I Love to Write Funny Stories
My dear universe-wide readers (humans, polar bears, seals and aliens from Pandora),
As you all know, I am from India. Recently, a string of political scams were unearthed in my country. These scams have blown the country away so fiercely that even the tornadoes and the tsunamis seem like passive destroyers. If scams were waterfalls, the 2G spectrum scam would stand out as the Niagara amongst them. The con is said to be worth $40,000,000,000, enough to send calculators for a toss.
Considering the ‘popularity’ of scams and rising inclination towards conning the country, India’s education minister has decided to introduce a two-year Master of Scams (M.Sc) degree in all colleges and universities across India. The program aims at making every Indian as corrupt as every other Indian. Students will be motivated to indulge in such huge scams that India is forced to ask for a bailout even from Pakistan.
Admissions for the program are now open for the 2011–12 academic year. Any resident Indian or NRI is eligible to apply, provided he/she is more than 14 years of age. Kids can not apply as they make take the term ‘eating money’ literally and swallow coins. By keeping the age for eligibility to as low as 14, the education minister has made it clear that he is scouting for young blood. He also thinks that this would reduce unemployment to a great extent as youngsters will get ‘self-employed’ after successfully completing the program. Another striking feature of this program is that there is no upper age limit. If your grandfather is an Indian and has his one foot in the grave and one on the banana peel, he is very much eligible for applying. In case any grandfather passes away during the course of the program, his admission fees can be easily claimed back after paying a minimal bribe to the concerned university authorities.
As the Master of Scams degree demands lot of creative talent, chain-snatchers, house robbers and college drop-outs will be preferred. People who have experience in burning buses, throwing stones, smashing glass panes and those with a passion for grabbing lands of others too stand a chance to get shortlisted. Rest can simply pay a donation double the amount of regular fees and ensure their admission. 50% seats will be reserved for those who have prior experience in conning either the local corporation, railways, state government or the central government. Rapists and murderers, currently serving life terms, can take up the distance learning option and learn from the comfort of their prisons. They will be provided question papers well before the exams and they can indulge in mass copying by bribing the jail authorities.
The course material has been developed by prominent former scamsters in the country. A minister, who was said to be involved in almost every other scam but was never caught, has been appointed chairman of the committee which will prepare the curriculum. The minister’s brother-in-law and step brother, who are currently in jail for an attempted rape and half-murder, respectively, would be on the committee as well.
The Master of Scams program will cover the following subjects:
a) Business Development: Students will learn how to grab lands of poor farmers at minimal prices.
b) Population Control: Farmers who lose their lands and are indebted will be provided with a rope and poison for committing suicides. They will also be taught to write a pre-suicide letter blaming the government for their suicide. Students will be taught to scout for such farmers and motivate them to commit suicides.
c) Research: Students will be informed about the different arenas where money can be eaten.
d) Human Resource: How to identify potential scapegoats on whom scams can be blamed.
e) Financial Management: Opening Swiss bank accounts, transferring money from India to these accounts, touring abroad at the expense of the country’s exchequer.
f) Personality Development: How to deny every allegation and portray your clean image until the matter cools off gradually.
g) Health & Hygiene: Students will be taught how to pretend fake heart-attacks and blood tests in the case of a police arrest.
On completing the course, students can join railways, state and central government and start looting them right away. Candidate will be on probation of six months. Probation period will be shortened on the payment of a small bribe to the respective employer.
Hurry!!!! Apply today and win a free certification course in bomb-making. For prospectus and other details, please visit the program’s official website at:
www.future-rascals-and-bastards-of-india.com
As you all know, I am from India. Recently, a string of political scams were unearthed in my country. These scams have blown the country away so fiercely that even the tornadoes and the tsunamis seem like passive destroyers. If scams were waterfalls, the 2G spectrum scam would stand out as the Niagara amongst them. The con is said to be worth $40,000,000,000, enough to send calculators for a toss.
Considering the ‘popularity’ of scams and rising inclination towards conning the country, India’s education minister has decided to introduce a two-year Master of Scams (M.Sc) degree in all colleges and universities across India. The program aims at making every Indian as corrupt as every other Indian. Students will be motivated to indulge in such huge scams that India is forced to ask for a bailout even from Pakistan.
Admissions for the program are now open for the 2011–12 academic year. Any resident Indian or NRI is eligible to apply, provided he/she is more than 14 years of age. Kids can not apply as they make take the term ‘eating money’ literally and swallow coins. By keeping the age for eligibility to as low as 14, the education minister has made it clear that he is scouting for young blood. He also thinks that this would reduce unemployment to a great extent as youngsters will get ‘self-employed’ after successfully completing the program. Another striking feature of this program is that there is no upper age limit. If your grandfather is an Indian and has his one foot in the grave and one on the banana peel, he is very much eligible for applying. In case any grandfather passes away during the course of the program, his admission fees can be easily claimed back after paying a minimal bribe to the concerned university authorities.
As the Master of Scams degree demands lot of creative talent, chain-snatchers, house robbers and college drop-outs will be preferred. People who have experience in burning buses, throwing stones, smashing glass panes and those with a passion for grabbing lands of others too stand a chance to get shortlisted. Rest can simply pay a donation double the amount of regular fees and ensure their admission. 50% seats will be reserved for those who have prior experience in conning either the local corporation, railways, state government or the central government. Rapists and murderers, currently serving life terms, can take up the distance learning option and learn from the comfort of their prisons. They will be provided question papers well before the exams and they can indulge in mass copying by bribing the jail authorities.
The course material has been developed by prominent former scamsters in the country. A minister, who was said to be involved in almost every other scam but was never caught, has been appointed chairman of the committee which will prepare the curriculum. The minister’s brother-in-law and step brother, who are currently in jail for an attempted rape and half-murder, respectively, would be on the committee as well.
The Master of Scams program will cover the following subjects:
a) Business Development: Students will learn how to grab lands of poor farmers at minimal prices.
b) Population Control: Farmers who lose their lands and are indebted will be provided with a rope and poison for committing suicides. They will also be taught to write a pre-suicide letter blaming the government for their suicide. Students will be taught to scout for such farmers and motivate them to commit suicides.
c) Research: Students will be informed about the different arenas where money can be eaten.
d) Human Resource: How to identify potential scapegoats on whom scams can be blamed.
e) Financial Management: Opening Swiss bank accounts, transferring money from India to these accounts, touring abroad at the expense of the country’s exchequer.
f) Personality Development: How to deny every allegation and portray your clean image until the matter cools off gradually.
g) Health & Hygiene: Students will be taught how to pretend fake heart-attacks and blood tests in the case of a police arrest.
On completing the course, students can join railways, state and central government and start looting them right away. Candidate will be on probation of six months. Probation period will be shortened on the payment of a small bribe to the respective employer.
Hurry!!!! Apply today and win a free certification course in bomb-making. For prospectus and other details, please visit the program’s official website at:
www.future-rascals-and-bastards-of-india.com
By:
eyes261181
Age:
31-35
,
Male
