Njc23

I met a guy on the internet 3 months ago. We started talking & I instantly liked him because he was so nice & payed attention to me. We started talking on the phone & texting pretty much the whole day. Well, He told Me he loved me & I said it back. I thought it was weird he said it since he didn't know me but I liked how it made me feel. Well we started talking about me flying to see him. Then I found out he was on parole which still didn't bother me. Well everything was going just fine & one day he was drinking and started to flip out. It was alarming but the next day apologized. I should of pulled out then but couldn't. Well he gets kicked out of the place he is staying at starts staying at a motel and that's when I said to myself, "you can't be talking to him," but in my weird mind, I couldn't let it go. We were talking about getting married and I started to picture myself with him. I was going through alot myself emotionally, I felt unwanted and I felt that no one understood me so in my mind I truly believed that's what was going to happen. I got attatched to having someone talking to and them thinking I was beautiful n loved. Well I started lying saying I was gonna fly out there, I booked it but when the day came down to it I knew it was a lie and tried getting out of it. That's when I knew, this is going to far but I can't stop. I really convinced myself of my lies n started to believe well if I keep saying that it will turn into reality. But in the beginning I really did love him and everything was truthful but it wasn't until he would start flipping out & I felt all his problems on me, which I didn't need. He won't understand that it was both of us. We both wanted it to happen but I got caught up in the attention and making lies to keep in happy & he was looking for a girl who he could be with and all his problems would go away. I feel so horrible he called me & really broke Mr down, which I deserve. I really felt like I was falling apart, and I know I deserved it but he needs some help to. I feel so lost and broken inside because not only did I lie and hurt someone so bad, I also lost someone who could of been a good friend. And I lost that good feeling from him. Has anyone felt this way before?
njc23 njc23
22-25
1 Response Sep 23, 2012

I have somewhat felt like what your going through. Trust me though your not alone and your not unwanted. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16). God's love is the only real love that we need. God saw you among the millions of people and said that He wants you. Also you don't understand why this going on in your life right now because God has not told you yet. As the song higher by p.o.d. says "it will all make sense when I get there, all things that know and don't."