Today And For Too Long. Aka "where I Am, And Where I've Been"
Rocked to my very core.
The subsequent pieces left lingering are nothing more than survival.
Days passing and nothing left to show.
Words for others yet a meaningless existence is the feel of the fog.
That which surrounds me is but a veil I can’t seem to see beyond.
Tired and worn from the nothingness that engulfs my very soul.
The joy, the passion of daily life, like a fleeting memory.
Infecting my mind and taking the very spirit that drove me.
Each day, each moment to be savored.
Now, a bitter taste.
Once lost in love and passion for life, for her, for them, for all.
“Where is this going?” I wonder as I write.
“Is there a light to be seen when this which I write ends?”
They smile at me thinking “what a magical life he leads.”
Only the Empath knows what others fail to see.
The emptiness of not knowing. Losing ones own self. Been here before.
How is it we go down that path when we know it lead to nothing?
How do we let ourselves be overcome by a world when we know better?
How is it we cause pain to the very ones we choose to never hurt?
How is it?
I’ve circled the pit, knowing I need to come out.
I’ve walked and wondered how did it happen.
I’ve spent so much time walking the circle of confusion.
I’ve hated myself, chastised myself and bloodied by my own hand.
Forgiven, but not by myself.
I can’t take it.
Time for the game to end.
I’ve looked in the mirror and straight into my own eyes.
“You little bastard!” I said. “You’ve screwed up and lost it all. You let them all down. You ruined it. That’s what you’ve done, you’ve ruined it!”
But I know it ends here, so finally.
Finally I added this,
“I forgive you. Now get on with it.”
I don’t know how.
But it ends here.
It begins here.
I pray, the answers come. I pray to move forward.
I must, because it ends here. It must end here.
It all begins here.