I Love to Write
It's time for me to say my goodbyes to Experience Project?
By:
turtlesplash
Written on February 2nd, 2013
God laughs at our plans of course, and I'm sure I'll check back here occasionally, at least for a while. I certainly won't delete my account. But I always hoped that EP would be a evolutionary stage for me, and the time has come for me to step up to the next level in my creative life.
I've been here over a year, and as a troll i've become more and more effective, but it gives me less and less pleasure. Furthermore, since my intention here was never to make friends but to start writing again and learn to see myself better, and given that i've gone about as far with that as my MO on EP can take me, there is little to keep me here.
I know there are many here who will be happy to see the back of me, and many who will be sorry to see me go. I love you all however, though each in a different way. Each friend, enemy and person i've seen here has taught me something different.
I won't simply wink out of existence however because i was always far more than a simple troll, and i owe certain people the end of our conversations. I don't know how long I'll check back here for, or whether I will utterly abandon EP altogether, but one thing is definitely certain. I am done with my showboating on Q&A and will not be answering new questions, and this was always 95% of my activity here. I will continue to write stories but I will write them for myself and I don't think I'll publish them here anymore.
So good luck everyone, thanks for everything, and may fate forgive us all as far as this is possible.
*
Postscript:
About three days after writing this it's clear that I have been over-dramatic here. The sentiment that possessed me to write this story was a fair one, but apart from its drama it was overly defensive as well. It does however reveal the ambiguous relationship that I've come to have with EP. For a little while now I've been starting to worry about the way I use EP, but it was only after last weekend that my use of EP exploded into my mind as a serious issue I need to take in hand.
Reflecting on all the feelings that have come up for me since I wrote this it is clear that I'm not going to be able to easily quit the website, and that there are still good reasons for me to be here. What I am sure about though is that I am finished with Q&A. This has been 95% of my activity on this website and it has amounted to little more than my fleeing from my own emotional reality [the sophistication, depth and humour behind my questions and answers notwithstanding]. Perhaps if I was doing anything strictly sociable on there it might have been more meaningful, but my purpose here has always been otherwise.
What this means for turtlesplash isn't clear, though almost certainly my MO will change. My troll-form will probably decline in proportion to my distance from the chattering fishbowl of ego that Q&A represented for me, and this is a good thing for me if I am to achieve my conscious purpose here. It's still not unlikely that I will eventually fade away from EP altogether, but I haven't grown enough yet for that to happen. So really this is just a new, quieter stage for me, and I'll try not to define it too much.
*
It's about a week now since I first posted this and I doubt I'll never return to Q&A. Perhaps all my little fit of impatience with EP indicates is a shift in consciousness, and a change in approach. My pride would like to delete the whole thing, but then I would be ashamed of myself.
I've been here over a year, and as a troll i've become more and more effective, but it gives me less and less pleasure. Furthermore, since my intention here was never to make friends but to start writing again and learn to see myself better, and given that i've gone about as far with that as my MO on EP can take me, there is little to keep me here.
I know there are many here who will be happy to see the back of me, and many who will be sorry to see me go. I love you all however, though each in a different way. Each friend, enemy and person i've seen here has taught me something different.
I won't simply wink out of existence however because i was always far more than a simple troll, and i owe certain people the end of our conversations. I don't know how long I'll check back here for, or whether I will utterly abandon EP altogether, but one thing is definitely certain. I am done with my showboating on Q&A and will not be answering new questions, and this was always 95% of my activity here. I will continue to write stories but I will write them for myself and I don't think I'll publish them here anymore.
So good luck everyone, thanks for everything, and may fate forgive us all as far as this is possible.
*
Postsc
About three days after writing this it's clear that I have been over-dramatic here. The sentiment that possessed me to write this story was a fair one, but apart from its drama it was overly defensive as well. It does however reveal the ambiguous relationship that I've come to have with EP. For a little while now I've been starting to worry about the way I use EP, but it was only after last weekend that my use of EP exploded into my mind as a serious issue I need to take in hand.
Reflecting on all the feelings that have come up for me since I wrote this it is clear that I'm not going to be able to easily quit the website, and that there are still good reasons for me to be here. What I am sure about though is that I am finished with Q&A. This has been 95% of my activity on this website and it has amounted to little more than my fleeing from my own emotional reality [the sophistication, depth and humour behind my questions and answers notwithstanding]. Perhaps if I was doing anything strictly sociable on there it might have been more meaningful, but my purpose here has always been otherwise.
What this means for turtlesplash isn't clear, though almost certainly my MO will change. My troll-form will probably decline in proportion to my distance from the chattering fishbowl of ego that Q&A represented for me, and this is a good thing for me if I am to achieve my conscious purpose here. It's still not unlikely that I will eventually fade away from EP altogether, but I haven't grown enough yet for that to happen. So really this is just a new, quieter stage for me, and I'll try not to define it too much.
*
It's about a week now since I first posted this and I doubt I'll never return to Q&A. Perhaps all my little fit of impatience with EP indicates is a shift in consciousness, and a change in approach. My pride would like to delete the whole thing, but then I would be ashamed of myself.
By:
turtlesplash
Age:
36-40
,
Male
1
response
