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Suggestions For Married Men Who Like to Dress Up

Today I read a story in the Boston Globe, in an advice column.  A woman was very distressed because she just found out her husband likes to dress up in women's undies and clothes - though in secret.  She went on to say how she is going to need psychiatric counseling and thinks the incident is going to ruin her marriage, even though she said he's a great husband and father.

The poor guy thought his wife would be more understanding when she found out, but is now learning the hard way that he should've "tested the waters" first.

Perhaps all you guys who haven't let their wives in on their secret yet could try this:

For Halloween, tell your wife you want to dress as a woman, and ask her to help you out.  Play dumb, saying you don't know what to wear and could you borrow some of her clothes.

I once read of a couple who did this and they both got so turned on by the whole idea that after the Halloween party, they had the best sex of their lives - while he was still dressed as a woman!

At least this way, you can get an idea whether your wife would be turned on or off if you came out in the open about your secret.

PantyPirate PantyPirate 41-45, M 12 Responses Mar 2, 2009

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I just wish it were now the social norn where we could wear skirts or dresses whenever we wanted as a normal thing in society.

what do people think of a guy doing this BEFORE they are even engaged as a way to bring it into the open, yet not worrying about legal problems ect. <br />
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my other idea to bring it into the open is if I can sleep at hers, if I forget undies then she will hopefully say oh just wear mine and from there I would slowly develop and unravel my fetish to my girl freind <br />
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Ultimately it must be better than doing it in secret for years or breaking it off just after we get married but what do others think <br />
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As I am a closet cross dresser this would allow me to see if I like wearing a dress in public before anything got serious

OK, although the original article is 2 years old I have to comment on this for the benefit of others who think this is a good idea (suggest dressing up for halloween and then pretend you don't know what to wear):<br />
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Don't. BAD idea.<br />
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Why? On the surface it seems like a good way to ease your wife into the idea of seeing you dressed up, and in that sense it's good. The problem is that you are attempting to solve the problem of lying to your wife by.... lying to your wife.<br />
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Absolutely, I will preach until the day I die that crossdressing men should have no secrets from our wives, and this is a secret that if at all possible should be told BEFORE you marry, so if on the off chance that she absolutely can't live with it, you can end the relationship before it gets ugly with lawyers, alimony, ilkely pubilc spectacle, and worst of all kids caught in the middle.<br />
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if it's too late for that, at least tell her NOW rather than wait any longer. Explain your fears that she would hate you for it; explain that she does not have to worry about losing you to another man or lose her husband to become a woman (assuming all that is true, of course. If you do want gay sex outside of your marriage, you have bigger problems than what your wife doesn't know you are wearing). Explain to her how early it started for you and (if it is true) how much you have tried but were unable to stop. Be prepared to answer all of her ob<x>jections and concerns, and be prepared to find a compromise that lets you wear what you like sometimes in a way that will not push her past what she can tolerate -- maybe just certain days/times in the week, maybe never in front of her, etc.<br />
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Yes, she might be so disgusted that she still ends up leaving you. That's the risk you have to take if you seriously want your wife to ever trust you again. Most likely she will at least understand and still support you, even if she isn't thrilled with this side of you. And if you're really really lucky, she will be delighted and look forward to using you as her own life-sized dressup doll.

Well I would be surprised if she accepted it but anyway. I certainly had plans of telling my future girl freind if it ever gets serious.

Its a good idea, thanx for share... I also have an another opinion, share early, maybe it will ruin the romance and love, but i think still better, then living in lie... And maybe if somebody is enough lucky will find a woman who accept that. Until we can do only few thing. Stand up and prove a dressed man is not necessarily gay. Of course if we going out regularly we can be more visible, probably sooner accepted by the society. I do.

Excellent idea. And it will work.

Melissa was born about two years ago in a house where my love had slowly died over the years. A once vibrant marriage had become cold and stiff as my wife withdrew into her head. I had made the promise to love honour and obey so I did, even though my body and mind craved affection from a loved one. My children slowly drifted out into the world until I was left alone with my nightmare. One day when I was out shopping, I drifted into the lingerie section of my local market. Seeing the beautiful items stirred something deep within me. Something I had almost forgotten about after all the years. As a youngster I had tried on my mothers underwear while alone in the house. I loved the sensation of the soft material against my skin and the restriction of her girdles on my body. I was discovered by her one day and there was hell to pay, so that was that until I saw those lovely knickers and bras in the store many years later. On impulse I selected two pairs of lace and silk knickers and a black lace bra. The knickers were size 20 and the bra was a 40b. It was just pot luck guessing the sizes but I was sweating when I got to the checkout with my girly items. I needn't have worried. The checkout girl just ran them through without bl<x>inking an eye. I rushed home and ******** off straight away, anxious to try my new clothes on. I was amazed at how my first bra felt as I slipped it on over my little *******. My new knickers felt wonderful against my skin too. Thus Melissa was born. I felt I could continue to live with my wife as long as I could have the escape that dressing enfemme gave me. All was well until she found some of my girl stuff I had hidden away. She went crazy, I still don't know why. Our love had long since died and it really didn't mean that much to the way we felt about each other. So I eventually left her and got my own apartment. Now I have my own space and I dress as I please. I love to dress fully enfemme and go about the place doing my daily chores. I underdress when I go outdoors, wearing knickers, tights, bra and cami. I haven't worn male underwear for ages and get a great kick out of washing my smalls. Someday I may go all the way and make it with a sister dresser. I have thought about it a lot, even though I am not gay. I see xgirls differently to men. Maybe I'll find a girl who can understand me and maybe I'm doomed to be alone with my thoughts. Until then I will just carry on with my new baby girl Melissa inside me, keeping me honest and keeping me alive. Love, Melissa xxx.

I have met this wonderful woman, enjoys making love, just natural to be with.<br />
She's a part time artist, wears jeans, or trou when going out.<br />
We had such a great relationship brewing.<br />
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Then she arrived one day, I was working at the computer, wearing my at home stuff, a pleasant top, heels, a little lip.<br />
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Well !<br />
<br />
After delivering a lecture, she stormed out, then went home and cried her eyes out.<br />
The deceit ! Not telling her !<br />
Well, I did, really.<br />
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So now our relationship is gradually dwindling to a close.<br />
I really thought she'd understand.<br />
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Dunno whether to be happy or sad.<br />
I have found that especially in our older generation, that women just don't.(or wont)<br />
As you say, bunchopanties, perhaps we are just a bit early.<br />
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Darn.<br />
Wanking's on then, I got pretty good at that.<br />
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Cheers

I for one, never hid it in the first place! She has seen me completly dressed in female attire several times. I even wear vintage nylon nightgowns to bed every night.

lucky guy I would love to get there with my future girl as well

Very well said, bunchopanties! Unfortunately, in this forum you are preaching to the choir. But I know I don't have the guts to put this out there under my "straight" name...:-(

To all the women out there whose first reaction is disgust, revulsion or something milder... consider this. That is exactly the reaction a man might have had in 1900 if his wife told him that sometimes, only at home, she would like to wear pants. Absurd thought, isn't it? But that was the societal norm then, that women in slacks were either clowning in drag or lesbians. The truth is some people, regardless of gender, prefer to dress feminine and some prefer to dress masculine.<br />
So what? It's only clothes. And yet the taboo of it makes it a fetish for those of us who really, really can't stand pretending 100% of our waking lives.<br />
It doesn't make a man gay, or a different person, or even weird (only one of many, many closeted 'sissies') that he prefers this feminine ex<x>pression. Men are taught to be attracted to women in skirts, lingerie, etc. Sometimes it's the clothing itself that becomes the turn-on. <br />
I would compare it to women who get secretly aroused if they enter a men's room or men's locker room. The taboo of it, the transgender transgression of it, and the fact that it's just a room and there is nothing really sexual about it - in fact, 'most' people think men's rooms are disgusting, why would THAT turn anyone on? <br />
If you're a woman who is, as the cliche goes, 'turned on by a man in uniform' - imagine wearing that uniform for him, and him being aroused and stripping it off of you.<br />
If you can imagine that, can you see where he is coming from?<br />
Peta asks why women can wear men's clothes and it's not perverted. I think it's mostly because women throughout the 20th Century demanded it. And now it's not unusual, or a sexual comment, but just okay with everybody. The women who wore suits, pants and men's attire were viewed harshly and as lesbians... until too many 'normal' women stood by them and supported them and today the most conservative or wild, feminine, submissive, whatever, girl can wear pants and it's no big deal to anyone.<br />
Men are raised to be so homophobic, however, that I believe it will be many generations before boys will wear skirts to school and no one will bl<x>ink an eye.<br />
If you read that last sentence and thought - Ugh! I hope that never happens! Ask yourself - not in public, but inside yourself, what is the big deal? Really, what is the big deal? Sissies will always be sissies and macho men will always be macho men. Nothing will have changed except the sissies will be able to be honest and not feel alone, paranoid, crazy, and/or threatened.<br />
The world needs to shed the idea that all men should be G.I. Joe, just like we've shed the idea that all women should be Barbie.<br />
Wow. I've gone on for way too long. Sorry.

don't worry about going on for too long- there is a lot of important info in there
like laddies wearing pants in 1900 and other bits

Exactly! Makes me think of the song "What It Feels Like For A Girl" by Madonna, except WE don't think it's degrading being a girl, like the song says.

Good idea !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!