I haven't posted on EP in a very long time because I felt I didn't need too anymore. I've been trying over the past months to stop with all the crossdressing, but it just keeps coming back to me all the time. It's not always the fact that I want to crossdress fully, just the little things like wanting to paint my nails all the time. I can't go anywhere without being jealous of girls wearing polish... It's truly hard, no matter how much I don't think I should be wearing nail polish or wanting to dress up, I just can't help the way I feel about girly things. I've tried to wear polish out in public, and in the end I'm still too afraid of what people think. I love dressing up, I always have, I never not like it, it's just the fact that I believe I shouldn't be doing it. I don't think I'll ever be able to run away from crossdressing in my life. I feel as if its in my blood. I know that isn't true. It's just a big mess up that I wish I could escape.