I Once Thought We'd Hold Hands Until The Day One Of Us Passed On.I'm a sucker for love, yes I love to see old married couples hold hands. It fills my heart with warmth. However, with a broken heart I write my story. It's a lenghty one but I will keep it short and simple. Even though it's a lot more complicated. Maybe someone out there in the world wide web can offer some advice.
It was 2007. I was starting my career. Engaged. Yet we lived in seperate cities. Needless to say the long distance seperated our engagement but I actually realized I was not "in love" with my fiance.
In my office was this younger, handsome, a bit timid but charming guy. Rumor had it...he liked me. I was obviously starting to like him as well. Several months went by and eventually we started texting quite often.
One night on his day off and my late night work day, he text me he was out and jokingly said he wanted a dancing partner. It was obvious he wanted me to meet up with him and his friend. So, I did. I can honestly say, that night changed everything. I fell for him. We never kissed but he hughed me. We ended up sleeping in the same bed.There was something about him.
Fast forward several months later, we began to see each other frequently. Sneaking around behind our co-workers backs. For a long time in fact. Until eventually, the cat was out of the bag. Yet we were always very proffesional and kept to ourselves.
Outside of work was a different story. We were crazy about each other. We always had passionate love and always spiced things up. At the same time though, we had a lot working against us.
I was only in that town for two years and that was his hometown. In the back of our minds, we always knew there would come a time when I would leave. Since work was so intense for me (and I swear my boss was out to get me). There were times when I would push him away and let my emotions get the best of me. At times affecting our relationship yet he was always there. Loyal.
Eventually I had to move away and this time again, the distance (and our career paths) broke us apart. My heart shattered. I have never had such a passionate love for anyone in my life. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was my best friend and my lover.
We both went our seperate ways in 2010. He was heart broken as well but was stronger than I ever was.
From 2010 to now 2012. We've been through a roller coaster of emotions. From saying it was over and not talking for months to talking again and seeing each other. We have never let go. I have tried moving on and so has he. But it has just never completely ended.
Here's the kicker. Just 7 months ago I moved closer (not knowing I'd end up here). The last few months we've texted/talked even skyped once for a few hours. All the rush of emotions were back. I saw him in May and just recently in June.
Of course as a woman I start to question "where are we going with this" and "what are we doing". He basically said he missed me, loved me but was not ready to jump back into a relationship. I was so confused. How can someone love you yet not want to do everything to give it another shot?
I decided to FINALLY cut all ties with him. No more texting, talking, nothing! My heart is still aching just like it did that first time I parted if not more.
This time it eneded on a sour note. Not what I wanted but I feel that I have to move one. My heart is not letting me though. I guess in my mind, I'm still hopefull he will return.
So much history and so much has happened in between. We have so many mutual friends that it's hard completely blocking him out of my life. So "out of sight out of mind" is not going to work in my favor.
Does love really conquer all? In this case, maybe not.