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Accepting My Crossdressing

Like many who cross dress I had struggled with this for many years. I started as a teen wearing my mom's things then whenever I had the house to myself for extended period of time I would dress in her things. Tho I really enjoyed it I still felt guilty after. When I was older and on my own I began to experiment more and bought some things to wear. I loved it but after a while I would purge get rid of everything and say I was done.Only later to buy more woman's clothing and start all over again. it was a vicious cycle.

I finally came out to a girlfriend, she was much older and wiser than me and she accepted this after her initial shock. We talked and she took control of me and we had a lovely 2 year relationship where I learned to accept my cross dressing. I also learned I was submissive to women, but that's another story. We incorporated my xdressing into our love life and I really enjoyed her control. There were weekends when I spent the entire time in femme. We would travel to other towns nearby and go out as girlfriends, to movies, dinner, shopping and even a concert. We never let our friends know.

When the relationship end due to me moving across country for a job. I knew I was hooked. This was 30+ years ago  I never again purge or quit. I still feel guilty and still keep 2 sets of friends and lead a somewhat double life. But I'm happy  

glorialamuse glorialamuse 56-60 33 Responses Apr 25, 2010

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To LittleMelissa
If it’s not too late don’t purge.
I stopped dressing abruptly five or six year ago around the time my wife first became ill.
During her illness and after her passing I had no desire to dress.
Some week ago as I started to view and consider packing up her shoes, dresses, skirts, tops, etc, etc – memories came flooding back – both how see looked and how I looked in many of the items. She was supportive of me. I’ve put on weight and a few years older – but the desire to dress came rolling back as if it had never been gone.
Dressing, as it always did, has helped me to relax, empty my head of the rattling inside. I feel calm and at peace.
OK so I would not currently pass – that to my mind is not the issue here – the issue is the sense of sheer pleasure and joy dressing brings. Don’t give up.

Like you I live a double life at work im all male, at home I am all cd. I too used to have 2 sets of friends but the ones that did not know about me have slowly fallen away and now I live one life at home.

I'm about to purge again soon. I tried to weigh the advantage against the disadvantage and I believe that the disadvantage is going to win. I must admit that I truly enjoyed it and that my wife was not only very supportive but she would actually encourage me. <br />
However, I'm looking at the disadvantage: I'm nearing 60 and moving further away from good looks, my wife is now very ill and the prognosis is not good, nobody else knows about my fetish, not my children, friends and associates, there are so few around who share my enthusiasm and are willing to associate (mostly do to distance between us).<br />
Throw this in with the costs involved, other risks, and just the time to get all dolled up, gives a negative grand total. <br />
I'm not saying that I don't enjoy being a sissy, but.....

Last week, I discovered that my boyfriend of three years (with whom I live) is a cross-dresser. He didn't come out to me, I found a box of his slingbacks! He was mortified when I told him, and couldn't look at me for the rest of the day. <br />
<br />
It was definately a shock, because I thought I totally knew him and because he's a big burly guy. And, well, who ever thinks their man likes to wear dresses and make-up? I am 100% OK with it, and we're gradually starting to talk about it. The first thing I did was reassure him that NOTHING would change the way I felt about him. I was really scared that his embarrassment would lead to a break-up, but thankfully not.<br />
<br />
I'm so new to this, and I don't know if I'm in the minority or not with just accepting it, and there's so much we've still to discuss. So far I've only seen a few pictures of him dressed, but I'm looking forward to meeting his alter-ego! <br />
<br />
Forums and websites like this have been really helpful to me over the past week, and people sharing their experiences has filled me with questions - I know he's heterosexual and with no desire to actually BE a woman: those were the ones I needed answered right away and apparently I'm a textbook case for having asked them! - but I don't want to bombard him. <br />
<br />
I'm always going to be maddly in love with him, so there's no question that I'll accept him for all of who and what he is.

My wife and I have been married for over 35 years. I only wished that I could have come to terms with my fetish a little sooner.
I'm sure that he loves you and with your understanding, you will have nothing to fear. You would not believe how many have come out to tell us about their own situation.
We smile and say, if only they knew.
My wife is now very ill, and I'm very afraid of the possible outcome.
Your communication with your boyfriend is excellent; it's now up to him to keep this communication line open.
I wish you both the best, and as far as I can see, people will be begging you for advice in a short while. Your success and happiness will shine on your faces.

You may love him even more when he dresses for you - enjoy.

Like you I struggled with CDing for years. Started when I was 8 and I would found a bag of Mom's nylons. I took them to my bedroom and tried them on. Loved the feel so I always kept a few to wear and pleasure myself. I suspect Mom knew but never said anything to me about it. After marrying my first wife I would often wear nylons, bra, and lingere. She was only partial accepting of it so I was always struggling with guilt over my desire. Bought and purged lots of nice high heels and pantyhose during those years. After she passed I met a very hot lady who loved to dress to the nines. After a few years she confronted me about my CDing and agreed to do it together which we did a few times but she did not enjoy it. After a few more years she divorced me saying she just could not handle my being a crossdresser. Truth was she had the hots for a couple of other men who she said were real men and dressed like real men should. Best thing that ever happened to me. I now the the opportunity to dress as I like most of the time and definitely like my frilly and girls things.

my wife does not accept my cross dressing in any way i have a fantasy for my cross dressing and want her to help me fulfill it she keeps saying it is wrong and I'm not supposed to do this. I am wondering what i can do to try to help her accept why i do it and to let me do it. and seeking therapy to try and keep our marriage together and to not let my parents know. am accepting any help i can get.

Your wife may be afraid of loosing you to your fetish. Also, she would be very embarrassed if this came out in the open. I suggest that you introduce her to this website and have her read a few stories. I was amazed to hear so many people coming out with their fetishes once I disclosed mine.
On one particular occasion, while shopping for ladies shoes, my wife and I told her that these were for me. She got so excited that she phoned her husband to meet her at the store. She then told us that her husband likes to wear woman's clothes also, but was too scared to shop with her.
We all had a good time, two more men joined us in our search for size 11 and 12 woman's shoes.
Ask your wife to go shopping with you. Pick a store far away from home.
Your wife may not admit it right away, but in time, she'll want to take you shopping often.

being new to the city i live in now makes it very easy for me to dress in public and so far its a rush. i will never purge again either, too much time and money wasted from doing that. plus self acceptance is key, after that it dont matter who accepts me and who dont, so far the few friends i have made here think what i do is wonderful. one straight girl who didnt like it at first, now wants to do my makeup all the time and my oldest son treated us all to dinner at dennys and wasnt bothered in the least that i was in drag

to bad work made you leave a very wonderful and superior female. I may have had second thoughts about how bad I needed the job!

Hey i guess the majority of us havebeen in the same situation,i've thrown away loads of nice lingerie .i am now complete no guilt and loads of lingerie

Hey i guess the majority of us havebeen in the same situation,i've thrown away loads of nice lingerie .i am now complete no guilt and loads of lingerie

herbaby, are the clothes really that much more important to you than your wife? Would you really accept a divorce rather than try to find some compromise where you can feel comfortable without pushing her beyond the boundaries she can cope with at the moment?<br />
<br />
You say you want to do this for her, but she's made it clear from the separate beds that it isn't what she wants from you. Is the nightgown more important than intimacy with the person you said you love?<br />
<br />
I know that sounds judgmental, and I apologize... it's not intended that way. I'm only recognizing the same mistakes that cost me three girlfriends before I took a long hard look at what's really important to me, and I learned to compromise for the sake of love. Now I'm blessed to have a wife who accepts the dressing even though she's not interested in it. So as our compromise she doesn't complain when I dress all day, and I don't dress in front of the kids or expect her to be sexually aroused while I'm dressed. She gets to keep the man she married, and I get to keep my dresses and nightgowns. Everybody wins!<br />
<br />
You can do the same. Explain to her how the nightgowns, lingerie, whatever makes you feel when you wear them, vs. how you feel when you can't wear them. Find out how she feels when you are wearing them. Then look for some middle ground that will give you enough time wearing what you like so that you're happy and relaxed, and she gets enough time with you as all man so she doesn't feel like she's lost her husband.<br />
<br />
OK, enough preaching :-) I do hope you can work things out though

I agree with Fullcircle. I am blessed to have a beautiful set of natural nails that are healthy and strong. I grow them out about one-half to three-quarters of an inch past the tips of my fingers. I sculpt them, smooth them and shape them and I protect them with a coat of high-gloss top coat. I can't tell you how many lovely ladies are always coming up to me and commenting on them. They are always giving me genuine compliments about them. They always want to know what I use on them to get them to grow. They lament that they used to bite their own nails when they were younger or that they still do. They are all somewhat jealous of my natural nails. I also paint my toes in various colors depending on my mood, and I am very careful not to paint the cuticles or skin on the sides ( I am like Monk in that regard I guess). I wear shorts in the summer with comfortable and fashionable flip flops to show off my pedicure. And I shave everywhere too. And of all these beautiful ladies that make it a point to initiate a conversation with me over my nails, not a one of them has ever asked me why I grow them. I have to believe that they already know the answer to that! And they are the ones that come up to me and start the conversation and once we talk for a moment they discover that I am a nice guy too. That puts them at ease and i have no trouble with finding ladies that are interested in talking with me. I am just there being me, eating at a restaurant, or working on the job site, or going through the drive through getting dinner for my wife and I. And women respect such honesty. They find it refreshing. They are always happy to talk with me and my wife if we are together.<br />
<br />
It seems to me that most women aren't as judgmental as men are. Knowing that, it is easy to understand that we men who enjoy cross dressing are often our own worst enemies! It reaaly isn't that big of a deal. If it makes you feel good to wear feminine clothes, then why would you choose to feel bad?<br />
<br />
Acceptance is the key to happiness. If you are having trouble accepting yourself, find a therapist you can afford! That is what I did. And truth be told, that is exactly the sort of thing that females do too. So if you have a feminine side that refuses to be suppressed and is dying to express herself, do the feminine thing and get help. Go see a therapist. They won't try to "fix" you, they will help you accept yourself as you truly are; a human being born in a male body that desires to ex[press your feminine side to some degree. Find yourself and just be happy. You may just find, as most of us do, that you should have accepted yourself as you are years ago.<br />
<br />
Love, Ashley.

Just a very few of my friends know I am crossdresser. They consider me 'odd' but accept it. However, on occasions in the past I have got 'cold feet' and purged all my women's clothing. Every time I have restocked my wardrobe and wig collection. Now I have far more women's clothing than men's (which I only wear when absolutely necessary), even including silk nighties for bedtime. I also have a collection of kaftans, which I can wear anywhere, changing between genders according to whether I am wearing a wig or not!

I think when we are young we try to resist crossdressing. as we get older we realize its ok and it just feels right.

SaraWells: Do you find them, or do they find you? Or do you find it together. I think a lot of shared understanding is important so your GF knows where you are. A man in panties, a man who thinks he's a woman sometimes, or a man who wants to be a woman? A fetishist for fun, or someone with gender identity ambiguity? I take it you are rather younger than I am, so maybe there is some self-realisation to follow for you? Maybe if some small outward signs of your feminine preferences were there, you would be presenting a clue for girls who like that.

What i want to know, is how the hell do you find a partner who is accepting? I have been with 2 different girlfriends who know my secret. The first accepted it for a while and we had our fun. The second, gave it a shot and hated it. During our breakup she called me a "crossdressing piece of sh*t". Its not that I want to be a woman, I love being a man. but when it comes to being sexual, I rather enjoy dressing up in sexy lingerie or just panties. So, how do you find someone who can accept that? Im afraid to tell anyone now.

These stories run and run ... we've all been there. <br />
<br />
But still guilty?<br />
<br />
Goodness, of what, knowing and being yourself! Quit the guilt and celebrate being a richer more complete person!

Purged one when I was 20. Did not start collecting (only wore wifes things secretly or during sex) for about 20 years. Over the last 20 I have been steadily collecting with my wifes help. It's great and I don't expect that I will ever purge again.

Sounds great I have only play'd around with crossdressing. I think it started while watching my<br />
mother getting ready to go out . Makeup lipstick sometimes she would put lipstick on me . When I<br />
was older I'd wear her bathing suits when no one was home.

I remember my first big purge. It was when I was driving to California to marry my wife of 26 years now. I thought that certainly with getting married, I wouldn't need to crossdress anymore. I lasted a few years but just couldn't get over the need to wear something feminine. I bought things for her but she's not into anything more than cotton high cut Jockey, so I eventually started sneaking into the more feminine things she wouldn't wear. It took awhile but I did finally tell her I had to wear something feminine every now and then. She has somewhat allowed it but doesn't support it. With the economy I have had to move over 200 miles away from my family for work. I'm living with one of my two sons so he can attend college here. Lately the feminine side has really been pushing for some attention and I had such strong desires to move up to make-up, wig, heels and a "Sissy" dress. My wife is definitely against my going so far but the occasional bra and panties late at night just isn't doing it for me and makes me wonder what really drives us to do this.

wow this was mind blowing and it happened a while ago back when this sort of thing was really unusual and not well accepted i i wish i could have a success like that im glad it has worked out for you

I have so many regrets because of the purge process. So many lost things which are not easy to or take a long time to replace. But I do accept who i am and enjoy it to the point where I wish i could spend a lot more time dressed up. Despite knowing i was different from a pretty young age, I didn't know who i was until much later where circumstances now prevent me from being who i am except when alone and in relative secrecy. Its funny how when a kid, I didn't know why, but was just driven to wear clothes, most closes made from plastic. Now I love latex dresses and corsets and when dressed feel like I should be dress as such all the time.

I have been crossdressing since 7yr of age!!!! How i started was boys undies broke me out and and girls didnt so mom put me in girls undies !!! loved it and have ever sence !!! Now i dress How I feel I dont worry over if its boys or girls Right now I am wearing a sleaveless yellow blouse a black skirt & purple flower panties with a white & pink sports braw !!! I dont have aney body hair I shave ..<br />
the fact is that wearing female cloths makes me feel Compleate and I do love the change from Mens clothing ........... females have more choices in clothing !!!!! Witch I like !!!!

like I said, I had two relationships where my girlfriend knew, and although their acceptance may have varied neither breakup was a result of my crossdressing.

My experiences are similar to yours, except I've never had an accepting female. I'm so jealous.

I am blessed with a very accepting wife. She and I shop together and pick out panties for each other. I wear panties daily. My men's underwear are in the back of a dresser drawer. Last week my wife gave me black hose with lace at the top and a black garter. I was shocked, but my legs look pretty good in them! Only problem is she doesn't want me to wear a bra. Anybody else run into this problem?

I spend 24/7 as a cd. Its the only way I want to live so I just do it.

I am lucky enough to have a very supportive and participating wife. We spend time together as wife and girlfriend. I love every second as Roxy and can't wait to dress again. She buys me things that she thinks I'll look sexy in. I wear panties or a thong every day of the week. I shave every where so I am always smooth. I love it

I think if you have only one person that accepts that you cross dress lessing the guilty feeling

Accepting ourself is the first big step. Its hard, but after it, everything will be changed.