I Am In Love With Cutting Myself

I must start by saying that I have Bipolar, and I am a 34 year old male. I was a puncher and head banger for most of my life, but then I discovered the joys of cutting. I am completely addicted to it. I carry a folding utility knife with me at all times and am uncomfortable when I am without it. Cutting is in my mind almost at all times. I love the scars and find them beautiful and will stroke them often. I especially love to watch the blood flow. The beautiful crimson flow of goodness. I become so entranced when I watch the beauty of it. How the blood contrasts with my skin. I love to just let it pool up in the tub and splash it and trace through it. Just let it flow and flow and flow. The life that I let spill out is so completely awesome. I can't stop, and I do not wish to stop. It is a thing of extreme beauty. That is really all. Thanks for listening. Peace.
ManiacalTom ManiacalTom
31-35, M
3 Responses Sep 7, 2012

I've thought about it but never did it. I've also thought about burning myself ... I think the scars would be interesting. Truthfully being punished by someone else has the greatest appeal to me.

I understand that , I was a young cutter and stopped in my 20s but have started up again . I am so angry afterwards at myself but it happens when I'm unmedicated and it does ease the ache inside and the craziness of having a few mental illnesses .
I have always had a thing for blood but blood isn't why I cut .

I like the beauty of the blood. I don't really notice the pain. We are all different though.

I never would have thought I would actually come across someone who feels exactly the same as what I do about cutting. Suddenly I don't feel that alone and freaky anymore. Thank you for sharing this.