Pacing The Night Away

Marie looked over at where her husband was lying in bed sleeping, she could barely make out his outline by the lights from the alarm clocks on either side of the bed. She was restless and could not sleep, she had too much running through her mind. He was snoring loudly making a weird choppy noise like a chain saw running through a snag. Why he did not wake up from his own noise she did not know. If she tried to get him to stop he would just roll over briefly and continue to snore. It muted the sound but not enough for her to fall asleep herself.

          She slipped soundlessly from the bed and crept quietly across the room to snag her robe from the hook she kept it on before continuing out of the room. She softly closed the door with a soft click and padded down the hall to the living room and kitchen area of the house. She turned on the gas fireplace and sat in the chair by it to try to absorb some heat without turning up the furnace. Ed was even more conscious of every dollar spent ever since she had lost her job due to the company she had worked for closing their doors and filing bankruptcy. She worked part time and was also able to collect partial unemployment to compensate for the reduced income, but it was not nearly as much as she had been making. He now kept the furnace turned down to 62 instead of the 64 he used to for the night. He claimed the furnace constantly running kept him awake and since he was now the primary bread winner they could not afford to have it on all night like they did before and keeping him up.

          Marie shivered with the cold and wrapped an extra blanket around herself and tucked her feet under her to keep them warm. She drowsily watched the flames flicker and tried not to think of where her life had led her to.

          She used to be such an optimist, but the past several years she felt had really started to wear on her. She wished she had the type of marriage that would allow her to go to bed and cuddle with her husband and know that she would be welcomed in his arms. She had tried everything to light the fire in her marriage and she thought bitterly that it was too bad it was not as easy as lighting the gas fireplace. In fact she thought it would be easier to start a fire by rubbing two wet sticks together.

          With her dour thoughts for company she knew she would not be able to sleep for a while. With resignation for another sleepless night she reluctantly uncurled herself from the chair, and draping the blanket over the chair and close to the fireplace for when she returned, she wandered into the kitchen. She enjoyed milk warmed up with a little bit of honey in it and instead of vanilla extract she liked to use the coconut flavoring. She got down a mug and without turning on any lights went to the fridge and poured milk into the mug. She left the fridge open for light and went to the cupboard for the honey and coconut flavors. She measured them in the mug, then shut the fridge door on her way to the microwave.

          Marie went back to her chair and contemplations with her mug and a cookie she had snagged on the way out of the kitchen. She couldn’t help but wonder where she had gone wrong with her life and what she could do to turn it around. She was just so lonely that she felt as though it were eating up her soul bit by bit until there would be nothing left of herself but an empty husk.

          When she had married Ed she had thought for sure she was doing the right thing. He had been so fun to be with, he made her laugh with his wittiness. He had been so caring and always seemed to be unable to keep his hands to himself, always fondling and caressing her. It was one of his habits that had drawn her to him. She had loved the physical contact, it made her want to stretch and purr, like a contented cat. Now he couldn’t seem to bear to touch her, he hardly ever even kissed her other than the brief peck on her cheek as he went to work or he would walk past her and swat her on the behind still while she was in the kitchen cooking. But she could not recall the last time he had held her close and kissed her with passion. She knew it had been over 5 years ago. They were celibate now, or at least she knew she was and he had better be, other than maybe a quickie a couple of anniversaries ago. It hadn’t even been that great, and it had felt like he had only done so out of a sense of obligation rather than that he had felt impelled to by any great passion for her.

          Marie was only 39 and she did not want to live in a celibate marriage for the rest of her life, she was entering her prime and she had been so looking forward to it. She had thought she would be comfortable with her figure by this age and have a husband that desired her. She had imagined they would be financially stable and able to travel and have money in the bank. She had looked forward to having dinner parties with friends and family, instead Ed had a fit if she spent what he considered to be too much at the store, but he would not go with her and was not aware of how much everything had gone up by. She would like to see him do better, and he was always only too happy to point out her failings. Finishing off her milk she turned off the fireplace and in the dark walked to the kitchen to place her mug in the sink. She wandered over to the window to look out at the dark sky to see if she could see any stars. The moon was attempting to make a break through the clouds covering it in the sky and she could commiserate with it’s attempts to escape the cloud cover. Turning she walked back down the hall to the bedroom. She quietly closed the door behind her, and after hanging up her robe on it’s hook crept back into her lonely bed.

          Ed continued to snore and she pulled the pillow over her head in an attempt to muffle the noise. She was tempted to put it over his face instead, how could he sleep through that racket?

sixand0 sixand0
46-50, F
9 Responses Mar 8, 2010

Look for more tomorrow.

Love to read some more about her. If she's anything like you, she's got steel.

I have more about Marie and she is stong.

Oh sixand0, so well written, so sad. I just wanted to hug Marie tightly and tell her everything would be alright.

Great writing, I felt I was there with Marie!

Thank you. I am a compulsive writer... most of which does not end up here. LOL.

That is what makes it so sad!

Thank you. <br />
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So true to life sometimes though.

Very well written, but oh so sad!!!