I Could Be Doing More But.....

So I work with young people...exactly what I've always wanted to do, exactly what I went to school for! Then I get this job straight after doing my internship with this organization during which time I was a part of the development of their new pilot project. So far so good right....Straight off the bat though word around the office and from all the staff meetings and interacting with the staff the Director has a what most would call a super ego and with that comes putting down the staff publicly and basically publicly verbally assassinating people. Initially my thought was that it's an old school approach to management kinda like pushing and molding you to get the best out of you but I've been there a while now and it does little to boost morale and more to do with creating conflict as opposed to healthy competition. Let's just say the staff turnover rate is super high. As if it wasn't bad enough the Director was that way, in comes the Office Manager who is the Queen of Micromanagement (to put it mildly). This person stands over your shoulders (no exaggeration, true story) reads over emails you're sending to other people....listens in on your calls and conversation while they are in the next room and has no qualms about coming to comment about a conversation you just had whether or not it's work related (the walls are pretty thin but still!).The other day I wasn't feeling too good and in front of other staff and pretty much with the whole office listening she asks me if it's related to being on my period! Needless to say, any boundaries have been pulled down and it's almost like she needs to share the personal details of her life and can't quite imagine why everyone else is reluctant to share theirs. So we have the Director, Office Manager and next it's my coworker. This person has said to me that their job is to enlighten me and show me the clear path to understanding myself (first off, who appointed you an authority over me? second off, we only in the same space for work related purposes). So this coworker finds it necessary to comment on every single aspect of my life: what I eat (has a great need to convert me to becoming and eating like a vegan), what I believe in (has another great need to spiritually enlighten me, mind you they believe in past lives, the spirits...) and knowing myself (has a great need to want to do my genealogy and connect me with my cultural roots). Okay, I've expressed my gratitude at them wanting me to be the best I can be (according to them) but I have to constantly ask them to respectfully leave me to find my own path...I am grown, take that somewhere else but they keep saying that I am a personal project...(don't appreciate that much either). This is just the tip of the iceberg, now their combined efforts (Director, Manager & this particular coworker) make it hard for me to look forward to being at work. I find that I get in later and later each day and when I'm working outside the office I am in no immediate rush to come back into the office as I feel I'm more effective outside. Now the other concern I have is that while other aspects of my job requires that I work outside the office, even when I do what I'm supposed to be doing, I feel guilty about it even though rationally I know it's what I was hired to do. Case in point, I'm supposed to meet one-on-one with the young people I work with and sometimes this occurs after I've just run a group workshop. But the fact that I know that my Manager is waiting at the office to grill me about each second I spent out of the office leaves me feeling anxious about being there as I feel guilty in some way that she's wondering where I am. We are supposed to have work cell phones but we don't, and I am not about to use my day minutes to call in. I could prolly use the school phones but to be honest, I'm afraid she'll ask me to reschedule which usually means it's something that's put on my to-do-list but I'm never given the time to do it, yet I'm still required to do it.


What could I be doing to better this situation? I feel somewhere within me that I could be doing more but.....what? 

Justtellitlikeitis Justtellitlikeitis
22-25, F
2 Responses Nov 8, 2009

So i'm not alone? Wow, now i'm confused, is that a good thing or does that mean there's a lot of poor management?

wow you could be working for MY company exactly! i mean, exactly!!