When Care Just Hurts...

I have a friend. I don't know how close a friend she is because I'm not sure she can let me be close.  There is a lifetime of pain in her eyes and I long to reach a hand out to her - I would share the burden if I knew how, if she wanted me to.  I seem to care so much it hurts, I don't know why, how I can help, or what there is to help.
Kyoto Kyoto
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 13, 2007

Wow! Thank you. I really appreciate what you've said.

I have some advice of very dubious value, take it at your own risk :P (I say this because I have been in a similiar situation and had only mixed results with this)<br />
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1) Realise that the Problem (the BAD HURTING feeling) is not with her, it is with *you*. The pain she has is hers and will be there whether or not you worry. Your feelings on the matter are separate from her.<br />
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2) Worry without action is pointless. It just adds yet ANOTHER burden to her. Not only does she have her own pain to deal with, but now she has to feel guilty because you are hurting because of her pain. <br />
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3) So take action, and release the worry (but not the care).<br />
<br />
i) Build small steps to her, become a better friend<br />
ii) Build trust<br />
iii) Move closer to her as friend<br />
iv) BUT let HER bring the issues to you, do not push into them<br />
v) Learn and research how to provide emotional support,<br />
vi ) Learn advanced communication skills - you will need them for hurt people<br />
vii) Learn and research what options and approaches there are to dealing with the causes of her pain, so that when she is finally comfortable bringing them to you, you know a little about the situations and are able to offer *appropriate* advice.<br />
viii) Don't rush her! If you are rushing, you will be doing it to ease YOUR pain, not hers. And that would be selfish and hurtful to her.