Too Scared To Get Out Of Bed.

My husband and I separated 10 months ago. I was the initiator deciding to leave when I realized that there was no room for me anymore in our relationship: all of our time, money, energy was inputted into his business and his dreams. There was no flexibility, no where for me to move and grow and develop. I knew if I stayed with him I would end up a lonely and bored housewife (because  thats what he expected of me) and if you knew me you would know that's a role I'm not cut out for. I started seeing another man after our separation and he treated me wonderfully, I didn't know that it was possible for someone to be so loving, supportive, generous. I ended that relationship because, despite how lovely he was and how happy I was to be appreciated I still loved my husband and there was a part of me that doubted if divorce was the way to go. There was a time when my husband and I were best friends, could we be that way again? My husband knew I had been seeing somebody else, however, always maintained he wanted me back, that I was the only one for him. We attended marriage counseling and through that I learnt we weren't right for each other, had different life dreams and paths. But, I couldn't shake it. Was I making the right choice? When I doubted myself I knew I had to explore it, find out why I still felt this way. I tried to spend more time with my husband but felt so angry, so deprived, so resentful. I felt I had given him so much I had nothing left to give, I was depleted and I was lonely. I ended a relationship with the most  lovely man  and I realized that my husband wasn't who I thought he was. In the last 72 hours I have learnt that the entire time my husband was trying to get back together with me (while also purposefully makng me feel guilty about seeing someone else) he was seeing another woman. He was deceiving both her and I. And he slept with her in our home (I moved out 10 months ago however continue to pay 2/3 of the mortgage as well as my own rent). I feel that he had been deceitful and misleading. Has he? Am I wrong to feel this way?
Hawkeye83 Hawkeye83
26-30, F
2 Responses Sep 13, 2012

yes u have every right to feel that way and always follow ur heart and instinct

You have every right to feel that way. Every person deserves to be happy and if he's not making you happy, then you made the right decision by leaving him. I know we always question our decisions and start thinking "may be he wasn't that bad".. but the fact is: he was that bad, that's why you wanted to leave him in the first place. Don't be afraid to explore your chances. life has a lot to offer you and it's never too late to be happy.