So What If I Was Called a Loser I Know What I Am

OK SO WHAT if I was told I was worthless, no good, not deserving of parents or love...yadaydaya. YOU BET it makes me angry being abandoned left to abusers that abuse my parents!!!!!
OH YEAH!
 Can everyone say A B U S E  * C Y C L E !
Wow we humans are amazing and OH SO STUPID at the same time!

SO WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT ALL THIS
The BEST part is we get to choose in life.

Pick the EASY WAY and WamMoBamOH we get the same old same old cycle regurrrrrgetated all over the family tree! Woooooooh! Easy street isn't so easy for the kidohs!!

 Choose the hard way and we get to discover how much pain we are in, how deep we buried, it, WE DISCOVER WHO WE ARE and what our passions in life are, We get to choose better people as our friends!! YES WE ARE DESERVING!

One wild wave that starts a new cycle of empowerment!

I've been called stubborn and self willed and that has made my abusers miserable - I am proud to say! Sitting on the inside being force to stand on the outside. Folks they could do what they wanted with the exterior but they never got to my heart or spirit. Yeah OK they did a number on my head but that's what the hard work is all about. Dumping, changing, rearranging all the programs to suit my mission in life!

Thank goodness for those few teachers that touched my life it has made me who I am today, a better person!

Who am I?

Many different persons To abusers I was seen as a mess, a nut case, a loser, someone who was never going to amount to be anything, a burden on the world, along with some other choise colorful, unmentionable words.

True I may never be like the masses and I have a zillion and one characters inside me but I never get bored or lonely, I have a whole crew for my podcast and I see differently! So what!
Art changed my world growing up. It took my hell away and empowered me to create better worlds.  We all have our refuges, mine was/is art. What's yours? What gets you through your hard times? Are you the kind of person that buried all your love and passion and replaced them with living for others. What a shame because there will only be one you in this lifetime.
My mother once tried to convince me that the world would be a better place without me and I should killmyself. Can you believe it...I thought she was right!?
As I stood by the road weaping trying to coax myself into traffic my heart/spirit was working hard for my defence. IT IS TRUE at our most desperate moments is when we can hear our heart/spirit and even God! OH WHAT GOOD ADVISE I HAD THAT DAY!

Here I am today with so many hurts and pain that has brought me to this day, this moment writing. These experiences has made me the person I am,  courageous, curious, loving, empowered and amazing. A person that loves making the monkey shine and building an army of monkey-shiners.

HEROES aren't always those who are the strongest, the biggest heroes in this world are those who are fragile, young, fraile, small, hurt and in pain. Those who've been through it all, the war for their soul, heart and minds and made it through. That's the true army of heroes who are amazing.
YOU ARE ONE OF THEM and you know it!
diggersstory diggersstory
70+, F
6 Responses Mar 21, 2007

(( A Child's Definition of Home )) <br />
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When you are outside it looks like a house but when you are inside it feels like a home.

YEAH MAN you're not SEARCHING for "pain" it's just that when you SEEK problems in your life and try to deal with them the reaction is pain and hardship, but those aren't BAD, those are just the effects of YOU doing something to better YOUR SELF. Nobody can tell you to do this, it's all you! RIGHT ON!

Your story was awesome! You did a great job putting into words a lot of my struggles through the years and you made so much sense. Thank you so much!!

Your story was awesome! You did a great job putting into words a lot of my struggles through the years and you made so much sense. Thank you so much!!

Thank you for sharing such wise advice. It keeps me going when I hear from people who want to grow, and change, and break the cycle. It takes an open mind.

OK we all know what a pain in the keester it is to take the time to rate/comment or leave any form of footprint that you read this but please consider leaving some form of evidence that you were here besides all the views I see. Don't get me wrong I am sooooo grateful you did stop and read about my little humble struggle/existence/experience/victories in this wide world of ours! REALLY but my heart leaps with joy to know there are others who relate/care/have a voice! THANKS!