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Male to Female unable to stop cross dressing urge

Hello Forum - I recently posted 10/23/2009 sharing how I began living totally as a women discarding every bit of men's clothing and affects I 'd owned on New Years Day 2005. 

NOW I'm going to share my story of how and why I got myself into becoming an addicted willing male to female CROSS DRESSER having literally become a submissive live-in partner with two different dominate female lovers.

GOING Back to the 1950's - IN THE BEGINNING I remember wearing my mother's shoes, underwear and bras as a little boy.  As I grew into a teenager I became an occasional cross dresser on a regular basis liking to wear nylons having a soft and feminine feel close to me stooping at about age 18 when for several years having joined the military.  Thereafter marrying at age 21, it wasn't until 1986 after a bitter divorce that I started again to wear nylons, panties and some items of outer wear.  It for fun on occasion because it produced an exciting thrill of sexual excitement and delight within my psych I find pleasurable.

Starting in late 1980's I began dating again having had a few different girlfriends.  I then re-married Carol BaRNETT which marriage lasted only 3 months.  By 1992 I was no longer dating ANYMORE having no desire to do it.  I can began cross dressing. except now more aggressively and daringly.  I was now wearing female outer garments, shoes,facial makeup and a wig.  Once I began to wear high heels and dresses I'd drive around in my car singing with the radio being a women once or twice a week for 2-3 hours at a time. 

In 1992 I met a lady living in Oklahoma while sharing life experiences with in one of those Internet chat rooms.  Invited by her to come to to Oklahoma after many weeks of chatting, I flew out in May meeting Sandy Boyd face to face.  She wasn't an attractive women by any means yet she got into my head being the well spoken educated nice personalty person she was.  She dressed very well, appeared to enjoy my companionship as much as I enjoyed hers, and unquestionably was quite well to do financially.  From the 1st date I can remember how she'd made me very comfortable even with her comments and many questions that dug deep into my mind.  Before I'd left Oklahoma for a return flight to California where I lived, we'd enjoyed sex several times.  She was the first women to ever use a ***** encouraging me to be her submissive partner.  Saying how much she liked my hair, and body features (just as I liked hers), we both became comfortable with each other despite the fact my cross dressing didn't seam to matter to he.r  In fact, before I left to return to California we agreed to have another meeting in 3-months.

In July 1992 I again flew out to Oklahoma from California meeting with Sandy Boyd.  We'd become more intensely personal with each others inner feelings having chatted everyday over many months.  Interestingly enough, this second trip (surprisingly to me) gave her the opportunity to take me shopping for women's clothing, undergarments and shoes I'd guessed at the time to satisfy her curiosity of how well I dressed, walked, talked and appeared as a women?  I do remember now of her telling me while making love that second night of our meeting how much she liked my bodies curves, hair, sexuality and appearance.  At that time I'd thought for sure she was interested in me as her boyfriend, not in me as her transvestite *****.   How stupid of me not to realize the theme our our relationship when she first asked to be the dominate in our love making, and how much it turned her on to do so.  I can only assume Sandy liked whatever she experienced in me sexually, intimately or otherwise during our 2nd visit that included having me accompany her in public dressed in women's attire because she invited back asking that I come in October.

Returning the 3rd time to Oklahoma October 1992, I'd flown out on the 29th as agreed.  Within a period of six months our relationship seemingly developed into a very  mutually satisfying one.  Having arrived at the Tulsa airport mid afternoon, over lunch Sandy told me she and was taking me to a Halloween party in 2 days.  Clarifying that several of her girlfriends were dressing their dates as women, she wanted to out do them all winning a bet made between them.  I agreed to be her female  companionship knowing it would be a fun experience.

For the next two days I'd never been so pampered, done over and made to be so feminine.  Arranging to have me done over by her people, on the morning of my 2nd day in Tulsa Sandy had me dress in the clothing, shoes and accessories she'd previously purchased asking that I accompany her  to have my hair styled.  It was styled alright, it was dyed black then cut real short into a very sassy style.  Thereafter she told me I'd have endure a little pain having my legs and body waxed.  Done in and worn out by 6PM that evening, I'd wanted to go back to her home to get a good nights sleep. It didn't happen that way,  Sandy made intense feverish love to me most of night.

On October 31st 1992 we both got up early (about 6AM) dressed, had breakfast and off we both went to a women's specialty store where she'd arranged for me to be fitted into a bra, silicon breasts, padded girdle with butt & hip enhancements, and really lovely underwear.  Before going for to the makeup salon,  she had me agree to having my ears pierced as she wanted to see me wearing her 1 karate diamond studded earrings.  By 3PM on that Halloween day I was looking and feeling very feminine.  Not done with me yet, she'd also arranged for her salon friend to complete a total facial make over which included eyebrow shaping, eye lash makeover, shaving of my face and application of all sorts of cosmetics and lipstick.  I still to do this day dream about looking that good again.

By 6PM October 31st 1992 starved and wanting to eat Sandy said we didn't have time, I could snack at the party.  Advised I wasn't finished yet, we had another appointment for us both.  Wanting to make a statement, Sandy escorted me into an elegant ladies wear store.  Three very attractive ladies fitted us both into matching hounds tooth dresses.  As we left wearing matching dresses, wearing 2" patent heels, carrying matching handbags and wearing diamond earrings, pearl necklaces and  bracelets we botyh strutted into her friends home to do our thing! Never did ask who won that night as all the dates were as gorgeous as I was.  We all had a very entertaining fun evening.

Back to her home in Sand Springs by 2AM I feel asleep in a reclining chair.  Up at 6AM I undressed and showered getting myself ready to leave on the noon flight.  Before I could leave the bedroom for the kitchen Sandy pushed me onto the bed and for the next 2 hours made love to me her way.  Literally worn out, I got dressed in my own men's cloths and asked her to use her dogie shears to give me a buzz haircut.  Not wanting to she reluctantly did, and 3 hours later I was on a plane headed back to California.

In December 1992 I returned to Oklahoma for another short visit.  Enjoying ourselves as we always did, Sandy asked me to leave my job at the Bank  where I worked and move to Oklahoma to live with her.  In April 1993 I resigned my position and by mid month I was driving a Penske truck to Okla home prepared to start a new life living in Oklahoma with my girlfriend.

From April 1993 to November 1994 we lived together.  Dressing everyday in beautiful well tailed clothing living life as a total women having dark brown shoulder length hair streaked with Blondie highlights wearing a size 14-16 jeans and sandals most days and having a beautifully tailored wardrobe with more shoes, boots and sandals than most real women I didn't mind one bit being Sandy house keeper, maid, ***** and boy toy transvestite companion.  Unfortunate for me and her, Sandy was diagnosed months earlier with pancreatic cancer.  She'd never shared with me her health issues although she smoked like a chimney on fire before announcing she have to move out ending our relationship.  Returning to her parents Sand Springs home to live out her life (which was 2 months), I had one month's free rent to enjoy knowing I could no longer function as a man in Oklahoma.  Stupidly, I panicked and agreed to allow a lady friend of Sandy's to move in with me.  It seems only days, almost like like immediately that she'd made me her *****.  In less than a months time I had to again on moving out and finding a job as as man cause I had no female identity. Sorrowfully for me, Barbara's abuse and demands plus asking me to accompany her to a doctors office where I was examined,  measured for breast enhancement surgery and told I was going to be made over was too much for me.  I ended that relationship that day!

I'd liked our Broken Arrow home so much I arranged to buy it from the owner.  My next story brings my life up to date as I again have the urge to return to living full time everyday as a women.  I have no desire to undergo a sex change or breast enhancement surgery thank you.

sandradorothy sandradorothy 56-60 2 Responses Oct 24, 2009

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i'm really sorry to hear about how you lost your girlfriend to pancreatic cancer. i lost my wife to that in 07 and thats when i stopped dressing. she really inspired me and supported me 100% and i miss her very much. today i am dressing again and living about 75% of the time as a woman. god bless you

I understand your urge, I have the same urge, I dress all the time and all I ever think about is womans clothes make up and all things girlie, I am starting to think about men as my boyfriends and I want to be close with them.....the urge is taking over my life and I can not stop ,it is just to strong to fight and I have totally give in to it..I want to become a woman and I am proud of this, I wish I was having thesex change and breast surgery Jane Christine..........