Make Me Sway...

My mind was dark and muddled just like an angry storm and whatever was nagging and pulling at every negative thought in my brain would NOT go away. I was teetering on the edge of a bomb about to go off... and almost signed out of my dance class tonight. How can I dance in this state of mind?? Reluctantly, I went, with the idea that my funk would work itself out on the way... or something. Warm up begins… my muscles start writhing and twisting, stretching and rolling…. moving as slow as I can, desperately trying to somehow fall into the music… And then out of nowhere, like morphine, I begin to feel a chord, a beat, a melody, creep into my torso... seeping down into my legs, my feet, sending them into a slow, strenuous prance. My core starts warming, burning.. I can feel myself coming back... Then the song changes suddenly and I fall out of it again. Gone. Warmup continues, without my inner dancer, and after working abs and hamstrings and all that great stuff I realize I feel a little odd…. weak… shakey…. **** I didn’t eat enough - my blood sugar is low - I’m gonna faint - I'm gonna DIE and I won't be able to DANCE! I force myself through the moving meditation (which was not much of a meditation at all, today) and… LUCKY ME! In my bag, I have a granola bar to bring my dying dancer back to life! Not only that, but I also find the bag of nuts (haha) that I was munching on earlier (HAHA)… I grab the bar, grab the bag of nuts and stuff my face. Within 10 minutes I start to feel better. We have pole time, and something inside me begins to stir once again... blah blah blah-now… it is time to dance. I made myself last to give myself time to wake up and see what kind of song I feel like. So all the girls go, everyone is ******* fantastic, then it’s time for the girl BEFORE me to go, which means I’m dancing backup. She picks a slow song, slow but powerful... this is perfect. I throw on my blue pumps which I haven’t worn to dance in MONTHS and place myself face towards the wall and the music begins…. And it starts.. the song began to drain my mind of all that I’d felt during the day. I could feel the strength creeping back into my legs and my arms as I began to swing my hips… My heart was pounding like my body was playing the drums of war... I stayed pressed against the wall, my body softly caressing its imperfections, and it felt fabulously relaxing. The soft red light that glows throughout the studio, the girls cheering on the main dancer, and me, finally letting go and falling into the rhythm of my body. I'm back, finally. Then the song ended and it was my turn. ****. I didn't have a song. I told our instructor I wanted something slow… it could be sweet, sad, powerful, slinky… it didn’t matter… just slow. And I wish I could tell you what song she chose but I didn’t even think to ask. My dance mate Kate sat herself in the lapdance chair, I placed myself back to her on the pole in front of the chair and music began leaking through the speakers... My body already knew what to do. Everything left my mind… every negative emotion, every negative thought dripped away from my mind with each slow beat. It was tantalizing, relaxing, dangerous and soothing all the same time. I hugged the pole as I danced like a snake hugs a branch as it moves. It all felt so... natural. The world went away and for a second there was only the studio - pulsating with music, myself, the pole I was slinking down from, Kate and the chair. I spoke to the chair with my body, which is something I almost never do. I keep away, I avoid eye contact and I dance on the other side of the room. Not today… today I sang the notes of the song with my body to my prey in the chair. Writhing on the cold, hardwood floor, the slight slip of the pole as I climb towards the ceiling and the tug of it and I slither back down… I don’t think I could’ve mustered up a negative thought through all of that even if I’d tried. Then the music ended as I melted back down to the floor and everyone broke out in cheers as we always do for each other. I felt the complete opposite than I had in the morning once the music ended. I felt happy, caught in bliss, not irritated or tense, I felt beautiful and clear. I felt free of my negative thoughts - it was almost nothing. Just… happy. Words cannot explain days like these. You can stew in one feeling all day… ALL day and almost be unable to shake yourself of it, but one thing can change it all. Whether it be a joke, something that happens, something someone does or says, or a song… anything… and it all goes away as if it were never there. As we left class, all I could think about was my entire day with a clear head and a smile on my face. I still went to class and told myself ‘let yourself see what happens and how you feel once it’s through’ and I. Feel. *******. Fantastic. Very lucky, I am, to be able to give myself those two hours out of the week to do what I want, to be who I want to be and come out like I’m going to conquer the rest of the week like I conquered the days before it. Two hours to allow my body express herself without my mind getting in the way… I must say, she’s much more powerful at making those thoughts go away, than I am. And the music…. Oh the music. How to explain the feeling of the beat of a song flowing through you? There are no words for except, simply ‘oh the music’. A sigh of relaxation and relief…. (: Quite easy it is to ride on a cloud… You simply have to find what takes you up there <3
tigerlilee tigerlilee
26-30, F
Jan 8, 2013