A Paranormal Past

I've always been a logical person. Not just logical, but factual. You claim to have eaten a worm-pie filled with, obviously, worms? Prove it. You say that you love me? Act it. You feel that there's a such a thing as the supernatural? Then show it.

This brute logicality in me is a blessing, but also my curse. At the time of writing this, I'm only 18. I feel decades older, due to my canine-aging brain, but I'm just a young whippersnapper. As a kid, I had a mentally and emotionally complicated form of a "childhood". I was apart of a church from the time I could hold memories until I was 12 that consisted of identical families. Families consisting of parents all sharing the same mind set, with children of the same age. Home Schooling, sheltering, protective, narrow-minded adolescents all searching for something, but putting on a facade, as if they've already found it. We all know those kind of in denial, self-loathing, empty people. All the families in this church believed in the same "a perfect family isn't fake. Imperfection just correlates with mistakes" policy. It was a cult, built out of nothing but see through glass and vein mirrors. My parents, on the other hand, weren't to be taken as "push-overs". They were and are very opinionated, easily offended, yet strong minded people. Or as known to the lame man, prideful. Their pride is what took my family and I out of that church. Stripping away everything I knew and all of my memories. Thus, recreating who I was ever since then. You know how you can't really remember certain times in your life, because it was a different time and an old you? Well, this was that kind of circumstance. Only take all that were and knew and erase that, leaving only the faded memories.

As my parents hopped from place to place, searching without knowing what for, I started to adapt myself to the new tradition of getting close to something, then having it torn away. I became accustomed to letting go and having change forced upon me. Not the good sort of change either. Similar to Barrack Obama's "change". I knew from the way my parents said they loved me, but didn't show it, that actions speak louder than words. I also knew that circumstances in life are what you make of them. You can either drink the water that your body needs to survive, or ***** about how it's tap water and die. So as I was learning, growing, and maturing, I started to become a very self-aware individual. At the age of 15, I knew that if I was to love anything, do anything, or be happy with myself, that I had to love who I was. Therefore, I started observing myself and who I was. I began a quest of what makes me, well, me. I learned that what makes me me isn't who I am, but who I strive to be. Needless to say, I knew who I was at a younger age than most people in their mid-life crisis.

Resulting in the next step: Observing others. I never really just sat down, put my hand under my chin, and analyzed certain people. No, that's a bit creepy. I would just be able to pick up on certain things, and in a broad sense, have a epiphany of who someone was. Maybe it was due my childhood, home life, and understanding of myself then relating that to others. Or perhaps it was just assumptions, but I seemed to be using this "ability" more naturally and accurately than ever before. I could tell what someone was about to say before they said it, I could think what someone was thinking while they were thinking it, and I could feel what was someone was feeling while they felt it. Either because I could naturally read their body language, facial expression, tone of voice, words, intentions, and their actions. Or because I just have some sort of overload of human sympathy and empathy. But I could potentially know who someone is, how they think, feel, act, and react after one conversation. Some are more complex than others, naturally, as I'm sure I am. Some people are ducks, chilling at the surface drinking their purified water, while others are dolphins, diving in the deep gulping down ****** water. Either way, this wasn't always the best trait to hold, being able to potentially know someone that fast. I've had to break a lot of relationships because I knew they weren't going to be healthy friendships. Which is where my "letting things go" acquired trait came into play. The past is the past. You can either sulk in it, or make it your *****, learn, and look towards a brighter future.

So by the time I turned 17, learned more about myself and others, and have had many ups and downs, I was confident in who I was. I loved me for who I was aiming to be, because I loved the person I wanted to see. Having confidence in yourself is a priceless thing that can achieve anything, so long as it isn't a growing disease. Let's be real, no one likes an ego-maniac except themselves, Jesus, and their ever-forgiving mother.

As I became more and more aware of my tangible surroundings, I began to question the intangible realm that no one can see. Known to some as the spiritual world, the paranormal, the supernatural, and The Matrix. I wondered if there was a God, if there was such a thing as "mental powers", and what spawned the existence of everything. Now, we won't get into the whole "Big Bang" theory, or a indepth study of contrary opinions on whether there's a God or not. So, let's focus on "mental powers". Also known as, Psychic abilities, manipulation of the mind, and exponentially using your brain. Also, ALSO known as, thinking, general manipulation, persuasion, communication, and other every day occurences. Now, as you know by now, I'm a logical person. A deep thinker, you might say.

It is scientifically proven that the average human use less than 2 percent of their brain. Now let's break down that sentence like a good Rock song: Less than 2 pecent that the AVERAGE human uses. Who's to say anyone is average? The only person who's opinion matters on this matter is yourself. So, what if someone isn't the "average" thinker? What if someone uses more of their brain than others? What if that person can do various seemingly impossible things? What if that person is me or you? I have a suspicion that I use a higher percentage of the average human, due to my mental ability to pick apart who someone is. There could many other reasons why others might use a higher percentage of their brain, also. Albert Einstein. Marilyn Monroe. Abraham Lincoln. Steven King. Benjamin Franklin. Good, dark, noble, inventive, or creative people that are examples of humans using higher percentages of their brain. Politicians, actors, inventors, writers, musicians, and scientists. All very different life styles and personalities, yet very similar people. As I pondered on the capabilities of the human mind, I realized that if there's a small portion of people using their mind more than others, then that shows in itself that the possibility is there. Even if not done in a significantly noticeable way, the capailities of a human mind could make the impossible possible, if higher percentages are used. Not that anyone has a secret formula or a How-To-Use-Your-Brain for Dummies book. If the possibilities are endless, then does that mean things such as psychic powers, kinesthesis, telepathy, and telekinesis are possible? No majority of people will know for sure.

As I studied this and naturally practiced my own cerebrum skill, I started experimenting with my ability to delve into people's mind by exaggerating it. If I knew someone well enough, could I do something somewhat supernatural by pin-pointing their location without knowing? Then after that's done, perhaps feel what they're doing at that time? Then how they're feeling and what they're thinking? I wasn't too sure what I would find, so I experimented with someone I knew well enough as a person, but not their daily rituals. I felt like this person was at their house, so I texted them to find out if my feelings were correct on where they were at. They texted back and told me I was correct. Okay, they're at their house. What work aholic or cheating husband isn't half of the time? I then proceeded to tell them what they were doing, which was sitting and watching TV. They responded again saying I was correct, this time with a question of, "What the hell?" following it, naturally. I then told this person that they weren't feeling very well physically and were worried about someone in their house with them. They responded saying that their mom was sick and not feeling well, and they felt like they were becoming sick also. Now I'm not sure if this was all just coincidence that I was correct with these feelings andor assumptions, since I'm quite the logical pessimist when it comes to anything supernatural, but it was something to think about.

Even if I doubted in the supernatural, I never doubted in myself. Faith might be nothing if you have nothing to believe in, but believing in yourself is a hell of a good start. So as I just slowly forgot about these deep interests inside of me and went on with my daily life, I started having experiences that I've never had before happen to me. Ever since I was able to use my mind in a different way, I had things happen to me that I would simply ignore because I always disregarded the supernatural. I always thought that some people just look for something to happen and find something to point their finger at, then make up their own reason why it happened. For example, every show about people hunting the supernatural on television. They hear a door close from the wind and blame it on the ghost that's birthday is ironically that same day. So, obviously the person must of had a terrible birthday party the day that heshe died and is now back for some surprise party revenge.

Even though I was ignorant to anything remotely similar to that happening around me, I started becoming interested in it soon after my research on the human mind capabilites. I started studying and researching many things on the paranormal scale. My skeptically factual brain could tell which stories and opinions were bogus, though, unlike most people that believe anything that sounds interesting. I personally don't believe in many things easily, though. Ouija Boards? HA! So never doubting what I was capable of, I began experimenting for the hell of it, yet again. This time, not only with my mind and the physical world, but with the spirtual realm.

I decided that if any of ithe spiritual realm was real then the easiest access would be through, yes, the bad side. The side waiting for you to slip up, assuming there are "sides". Demons and evil spirits. You know, the dark side of the force. After some research, I could put together myself that all the "ritual" routines with black candles that have a slight fragrance of rainy day and pure evil, exclusively at Bath & Body Works, that Hollywood likes to use for dramatic effect was completely unnecessary BS. So, I sat up in my bed and cleared my mind so I could focus, even though I wasn't all too sure on what. Obviously, it had to be something of Valdemort nature, though. So I thought of inflicting something on someone. Something bad. But who? My ex-girlfriend that I wouldn't mind inflicting some deadly disease on? No, I felt that it had to be someone that I had a connection with. So I thought about a friend of mine at that time named Meaghan. Now I only knew Meaghan for several months, but was spending almost everyday with her. Although I'm not a very trusting person, I felt like I her and I had a good connections, if there was such a thing. I thought to myself, "Wait! I don't want to give Meaghan some deadly disease or potentially decapitate her!", but then I thought, "I doubt anything that bad would happen anyway, even if this stuff is real." So I focused on her. Something specific. Something bad. Loss of hair? No. A terrible allergy to her favorite candy? No, that's too heartless. Death? Sure, why not! It's dark as can be and pretty general. So for a split second, I lined up Meaghan, the demon I had in mind, and the act of death. Then I disregarded it, because I didn't want Meaghan to die, of course. So I just scratched it all and went to sleep.

The next morning, Meaghan called me just to chat. Five minutes into the conversation, she told me that she had a dream last night. I told her to tell me what she dreamed of. She paused, then told me that it was of me. She said she knew it was me, but it was dark and it felt like something else. I asked what happened, and she answered saying that the thing that was supposedly me was murdering her in her dream. I didn't say anything to her about the night before, but she felt as if she should tell me about this dream she had of me murdering her. Ironically, the demon that I called upon by name was Dantalion, a demon of manipulation of the mind. Dreams are in the mind, as you all know.

That was one of my first experiences with a demon or the supernatural that I paid attention to and took into account. I was shocked and could feel a presence, but by the next week, I disregarded that whole experience. I just assumed that it was chance and, yet again, my logic over powered my faith. The most recent experience I've had is the main reason I'm writing this in the first place, though. After some time just going about my life, but still being intrigued by the supernatural, I was having a crappy *** day. As most people do in life. But for some reason, this day was one of the worst I had in years, for no real reason. I mean, Subway was all out of chocolate chip cookies and my pet turtle just died, but that's besides the point. So, I was alone in my room, feeling like a gargantuan pile of useless poop.

That's when my past paranormal experience jumped in my head from out of no where but hyper space. I used this feeling of shitness to my interests and also out of curiousity. Meaghan and I actually got together and were a couple, this time around. I love the girl and would never purposefully hurt her, but whatever took ahold of me in that moment didn't give a care. Also, I still didn't think anything would happen. I believed in myself and that I could do endless things, if the supernatural were real, but I didn't really believe in it much still. So, this time around 5:30 on a Sunday, I focused on Meaghan since I was even more connected with her by this point. Without really believing it would happen, I called upon Dantalian and I felt like Meaghan was going to get hurt. Not just in her imagination this time, though. After 15 minutes of meditating and feeling like that was enough, I went on with my day and started to feel myself again. Meaghan and I didn't get a chance to talk the whole day, since we are both usually busy on Sundays. When she finally came home, she messaged me via Skype. The very first thing she said, even though we didn't talk all day prior to that, was that she fell on a sidewalk like she's never fallen before. She was scraped up and cut up, and she said that she never got hurt like that before. I took awhile to respond, since I was completely overwhelmed. I felt in shock, surprised, and scared. All I did was ask her what time did she think that she fell down. She said it was probably between 5 and 6.

It's only been a week since then and I still have my doubts on everything boil up, but that's why I'm writing this. I don't want to just forget that it keeps happening, or that I have these abilities. I know that if demons are real, that I shouldn't be dabbing in that anymore though. Even though it's very uncommon and almost flattering that a demon would respond that quickly and diligently to a mortal like me, I know it isn't smart or safe to mess with them. If they are real. I'm flattered, yet I'm not surprised that a demon would respond like that to me since I believe so strongly in myself and who I am. If the supernatural IS real, then what more proof does someone need to believe? Even someone as logical as me. That's what I'm holding onto and don't want to forget. If something like this happens again, it will just keep getting progressively worse, apparently. Which is why power is something that no one can control. You always want more power, but if power is having control and having power is having no control, then having power would be a contradictory thing. So let's all just learn from our experiences in life, use them to our advantage, and accept who we are and what we're blessed with, instead of craving for more.
ithinkimthinkin ithinkimthinkin
18-21, M
Jul 6, 2012