In A Funk, I Need To Write.

This probably makes no sense, but I just needed to let it all flow out.

Where is this all going? It seems like there is no end. Caught in an endless cycle, and it hurts more now than it ever did. How do I get out?  How do I leave? Leave me alone. I want to be alone. I need no friend, I need no love. Don't be here for me now if you can't be here for me later.
What the **** is this? What the **** did I get myself into? I know our chance is slim, but I hold on. I can't let go. I let this go on too long and now it's too hard to be free. We scratch, claw, pin, yell, and it doesn't even matter. We'll never get out from each other's grip. It is as if we are permanently together no matter what.
What is with emotion's grip on the soul? Clouding my judgement, I can't even think. Love is supposed to be freeing, happy. It is until it goes bad. And when it's bad, it's awful. ****. I still fight for it, I still want it. Love ******* hates me. I want it when I don't have it and when I do have it, I don't know what to do with it. I really want nothing to do with love until I know how to fully love myself first, because it seems as if any love I get now, I can't handle it.

allyrs allyrs
22-25, F
Jul 15, 2010