Fly Or Fall It's All In A Day...

It's funny how you feel it but how to truly describe it. From the moments leading up to it. Nights of less or no sleep but you don't crave the rest so why force yourself to submit to it. Then comes the climb and up and up you go and as you rise you know this is it and that the higher you go the more dangerous life can be but do you really care? Consequenses aren't real anymore. What others think mean nothing. It's the feeling of flight that you have missed and crave and here it is.

At first I fight it, no I must sleep more, don't give in. But there are those who also know that high you, that euporic me and they too crave it. It's funny how they almost smell it and come flocking in to get a taste of the oh so high MSP. In their eyes I am the same as I was back when. The entertaining, always giggly, not afraid to take a chance or push the envelope kinda me and now that I'm back it's like old times again.

Here's where the fight begins... I wanna come out and play! I wanna forget all that I know I'm supposed to be doing and let go except once you do, once you give in to that high you don't want to let go. There is never enough and when you have others pulling you for more it's harder to say no.

...but I miss the giggles, the all natural, oh so high, from the inside out laughter that takes over and you can't erase. I had that today, when we spoke, when I heard your voice and remembered how things used to be. You remember too but you also remember how easy it is for me to fall into that and yet you crave it so that you continue to pull... and I don't want to say no.

Grab a bottle of Cuervo and meet me on the roof and remind me how to fly just one more time.

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
7 Responses Mar 13, 2012

You describe the ascent into mania very well. It is a hard thing to resist but also for me it is often a dangerous place to be so I try to dance on the edge in Hypomania which is a bit easier to maintain. I was there for months and then I fell into a mixed state and here I still am 6 months later. Now I just want some peace.

hey msp, i am back here. loved your story i can so relate. wish they had a like button still. something changed again. hope all is well. toasting you with some Cuervo :)

Right????? Zoom Zoom...... One time I put SIX thousand miles on my bike in five days....

I miss that high too sometimes. I couldnt find my way back to it if i tried.

Thinking of the carefree days...exploring, taking chances, learning joy and sorrow.

Yeah I gave up religion for lent but still have my spirit and that's all need to fly... miss that rooftop though.

I felt this same feeling when i found God in my life. Very well said,yes i think it is very well said. I don't know so much about the bottle of Guervo. There was a day i would of met you there with one,but i would come with the Bible aw we could read any fly one more time