students to report bullying. Certainly they must have known about this person if they were awake. Good for your daughter for standing up

That is what commonly occurs in my experience. It even occurs today in the work place. Turn around and go after the bully and they run as quickly as they can to an administrator or other authority figure. They don't want to be perceived as the weak one or the scapegoat, which is how they are trying to portray and treat you; so once you go after them, they will try to get the attention of someone who they view as more powerful to take their side, portraying themselves as the victim who needs defending.

I was like you at school Dragon Heart. I wasn´t popular but I had a personality that could make run away to all those stupid bullies. So I decided to use this in a possitive way, helping helpless kids. I think parents should teach their children to be protectors and fight against injustice. That was something that I learned from my family :).

That is what super heros are made of. Good to know a kindred spirit. The difference between a villian and a hero is the hero is acting for the right reasons and only uses enough force neccesary to defend and not provoke.

You never mentioned what happened

My problem was that it was my elder sister who stepped in to protect me, in fact it happened often.<br />
The result was that the bullies waited until she wasn't there, and I got a double dose.<br />
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It's what they call at Eton and such " Character-building."<br />
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Is there a solution ? I very much doubt it.

I wish someone like you was around when I went to school. You quickly feel like an outcast and dread going to school when people are ridiculing and harassing you. It can affect the rest of your life and make high school something you would rather forget when most people see their high school days as the greatest time of their life.

With all things like this in life, you have to make sure you don't become a bully yourself. Because you stand up to others who you may believe to be bullies, doesn't mean you're not a bully too.

very brave of you..since many people are afraid to get left by friends after standing up for other people but if you see back they are not a true friends at all...friends support our opinion and seems your "friends" have no brain to think what's good and what's bad.

I was bullied, fought back and even had a few laughs. And, Leilla, I was in school in the 60's, 70's and early 80's. Bullies were all over and one of the jerks that got in fights with me either left or was expelled in 8th grade. Guess where he ended up? JAIL! Every couple of weeks he was in the news for another crime. Granted, bullies can change, but for some it is inbred.

Yeah I fought back as well, I'm not so sure ANY of those fights were really worth the trouble I got in or the physical pain of fighting guys twice my size. I went to school in the 90's and early 00's, when it was not uncommon for bullying to lead to a school shooting, which helped paved the way to the ridiculous legislation and policies in schools that we have today, but that's a whole different subject. I'm not going to look up every single bully that I dealt with in school (as I said in an above reply, I was short, scrawny and Asian in Texas, so there were quite a few kids that picked on me, teased and bullied outright), but I'm assuming one or two went to jail. I'm also assuming many other kids from other cliques went to jail as well. A few of those jailbirds were friends I'd known for quite some time. Jail calls to all in all walks of life, some just choose to answer. If we don't believe that bullies can change and we give up on them, then that is indeed what causes them to snowball into jail bound losers. Teachers, coaches, administrators and colleagues need to take an active role in reforming some bad seeds before they lose their lives to correctional facilities, because in all honesty, every human being is useful and everyone has something they can contribute to even a few lives.

He was always given "warnings" in school and never seriously dealt with. When we fought, it was pretty much even. He started it, I finished it. Or, if I started it I finished it! He very rarely won a fight once I bulked up. Of course, back then we didn't have guns in school, etc. We fought with our hands. But, once he left I didn't get in many fights. I KO'd the captain of the football team, as well. But, that was then, this is now.

Lol, sounds like a different time with it's interesting and unique experiences to be had. I tried not to start fights until I was much older. There was a guy I despised during a deployment to Okinawa (which is a beautiful place, it's just that we were on deployment through Christmas, so we were all away from our families and miserable). Long story short, this guy was built like a coke machine and pureblood Irish with hands like bricks and we got drunk in proximity to one another and decided to have it out in the gym's boxing ring. I got beat up. Not like, "I lost that fight", no I got beat the hell up and that's when I decided that I was gonna be a grown up and try to resolve differences in more constructive ways, especially with coworkers that I may very well be dependent on for life and limb one day.

I admire you your stand, but there are some of us who will always be victims, and cannot change. My mother was very domineering with me. I was bullied at every school I went to mainly by the girls. The last school I went to the head girl, decided I would be her personal victim. She humiliated me virtually every day, many many times I would end up sobbing my eyes out, in front of everyone, naturally this made the other girls pick on me. When I left school and started work, wherever I worked there was always a female colleague, who would pick on me.<br />
When I started dating I subconsciously sought out domineering women, the more they dominated me, the more I needed them. Eventually I got married to a very domineering wife. I do not think I would be able to cope without being bullied and dominated.

It is kinda sad for me to hear that you are complacent with being bullied and dominated although it is understandable. I guess we all get tired of fighting these types. I cannot imagine that you are truly happy. I'm thinking your acceptence of bullying has just made your life seemingly more tolerable. Sounds like you endured a great amount of abuse to come to this conclusion,you know, that you would not be able to cope witout being bullied or dominated?!! Please try some counseling. Life is too short not to be the captain of your own ship!!! I too, have been severely bullied-just don't give up...keep looking for answers!......

Thank you for your comments, I do not need counselling, they would only confirm what I already know. I am complacent and acceptant of being dominated by women. Yes I have endured a great deal of abuse, but I have never objected to it or said "STOP". I do not have the confidence to stand up against a women. I can argue my corner on most subjects with a man but with a women I keep quite.

Not to devalue what you did or anything, but there's one factor I think you should also look at. These kids were still in high school! I mean I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that what they did was okay in the slightest, but I mean, come on. Kids are mean, they always have been and they always will be. However I've found that most of the "bullies, jocks and jerks" that I went to school with ended up being pretty normal people years down the road. In fact, with the modern advent of social networks, it's all too easy to look up people I truly disdained and realize that as they've grown and matured that we all face the same general challenges and we all grow out of our own horrible tendencies. I personally believe that everyone has the right to be treated just as the man or woman next to him, regardless of income, race, religion or any other strangeness/uniqueness. That being said, weren't we all just a little dumb in high school? Haven't we all done some things we aren't proud of in our younger days? I'm just saying, don't just assume that these bratty kids grew up to be equally bratty adults, it was probably just a phase.

There's a BIG difference being a bit of a bratty little kid to verbal abuse and intimidation. I was a 7 yo English kids who moved to Australia and because I was foreign was targeted by three individuals in particular. I didn't know how to stand up for myself at first and lived in fear of going to school every day for years. Finally I was forced to fight and I ended beating the other guy up. This led me to believe the only way to be safe was to stand up for myself was to be argumentative and if required violent so people would respect me. Not a good mix. This exposure to fear, ridicule and schoolyard abuse at an early age shaped my worldview for decades. I am now 57 yo and even though I have spent much of my life on a spiritual journey I am amazed at how those early experiences deeply affected my psyche and how much work it has been to change. Bullying and intimidation is never acceptable but even more damaging during those young formative years. What may have been a "phase" for a bully turned out to be a lifetime struggle for me.

Myself and my best friend of now 15 years (I know that's not alot for some of you guys but it's now more than half my life) were the subject of bullying all of our school careers. he was a fat kid and I was short, weak and asian in Texas, a state notorious for its intolerance of differences. To this day I value the bullying that brought us together and helped to push us together. Not alot of people I know can say that their best friend at 12 years old is still the important friend in their lives. I value those rich kids that teased us relentlessly in football until we believed ourselves too inept to continue in the sport. Later on in my life I decided to join the Marines and I can tell you right now that the years of shrugging off those snide remarks and often line crossing physical threats and abuse helped me to get through both recruit and infantry training without a single **** given in the slightest to those telling me (constructively in this case) that I didn't have what it takes. I value the bullying that drove me to show everyone just how truly wrong they all were. I was home a few years later on leave when I ran into one of the worst of my bullies at a New Years party. I had such an image built up in my head that he was just gonna be a horrible person, that his life was something akin to a mix between Tucker Max and the entire O'doyle family. To my shock, he then proceeded to apologize for acting like a jerk to me for 8 years straight with his only reason being that my single mom made less money than his doctor dad and lawyer mom. We went on to discuss a great deal that night and found we had much in common. This last Halloween I ran into yet another one of the bullies from elementary school who "snowballed" into what I believed to be a rotten douche up until high school. To my surprise, he was a father, and on leave from the Army as an Infantryman. We came from such different backgrounds, and yet besides the color of our uniforms, he had grown into a person I could easily respect and one whom I have numerous similar experiences. I'm just saying that I hated school with a passion because of these guys, and not to mention the girls who can be equally as cruel if you don't own a car in high school and you're not bristling with muscles and cash. But it was from these experiences that I shaped the foundations of a happy life and a deep and rewarding friendship that has lasted through the hardest of times.

First of all, it sounds like you have a guilty conscience, and you are trying to excuse yourself for things you know you shouldn't have done when you were in school. Your general premise is that 'we all' act in uncaring ways when we are young, but the fact is that a lot of kids just do the best they can in school and pick on no one. Secondly, how do you suppose the 'bullies, jocks and jerks' learn to 'grow up and mature'? Yes, some of it is just naturally putting away childish things and moving on to adulthood, but some of it is also slowly realizing that their power to bully is evaporating because the shallow world of high school is finished. Many of these people spend most of their time in school avoiding academic work because they are intimidated by things that require using their brains, not their bodies. When high school ends physical prowess starts to mean less and less, unless they are good enough to become professional athletes--very rare. So, the once cook kids, now become the guys/girls with the greasy, uncomfortable, and / or dangerous jobs. If there is anything that teaches humility this would be it. Now, it's true that some of the cool dudes just get their act together, stop bullying others, and start getting real about their futures, but in my experience that only happens to a minority (&amp; good for them!). I think the best therapy in the world for these kinds of abusive young people is to be taught a series of painful lessons in school, sort of like the one recounted in this post. Whether it's having an advocate as in the above story, and/or martial arts / self-defense training for serious and / or vulnerable students, it’s fine. BTW, I do NOT include in this strategy the p*ssified approach that a lot of schools use regarding bullying (films, seminars, psychologists)—what I mean is to give students the tools and confidence to stand up for themselves. I helped a really tough looking guy name Paul in Middle School with his math, and from that point on he never let anything bad happen to me. That also gave me the courage to stand up to jerks when they chose to pick on me. My point is, the more bullies—male or female—get put down (not permanently hurt, but more stopped and humiliated) the more they will grow up, and just maybe begin to put some of their energies toward actively preparing for the kind of work and life they want. It’s like being paddled in school (I was); for some kids corporal punishment (not abuse) is enough to keep them out of prison and get them headed in the right direction. Schools will always have bullies and jerks, but it does them NO FAVOR to let this sort of behavior pass—in fact, it is depraved indifference toward their health and welfare.

I hear you brother.

Liella, with all due respect, the issue isn't did the bullies grow up to be happy people. The issue is how did their victims fare. Perhaps you were a bully yourself. If so I'm glad you got over continuing the behavior. Have you ever thought that life might not have been so skippy for the victims of bullying? I hope you will teach your children better values than being mean to someone is no big deal.

What about the factor of the bullied kids committing suicide . Or coming to school with an axe( like I did) to end the bullying , lucky I didn't use it. But I was gonna . Some of these bullys are at risk of being killed , trust me .

Now I think if something is hard to live with and u can't control it, why not kill it, thanks bullies .!!!!

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I wish I was as strong as you guys.

Yes it's true we are the minority. Let's just hope we can continue to mentor the new kids so maybe one day a new generation will see what's inside the person, not just what's on the outside.<br />
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The fact that you stood up to the bullies makes me proud of you, especially way back then when bullying wasn't addressed at all. : )<br />
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Hope you are doing well.<br />
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Michelle

The world needs people like you - each and every individual in the world. Keep it up and try and make the others understand why you won't join their bullying and discrimination. Good on ya!

I wish there were more people like you. Don't change!