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Brainwashing

Hi everyone,

I am the creator of this particular topic and wanted to share some of my life and what I have been experiencing lately...It has taken a lot out of me to write this so I am warning the two that do not belong here...DO NOT COMMENT MY STORIES!

So yesterday I was coming home from work my usual route and had this urge...I wanted to drive my car off the road and into the water! Not to commit suicide or even hurt myself just to feel something! My emotions have been in shambles lately and I have pin pointed it to one thing in particular that is causing it...I am not satisfied with the outcome concerning my mother in law. I know this is the brainwashing site but you see it all ties in!!!! Last night after I fought that urge then took off and sat by the waters edge crying I realized how much I need to talk to my husband. I was debating on running away but it would kill me not to be with him. Then I thought maybe we could sell the house and move to the mountains. We wouldn't have computers or phones, maybe we could live off a garden and hunt. Crazy thoughts were passing through my head then I came to the "light" at the end of the tunnel...It was not what I expected! To my left I saw a easy path, but I had to take it alone...which meant leaving my husband despite my love for him or the life we have worked so hard to achieve. And to the right, there was a harder path we could take together. I chose the right path. I know there is no resolution to the problem I call Mother In Law! I can not ask him to walk away from her and her destruction for good, in the end I know he will resent me for even suggesting it. So I guess I will continue to suffer knowing that she ultimately got away with my betrayal. It will bother me forever and I know this is not the end. I think that's what gets to me most, the fact that this will start up again...she will have one more nasty jab, and I will be left to pick up the pieces for MY FAMILY...I will be told I brainwashed him and that he could do better...all this when I work hard for my life, I work hard to keep him happy. In the end I guess it is never enough.

 

 

 

*****UPDATE*************

This was originally written back in May. It is now almost July and we have not heard from his mother since the week this was posted. I guess in the end I did not have to give him that ultimatum...She did it herself. She has not called us and we have not called her. We are doing okay though, better then I thought we would. It hurt him so much in the very beginning and I'm sure it still does but he is doing okay with it. I never thought she would just write him off like that, I still wonder when she will strike again?!?

PrettyFlowerbythesea PrettyFlowerbythesea 31-35, F 9 Responses May 7, 2008

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It was not a decision I took lightly, thank you for your comment and support in my decision. I've taken a lot of flack because of this choice by my husbands family and some of the women on this site. I still feel that it was a choice I had to make or leave. I couldn't let myself be abused and betrayed. Thankfully my husband is still supporting me. He now talks to his mother but understands why I will not.

I was so touched reading yours and jab's descriptions of how hard you have tried to keep family together, and how loyal you are to your husbands and vice versa.<br />
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I don't have any words of wisdom - my husband now has precious little family, and my ex's family always liked me better than him, lol. (Not without reason).

Jab,<br />
I understand your delema. It is not an easy decision. To be honest in the grand scape of my husband and my relationship, the transition went very quickly. My mother in law and I were always friends. We would go out on girls day type things, I would talk to her about stuff and we would do a lot for each other. We became very close after I would visit her in the hospital when my husband and I first met...I would sit there for hours for one reason: When I was younger, my grand mother was killed in a hospital by a nurse that gave her an overdose...also known as a angel of mercy...We do not leave family alone in hospitals since then. I would go up and sit with her all day until her kids came. She had a falling out with eldest son and they did not speak for years...As soon as they came back into her life, we minus well have been dirt on her shoes. That is when the bs started. It took about a year for it to come to a head but when it did WATCH OUT!!!! <br />
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It's weird because family is important to me too. I know being in this group people may not thinks so...but it comes down to protecting the family that lives with you...your immediate family.

If you don't mind me asking, how long did it take you to get to that point?<br />
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For me, I guess the delay is that family is supposed to mean something. After my daughter was abused by my MIL's boyfriend and she denied it and said that I coached my daughter and put the physical evidence on her (my daughter was 3) my husband and I did not really talk to her for a few years, except for at family get togethers. Then, because our daughter loves her, I allowed her back in to some degree. My husband continued his distance. We know that she is not the one who did these things to her, however, the way she denied it and continues to do so is very difficult to swallow. So everything she had done before that, and after is magnified (there is a ton of stuff there). She was always a pain in the a** trying to break my husband and I up and just being mean. But I am trying to find how to be "ok" with our decision. I understand that we/he may still love her, but that we deserve better, as does our daughter. I guess I was believing that happily ever after happens in all stories. Sorry for rambling, I am just having a really hard time with a lot of issues with the inlaws. For example, we have five nephews and a niece. His brother will stay out of it, his sister wont'. We get along really well with the exes, so I know we will still see them. But I know at Thanksgiving and Christmas we wont' have a full house of kids. We have always been close to them. That may be bothering more than never seeing MIL and SIL again.

I understand that completely! It was like that for me as well. But now they have done so much to us that I can not look past it and just choose not to give a damn.

My husband has always backed me up as well. Which is why they think he is brainwashed. lol.<br />
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True, it shouldn't matter what they think. Logically, I understand that, however, it truly does hurt that after 11 years that I am still ostracized by them. On a good day I say screw'em. On a bad day, I am thinking, am I truly that unlikeable? Are my husband and I crazy? I know, it doesn't make a lot of sense to waffle that way. I truly am looking forward to the day where I feel nothing. Hatred and anger is a feeling - which means unfortunealty, I still care to some degree.

Thanks, my husband does back me up! Thankfully!!! I've come to realize one thing especially lately: They don't matter! Why should I care what they say about or to me. They (obviously) have some major issues rooted deeply so I just am not gonna care any more...see where that leads me...I just wanna live a peaceful life and if that means keeping them out of it, that is fine with me. There is no reason to invite chaos into your life, no matter what others say.

Wow - I have not met someone whose husbands family truly thought that they brainwashed him (other than me). It really hurts that his family views my husband as some weakling because they can't believe that he dislikes them probably more than I do. I just found this site tonight, having trouble sleeping because of all the issues with my husbands family. Hopefully your husband will back you up dealing with his family.

aww ... don't let her make you feel like that. Thats awful. I'm sorry you're down. Hopefully soon things will change for the better.