• Were you BORN this stupid? Or did it just take years of practice?

  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

  • The beatings will continue until morale improves

  • How about never? Is never good for you?

  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in 


  • Busy, you thought busy was a policeman.  "In England for some reason, they call the policeman busy

  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship.

  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

  • It's nice to see that you're not satisfied with people JUST THINKING you're an idiot.

  • I'm not anti-social. I'm anti-YOU.

  • I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me.

  • Would you like me to chew your food for you while I'm at it?

  • Wait, you mean I actually have to WORK at work??

  • Here's a quarter. Go forth. Be Happy.

  • It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

  • I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point 

    of view.

  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

  • It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

  • No, my powers can only be used for good.

  • You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

  • Who me? I just wander from room to room

  • And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

  • Do I look like a freaking people person?

  • This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. (yeah,

    and it's called my office)

  • I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

  • You!... Off my planet!

  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?

  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 

  • A PBS mind in an MTV world.

  • Allow me to introduce my selves.

  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

  • Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't

    fallen asleep yet.

  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

  • Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?

  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.


Here are other contrasts related to work.  You might have heard one of those statements:

  • When you take a long time, you're slow; When your boss takes a long time, he or she's thorough.

  • When you don't do it, you're lazy; When your boss doesn't do it, he or she's too busy.

  • When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.  When your boss makes a mistake, he or she's only human.

  • When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.  When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

  • When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.  When your boss does it, he or she is being firm.

  • When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.  When your boss skips a few rules, he or she is  being original.

  • When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.  When your boss pleases his boss, he or she is  being co-operative.

  • When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.  When your boss is out of the office, he or she is on business.

  • When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.  When your boss is a day off sick, he or she must be very ill.

  • When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.  When your boss applies for leave, it's because he or she is  overworked

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46-50, M
1 Response Feb 26, 2010