I Have Always Been Singing, But Now...

I started singing from the time I could talk according to my mom. I used to dress up in curtains and put on shows for my grandparents, I would sing every commercial I heard - I sand in school in chorus, but was always deathly afraid to sing alone in front of the other kids because I thought they would laugh at me....so I sang in my bedroom with the stereo blasting, then I sang in my car. One day, I discovered karaoke....LOL, I was not very good, but with my BF there (now my hubby), I finally tried it, and people told me I was GOOD :O - and I learned I LOVE to sing in front of people, and sometimes they even seem to like it :) I sang in a rock band with some dear friends and my hubby for about a year...I look back on that time now as one of the most fun parts of my life.

Fast forward to now, I have smoked for 25 years because the day I started I knew I would never quit......my mom died from emphysema 5 years ago because she was exactly like I am....no matter what I try (and I have tried absolutely EVERYTHING :( ), it is the ONE thing in life that can beat me.....nothing else has ever been able to keep me prisoner like smoking always has and now bipolar/depression....these things leave me with no voice, no song, no more

So the singing I once loved so much, that maybe even defined me a little...it is over...I still try to sing but I feel it leave me, and then the urge to try goes with it...what I would give to go back to a time when nothing made me as happy as singing, and listening to my mom and dad to tell me to quiet down for a bit, just for a while, LOL... a beautiful time and a gone time
xena222 xena222
41-45, F
Dec 6, 2012